If You Want Something Done Right...
September 2, 2009 "Darling, I don't mean to criticize - because I appreciate your ordering the shower cake, I really do. It's just that...well...I asked you to get a baby basket."
"And I'm just not sure this is conveying the right message."No, dear, it will not be fine; now it looks like we're hosting a baby funeral!
"Hm? Well, what about your cupcakes? How are they supposed to help?"
"Aaaaauuugghh!"Well, what did you expect me to say?!? Yes, I think everyone will 'get the visual', dear. That's the problem.
"Because it's gross, that's why!
"Now look, I need you to go back to the bakery - are you listening to me? - I need you to go back to the bakery, and get another cake. And remember: We are preparing for a new life. Happy, cheerful, life. We are avoiding death, mmkay? Got that? Good. Now hurry up; the party starts in an hour."
[Later...]
Dylan B., Angie F., & Meghan E., I'm told that cupcake is vegan. Anyone else find that ironic?
And speaking of which, if you live in Utah and are imagining all the events you could liven up with some gourmet vegan fetus-cupcakes, then you can order them here. (Uh, I don't think they call them fetus-cupcakes, though. And please don't tell them I sent you. Heh.)
- Related Wreckage: You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello
Reader Comments (199)
I have a theory for the last one. It's an evil joke-cake for a pregnant woman whose baby shower coinsides with her 40th birthday. That's just cruel. Imagine the hormone-induced wrath one would face for presenting the preggo with that cake!
All I can say is, give that little naked baby a carrot and a Mohawk, and send him on his way!
^..^
If it weren't for the hysterical running commentary I would have been outraged and nauseated... But because of the imagined dialogue I nearly snarfed my coffee. Congratulations! Proof that the written word still matters!
Ohhh. Emmmm. Geeee. The second one made me a little ill, and then I read the comments and realized I'd missed the BABY coming out of the cupcake, and now I'm REALLY ILL.
The last cake is very strange. What circumstances would inspire such a bizarre cake?
That's so funny!
no matter what the occasion, putting 'congratulations' on a coffin shaped cake is hilariously passive-aggressive. In the baby case, it also happens to be a bit horrifying too.
As for the cupcakes... words fail me.
Its been said before that sonograph cakes are a bad idea. That being the case, the less said about that last one, the better.
I told my husband about the baby cupcakes. He wants a boob shaped version with cream filling. He thinks that's appropriate. My bet is men did order these cakes. Ha!
What. the. H?
WHAT?
Those are creepy!
My faith in humanity. The cupcake destroyed it.
I'm kind of ashamed to admit I'm from Utah right about now. Wait, what? Nothing.
Blarf! A wombcake with baby and afterbirth filling. The only thing missing is an umbilical cord. I don't want to know what flavor that filling is.
Word Verification is : exlpo
How fitting.
found the name of issue on third... anencephaly
see how back of the head isn't filled in and rounded?
some of the sonos here look a bit similar http://babyfaithhope.blogspot.com/2008/12/our-journey-so-far.html
so the baby wasnt likely to survive very long after it was born.
Okay "Preparing for a new life/ Avoiding Death"??????????????
I'm not sure which is scarier, the people who ordered that cake or me for wanting the backstory.
Yeeeeoookay, look. Cake is meant to be the last bastion of HAPPY in the world. When you come home from a long day at the wage-slave cube farm, finish reading the papers about the death of the economy and the fact that you will NEVER EVER get to retire, not EVER; when you've paid your bills out of the freshly-deposited paycheck and realize that you will be eating ramen for the next two weeks...
At the end of all that, there should be CAKE (glory-noise SFX)--the final remnants of purity and pure JOY in the world.
These cakes? There ain't no joy in these cakes. There's not even any joy in the same ZIP CODE as these cakes. These, in fact, do not qualify as cakes--they are malevolent, saddening imposter-creatures. And that cup"cake"--no matter WHAT the "explanation" might be--is unconscionable. That is a large order of EEEEWWWW, with a side of BLARGHHHHH.
Now, having said that...Can anyone else admit the possiblity that the last cake is really TWO SEPARATE, unrelated cakes in very close proximity? I'm reaching here, I realize, but in the absence of a logical explanation, my mind reaches for the next best thing.
(That cupcake....maaan. Did I mention "EEEEEEWWWWWWW"? I did? Well, consider this a reminder, or something---EEEEEEEEWWWWWW.)
Ha, it's funny because men (particularly husbands) are totally incompetent! Like "According to Jim" and those yogurt commercials! Hahaha!
I swallowed a bug!
Because my mouth was agape for so long after looking at today's wrecks.
I'm stunned speechless.
I LOVE this website, but I must say that this post today was a little on the awful side. Slightly insensitive. I know it's meant to be funny, but it wasn't. Sorry.
-Sarah
Melinda - I don't know about you, but boob cupcakes sound way better than plastic baby cupcakes. The red filling is what did me in. I'll join the gagging now, thanks.
Oh, what a marvellous idea - I'm so doing those cupcakes for Halloween!
O.M.G.
It took me a second pass to realize there was a plastic baby in that bleeding cupcake. Creepy.
Now you've showed some crazy stuff before, but this one is ridiculous. I can't believe there is actually a cake that says "Celebrating new life" "avoiding death" on it. CRAZY!!!
@Fluffy Cow:
That's not a little hand. That's a little baby - with two little hands (and two little feet - awww aren't those wittle toesies so cute! ... uh, sorry, as you were).
You know, the first one wouldn't be so bad...except for the COFFIN HANDLES on the sides.
The others...Oh. My. Heavens. I don't think there's enough brainbleach in the world, especially for the 2nd one.
I should just keep a supply of Unicorn Chaser at my desk for just such an emergency...
I simply can't believe anyone would be so tasteless (pardon the pun) as to make cakes like that. Who hears "baby casket" and feels good about themselves writing congratulations on it. I couldn't have done it, even if it was for a paying job. WHY didn't it occur to the bakery to inquire again if that was really what was ordered? Basic common sense!
I do find the cupcake funny, but only for a Halloween party. And that last cake is just the height of horror. Are they effing serious? H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E !!!
I'm horrified. There are no words. As one who was twice knocked up and had showers of her own - I cannot fathom the "WHY" behind all this.
Here I sit in stunned silence.
Stephanie C.
Oh poor Fluffy Cow....yeah...it's not a hand.
Bad day for the bakeries, eh? Everyone got the order wrong.
The vegan cupcake is a "taste" of irony.
~Amy B.
wv: "change" We so need to change bakeries, dear!
I threw up a little in my mouth! yikes!
I'm not sure which one is worse, although that cupcake, wow. Really not the right visual for a baby shower.
oh my gosh, I have tears in my eyes from this one. SO friggin hilarious and WEIRD.
Those cupcakes are disgusting looking. I mean, it takes a lot for me to not want to eat a cake, but I think this is the first time I really could NOT stomach it.
These are possibly the most disturbing cakes/cupcakes I have seen here. And that's saying a lot! Just...wow. No words.
Okay, it wasn't just my eyes, that I saw a pink coffin or a pink graveyard. Good, that my phantasies didn't fool me, but the cake is still creepy. The "pro-life"-cupcake is extremly creepy. And dangerous. Imagine, someone swallow this plastic baby. I mean, in the worst case scenario you can truly say: "A new life doesn't avoid dead." And that is a good lead to the third cake. This is creepy and unlogic. Have you ever heard, that someone stopped dying because a baby was born??? Or didn't I understand the secret logic behind that. I mean, I am a foreigner. Maybe it is a common term in the U.S.A. that I just don't know?
OMG.
The cupcake made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
So, nine years after my infant daughter died, they finally came out with a cake we could have used for her funeral. It certainly would have livened things up at the luncheon after the burial.
What the heck were they thinking?
The cupcake one actually made my stomach twist. Thank you for a little dose of horror this morning! :P
K the last cake made me laugh so hard. I could not imagine having that at a baby shower. The first on was akward and I agree with the other posts you think they would check these things. Ans the cupcake words fail me.....
When looking at the last cake, my husband exclaimed, "As if the one on the left with all the flies wasn't scary enough."
This is really helping me stick to my diet.
Ack! These cakes actually existed?!!??
HOLY. CRAP. I thought those baby oozing cupcakes were bad until I saw the life & death cake. I seriously gasped and covered my mouth I was so shocked!!
I think the cupcake is an arrangement, a custom made bad joke. The victim places the fork into the wreck to be... (surpriiiise!), an idiot comes out of somewhere laughing insanely: Just kiddin, just kiddin...(mmmmuaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa)[snif-snif]...gimme a hug (aaaaaaaa-hahahaha-mmmmuu-huhu-hahaha-...haaa..!)say hello to the camera sweetie.(captures kodak moments)...Larry you can bring the caaaaaake!!
By the way, number 1 should be in the cover of a CD featuring the single Gothic Pinata Cake.
Wow. What on EARTH were those wreckerators thinking??? There's no way they can pass that first one off as anything BUT a pink coffin (hostess was ticked at the mother-to-be, perhaps?). The fetus cupcakes could have been cute if they'd made the filling pretty much ANY other color (I'm from Mardi Gras country, so I got the idea). The last one, though, baffles me. My parents lumped my brother's Christening and their marriage vow renewal into one lovely ceremony and had one cake (lemon--no specific theme), but I can't think of any combination of parties that would lead to that monstrosity!!! And, of course, someone gets a piece with baby head on it. That's appetizing. Yeesh...
I am disturbed by these cakes... the 2 sided one really has me perplexed. What occaision could that even be for?
Great day in the mornin'! What in the hell are those supposed to be?!?
I'm thinking the cupcake, however disturbing, might have just been an unintended wreck. Maybe they just ordered strawberry filled cupcakes and wanted to add the traditional Mardi Gras baby everyone keeps mentioning. Not realizing what the end result would look like.
No one in their right mind would make that on purpose!
Stunned. I. am. stunned.
Which would be my reaction if I got the first one. I would not be able to stomach eating the second or the third.
Until this blog, I never thought that I would say that.
Jen, please find out the story behind the last cake. I am hoping that there is an explanation that makes it less horrific.
What the...?!?!