If You Want Something Done Right...
September 2, 2009 "Darling, I don't mean to criticize - because I appreciate your ordering the shower cake, I really do. It's just that...well...I asked you to get a baby basket."
"And I'm just not sure this is conveying the right message."No, dear, it will not be fine; now it looks like we're hosting a baby funeral!
"Hm? Well, what about your cupcakes? How are they supposed to help?"
"Aaaaauuugghh!"Well, what did you expect me to say?!? Yes, I think everyone will 'get the visual', dear. That's the problem.
"Because it's gross, that's why!
"Now look, I need you to go back to the bakery - are you listening to me? - I need you to go back to the bakery, and get another cake. And remember: We are preparing for a new life. Happy, cheerful, life. We are avoiding death, mmkay? Got that? Good. Now hurry up; the party starts in an hour."
[Later...]
Dylan B., Angie F., & Meghan E., I'm told that cupcake is vegan. Anyone else find that ironic?
And speaking of which, if you live in Utah and are imagining all the events you could liven up with some gourmet vegan fetus-cupcakes, then you can order them here. (Uh, I don't think they call them fetus-cupcakes, though. And please don't tell them I sent you. Heh.)
- Related Wreckage: You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello
Reader Comments (199)
Some people should just not be allowed out of their houses.
I am horrified to say that I do live in Utah and will forever fear baby showers now just in case those cupcakes are masquerading as fertile wombs. This is why I'm not having more children.
now THAT was genius!!
An improvement on the "Joy of Birth" cupcake, with the blood and afterbirth and baby: a thin strand of a red Twizzler for the umbilical cord.
Okay. That's the reason I don't post here very much...
Funny But I have the greatest WV
WV: deder- These cakes are deder than usual
Proud to say I am from Utah, even prouder to say I have zero plans to order the vegan cupcake!
First time I have gotten a little sick to my stomach from reading this blog. Yuck.
haha wow.. the birthing cupcake is my favorite, so gross
I'm a little skeptical about the authenticity of the cupcake. There is nothing on the bakery's website to indicate that they made or sell the cupcake with the baby in it. In fact, it looks like a decent bakery. I'm wondering if the baby wasn't added later after the cupcake came home.
Man walks into a bakery
"Er hi, we're having a party and we'd like a cake in the shape of a baby basket."
"a Casket? Oh I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Loss????"
HOW did no one twig???
I'm I just stupid. . .what could possibly be a reason for getting a cake about celebrating life and avoiding death? I just don't get it!
How strange
http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/
Oh my gosh. They keep screwing with pregnant hormonal people and someone just may get shot up with one of those things.
as for that cupcake... it is probably a baby shower game.
"whoever gets the baby in the cupcake wins a special prize!"
#1 A tiskit, a taskit, a cake shaped like a casket... in pink no less. What message are we going for here?
#3 *brain attempting to process juxtaposition; brain seizing up in effort*
#2 Sweet. Jesus. Can't unsee this!
Okay, baby in a king cake is one thing. But baby sliding out in gush of simulated blood??? Wow. Even my exceptionally warped mind is appalled and revolted.
That baby cupcake totally made my day and cheered me up! (wait, lemme explain!)
A few years ago my then roommate and I made a Cthulu jello mold for a Halloween party, and in each of his tentacles we had a little plastic baby. We made a sign to put next to the dish that warned against eating the babies, but it just maked the dish that much funnier. It was the hit of the party! Our friends still bring it up at ever Halloween party since.
I'm so gonna have to make those cupcakes this year!
The first cake is just hilarious, but the last one is totally creepy. 0_o
Unfortunately, this post is just more proof in my theory that baby shower cakes are the most twisted, evil things on the planet.
The cupcake made my jaw drop. And I too had to go to the bakery website where there was no 'fetus' listed in the fillings column.
Really? Do you have ANY background whatsoever on the last one? That's just bizarre.
I think it was the moment of shocked understanding coming so suddenly, but the cupcake made me laugh HARD -- harder than I have in quite awhile. Now that I've read the rest of the comments, most from the horrified camp, I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me.
Anyway, thanks. :)
i live in utah, and I LOVE it! funny, I love your blog!!!!!
I think I have to say that this is your most disturbing entry. EVER. I think I'll spend the next week trying to get those images out of my mind, especially that cupcake. *shivers*
Due to slow business volume during holiday weekends, Cakewalk will be CLOSED July 23-26
Must be those special UTAH holidays....
So I looked at the vegan bakery's myspace page and they have the afterbirth cupcake in their photo gallery!
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=198678706&albumID=1272178&imageID=10064494
But what is more disturbing is the first comment, "super cute."
That cupcake is neither super nor cute!
More like bloody disgusting.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! What was anyone thinking having a baby body inside a cake? That's not cute, that's not even vaguely related to a good idea.
Sack all the staff at that bakery now.
I too really want to know the story behind the last cake. Seriously?!?!?
Here I am in Utah, a state I love! I love the people, I love the mountains, I even love the snow. Why is it then that I am embarrassed that I live in Utah right now?
Oh, my God, Jen. You've outdone yourself. Where do you get this stuff???
I find the cupcakes funny-gross, not pukey-gross. I think I'd laugh if I bit into one of those. Haha-ewww.
But the last cake. WTF. I know there's a lot of wtf moments here, that's the point. But really - avioding death? WTF?
Becky
as soon as they pass the law banning CCCs, they then need to pass the law stating that no life-like baby likeness (read: ultrasound, color or otherwise) shall ever grace a cake or cake-like food.
YECCH!
Wow. Gross. Sad. I think these are the worst I have seen.
***Shudder***
Dear Anonymous, July 24th is Pioneer Day, celebrated in Utah & Idaho. If you had ancestors who died in starving frozen chunks crossing the plains in the dead of winter to avoid being tarred and feathered by their own countrymen, you'd celebrate, too.
Any-whoo, totally disturbing entry, Jen...and seriously, let us know what the deal is with that last cake, cuz OMG...
That is just so, so wrong...
Here a few more reasons I shouldn't have children!
So, not only do the cupcakes contain little plastic babies for the baby shower guests to choke on, they also have all that liquid red goo that will make everyone's nice party dress look like they have been coughing up blood!
Runny fillings in cupcakes is a no-no!
Ewwww...this post takes the cake for horrid and bizzare !
For real, get off the cupcake. It just lacks the caption "You got your little plastic toy in my jelly filled cupcake!" a la Reese's PB cups. And then it would almost make sense.
And the casket is weird and unfortunate.
But HOLY CRAP what is going on with cake number 3???????? There is something profoundly unwell lurking in that frosting.
That cupcake is the worst thing I've ever seen! OMG! Ha ha ha!!!
for CW#1, I am just choosing to believe that this is a congratulatory cake for the #1 female casket salesperson at the Happy Times Mortuary. Obviously a full-size casket replica would be an overabundance of cake; hence, the miniature version -- not a casket for a baby, just a "baby-size" casket.
Or the wreckorator misread "basket" as "casket". Common error. Usually a result of coming into the world in the form of: bleeding cupcake.
Oh no. Those cakes are disasters.
The cupcake looks less like childbirth and more like the chestburster from Alien, imho.
Even assuming the Casket Cake wasn't for a bay, but, say, to congratulate a woman who was just certified as a mortician? It's still fugly and wrong.
@blueraindrop: Thanks for posting the link to Faith Hope's blog. I have been introduced to more amazing folks through Cakewrecks, which is very interesting indeed. Faith Hope and sweet baby James are probably having a great time playing together in Heaven.
This comment brought to you by all the prior comments that intrigued me enough to comment.
The last cake would have been decent if it hadn't insisted on taking a Halloween graveyard scene on one side. Or pink, mutated, lady bugs infesting the other.
Okay, so the sentiment could have been nice if it hadn't been done in such a haphazard way. Because if you've found there's something physically wrong with your child and there is a doubt of the birth going well I can see wanting to reflect as much on the centerpiece a.k.a. the cake.
I can't see it wanting to be done in such a rudimentary, hapless sort of way. Because, really, all the second half of the cake needs is bats and a yellow moon.
And if it is, indeed, for a mother pregnant with an anencephalic baby...well, tasteful would be a helpful adjective for constructive criticism. A tombstone? Really?
My word verification looks to be parwe. As in these cakes didn't make PAR so WE quit.
On my screen, that cupcake goo is vaguely orange. Aah, I said, so that's where carrot-riding mohawk babies come from! They are born bald, and brought down to us by sweetly frosted cupcake angels. The carrot puree is obviously for comfort in transit.... musta been a bumpy landing though :)
... okay, so that helped me over the grossitude!
MC: First-time poster from New Zealand
WV: renail: keep trying those funeral cakes until you renail it!
I'm surprised no one has suggested it yet...judging by the crucifix and the word "Congratulations," I think #1 may be a First Communion cake (or maybe confirmation?) I haven't been inside a Catholic church in a long time, but don't they store the communion bread and wine in a little shrine thing? The cake may be that instead of a coffin.
#2 is probably someone's idea of a morbid joke. I know plenty of people who would think it's funny. I've never seen a King Cake made as a cupcake or with fruit filling. They're usually elliptical rings of cinammon dough with glaze and colored sugar on top.
I'm guessing #3 is either two cakes placed together for a funny photo or for someone who is both pregnant and has recently had a brush with death.
#1 might also be a poor attempt at making a Bible-shaped cake, if the "handles" on the side are meant to be pages or a book's binding. Either way, I prefer to think this is meant for a religious ceremony other than a funeral.
RE: the Pioneer Day comment -
And does that bakery make Pioneer Day cakes for the holiday, complete with said frozen, starved to death chunks lovingly recreated in frosting or fondant?
Okay, I know in the old days, favors were put in party cakes.
But a baby in a cupcake? Surrounded by what I hope is strawberry Jello?
Oh dear GOD.
I'm going to have nightmares.
Okay, those cakes are totally messed up! Why on earth would you have them at a baby shower?
Congrats on the article on The Daily Beast! I am looking forward to buying the book and giving it to my friends for xmas.