Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
I am impressed by the creative recycling of motor oil that the cake was clearly doused in.
My husband grew up on a dairy farm, so I think it looks like an awesome cow patty! Or maybe someone is celebrating that their toddler is finally out of diapers? Please tell me it's not for a shower, "welcome to what you will see alot of the next few years"!
Gary's Wife
It's perfect for the Port-a-Potty festival! Gleaming example of what the workers have to go through every day. Great work!
I see NOTHING wrong with that last cake. It's like a bee hive covered in delicious pooey -- uhh,I mean gooey -- chocolate! And everyone loves chocolate covered bees, right?
~Rachel Shupp
Marble cake board is FULL of the awesome... but almost too obvious- MY most favorite awesome on that cake is the little wee hole in the bottom.... it's like a little wee mouse hole... for a little wee mouse... Now tell me, what little wee mouse wouldn't want a poo house with marble flooring??!!
I think it's awesome because there are no testes like on the noisemaker cake. Makes it edible right there!
I'm pooped just trying to excrete anything positive. Using the process of elimination, let's say...nice going!!!
Marble cake board is FULL of the awesome... but almost too obvious- MY most favorite awesome on that cake is the little wee hole in the bottom.... it's like a little wee mouse hole... for a little wee mouse... Now tell me, what little wee mouse wouldn't want a poo house with marble flooring??!!
Woohoo! You found my great dane! I've been looking for that puppy for a while now and I'm so glad that you were able to capture a glimpse of his talent and craftsmanship on film. I'm not sure I have a plastic bag big enough to clean up that mess though, so you can have the marble slab it's sitting on as my gift to you for any inconvenience that Marmaduke may have caused.
The last one: lots of chocolate cant be bad
Somebody's bowels feel muuuuuuch better now.
The cake with the noisemakers makes me feel a little sick inside.
That last one is so shiny, it makes me think of chocolate fondue fountains at wedding receptions, and those fountains are awesome!
- Becky C.
Through the hole in the bottom, you can see that it's chocolate cake. Chocolate cake is awesome! And now you don't even have to cut into it to find out whether it's white cake or yellow cake or chocolate cake or any other kind of cake. You already know! That's awesome!
What could be more awesome than a MOUNTAIN of, um, chocolate. It's Mt. Chocolate!! Oh and that shiny glaze is the sun glistening off the snow, er, chocolate snow, er, oh whatever.....
Love this site!! Gill B in Oklahoma!!!!!
Shiny! Glossy! Glistening! Awesome!
It's a bee hive carved from really shiny wood! Polished wood even! And we all know beehives are where the honey lives and Winnie the Pooh (SORRY! Had to get that in there...) loves honey so if he loves honey then we love honey so that cake is, in fact, AWESOME.
Look, they were nice enough to leave a small opening in the icing so you can see whether it's really cake under there! That's AWESOME!
-Lisa Z.
That cake is a dead ringer for Gloppy; the monster that lives in the Molasses Swamps right outside the king's castle in Candy Land.
He is deliciously cute; but don't land on his space, or you'll be stuck in molasses until you draw a red card.
... and everyone knows Candy Land is awesome.
-PEZpirate
It's AWESOME because it's reflecting the AWESOME Corn cake, and having clean colons is AWESOME and so this cake is being AWESOME by reflecting the Corn Colon Cake of AWESOME-NESS..
The Awesome Nikki M
You guys... it's ok! You are seeing that poor cake out of context. It's REALLY part of a 3-D representation of CandyLand and that unfortunate mess is Gloppy from the Molasses Swamp. Now THAT is Awesome! :D
OMG - you kill me! That's what's awesome. The line between poop humor and awesomeness couldn't be any better. Now I think you've made me laugh so hard (but not outloud too much as I'm in a public place and as you well know, being in public and making noises that one might find inappropriate is always a little more embarassing and causes one to make even more noises while trying to suppress such noises is somewhat difficult.)
AWESOME!
--Jessica
That last one is the most *awesome* replica of a dung beetle palace I've *ever* seen.
Chocolate ganache is awesome!
It's a great way to pay homage to the volcanic ash problem they are currently having in northern Europe. That bakery sure does stay timely!
Megan Bright
The "cake" is placed artfully off centre on the beautiful marble slab. Ahem.
It's shiny! That's a good thing, most of the time. Shiny looks easy to wipe if it should smear somewhere. Shiny puts my kids' messes to shame, & I'm very familiar with wiping up smears and messes! I'm Laura, mom to Sofia, Philip, Julia, Adelina,& Joseph. So, like I said, I'm familiar with messes.
About that final cake: That sh*t is shiny! Look at how shiny it is! It glistens with the inner light of really well done sh*t. I mean, have you ever really seen sh*t like that? All shiny and glossy and glamorous? I wish I had glamorous sh*t like that. Sh*t.
Er...
It's awesome because... uh..
Oh! So few people will want to eat it, that leaves more chocolate for me.
Yep.
The sheer shininess of that glaze is enough to blind you- which saves your poor, whimpering brain the hassle of trying to formulate what insanity was going through the wreckerator's mind when he or she created this pile of sludgy stool resemblance. Being blinded rather than trying to comprehend some cake wrecks? AWESOME!!!
Sarah Wells
Well, the cake looks like poo... poo that has yet to be stepped in. Not stepping in poo = AWESOME!
-theaultmans
I bet if you served that to a blind man who loved chocolate, it would be the best cake experience of his life!
They left a mouse hole, and that's AWESOME!
Well, it looks like an ant hill! And ant hills attract ant eaters! And ant eaters are awesome!
That marble it's sitting on is pretty sweet, too.
This "cake" finally answers the question where bears go to the bathroom... and it ain't in the woods. And that's awesome.
Chili's really has come a long way with their molten lava cake. Awesome job, guys!
XOXO,
Emily Phillips :o)
Let's see... That last cake... Um, it's chocolate!! And so shiny, too. Wow!
hi, i do like that chocolate cake, it reminds me of the mountain that guy built in his house in that film ET.
OMG - you kill me! That's what's awesome. The line between poop humor and awesomeness couldn't be any better. Now I think you've made me laugh so hard (but not outloud too much as I'm in a public place and as you well know, being in public and making noises that one might find inappropriate is always a little more embarassing and causes one to make even more noises while trying to suppress such noises is somewhat difficult.)
AWESOME!
--Jessica
OOH Shiny! I like shiney things!
you made me laugh so hard! all i can say is put a cross on it and it's HOLY CRAP!
Wow, look how shiny that icing is. I mean man, that's a nice gloss!!! It must've come out real smooth!
~Kim McLeod
They cleaned *most* of the blood off the lovely marble slab in the last one, is a starting point.
Another good thing is... at least it's not the scary scarecrow above it. BRB, having nightmares.
Having a good bowel movement is awesome! Really, it is. Because being constipated is the opposite of awesome. So this cake is awesome!
The cake is a lovely shade of chocolate and it's displayed on a lovely porcelin err no a marble slab which of course means it's a fancy cake. :)
- Becky Boyer
Well, there's no denying that this cake looks like giant pile of poo and what is good about poo? It's a great fertilizer! The poo can fertilize the wheat that makes the flour that makes the cake...and what are cakes? AWESOME!
It is awesome for the lovely shade of chocolate. As seen in other pictures of your page, not all chocolate is such a dark, rich color.
Also, they only missed icing ONE spot.
They look like there is enough left over that someone could sneak back and fix it!
The Marble Board will make it easier to clean up the left over mess with a minimal amount of soaking and scrubbing. If they had just applied the cake directly to what appears to be a stove, the icing might have gotten down in the burners.
Also, when they finally go to chop up the cake, it becomes much harder to tell what the cake was, since there aren't a lot of elaborate decorations (like peni shaped balloons!).
It's nice because chocolate, no matter how egregious its outward appearance may be, never falls short of love.
This cake took quite a lot of work with the tears...er...tiers and rich glossy chocolate ganache-like frosting. The pastry chef must really be POOPED.
Mmmmmmm...chocolate!
It's nice because chocolate, no matter how egregious it may appear, never falls short of love.