To the Pain
May 21, 2009 These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.
For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...
The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!(Now with matching ladybug!)
"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?
Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:
C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?
And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:
I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.
Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.
Reader Comments (225)
OMG! I just found you and I am laughing hysterically!! This is such a great blog! I am a very good baker of cakes and this is almost like sugary/carbo porn! :) Thanks for making my day. Can't wait for another mishap helping to be served.
i can't even watch that movie when my husband is home because i quote all the lines and it bugs him! hahahaha
great use of the movie with the wrecks! brilliant.
"we'll never survive!"
"nonsense! you're only saying that because no one ever has!"
SO lovin' your princess bride appreciation. quite enjoyable.
"She doesn't eat the cake at this time."
"What?"
"The cake doesn't get her. I'm explaining to to because you look nervous."
"I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit 'concerned' but that's not the same thing."
Best I could do. Oh, I notice the last one is covered by sheets of chocolate.
Wrecks and The Princess Bride... you have officially made my day. :) And the comments made me laugh just as much as the actual post. Thanks everyone! :)
The Princess Bride is one of my absolute favorites, so I was thrilled when I saw the title! I was a little worried that no one else would catch all the references, but just glancing at the comments, I was pleasantly surprised! I love that there are so many other PB fans!!!
"Quite a wreck, isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the cake makes you feel."
OK, I totally cheated and looked this up because I couldn't remember exactly how he put it.
I just want to know - does the sheetcake (I use the term loosely) contain cupcakes? It looks like someone just took a bunch of chocolate and wrapped it around a stack of cupcakes.
The hotdog surfing atop a chocolate poo wave...too awesome for words! Definitely a contender for a CW t-shirt.
I have worked w/ the Victory Junction Gang (an awesome group, btw) and they are very protective of their logo and how it's used. Totally uncool of the cake maker to use it so randomly. Wierd, too!
Hot dogs surfing on carmel poo did make me snort Fresca through my nose. We're so 9 years old, aren't we??!
Oh ya...
And it's totally INCONTHEIVABLE(gotta insert the lisp, ya'll)
I usually lurk here but I had to post regarding the last one. I was wondering if the person who ordered it did so over the phone...
That MAY explain the problem. A bad connection could be the reason that a SHEET cake comes out looking like... well, you get the idea.
Sorry if someone already suggested this possibility... there are alot of comments here!
I'm loving the theme today!
OMG. The caramel poo cake had me CRACKING UP for like 3 whole minutes. I have followed this blog for a long time but have never commented. That cake and the words you used to describe it had me in fits of laughter. A hot dog riding a poo wave!!!! HAHAHA! :-) Thanks for brightening my day.
i love the princess bride.
Chocolate wrapping gone wrong on that last cake...
I'm still trying to figure out what the devil it's supposed to be.
*snap*
Oh drat, there went a fuse in my brain...
You should get all sorts of Bonus Points for the Princess Bride references!! You totally scored..
and I'm afraid to admit that I kind of liked that first cake...
but that *Last* one???? O. M. G.!!!!!
It's kinda scary. -- I mean, what's in the thing???
Cupcake Cake! Cupcake cake cupcake cake cupcake caaaaaaaaaake!
*OMG LOVE* all the fantastic PB references...
I'd like to pretend that they made one too many cakes that day. It was a slow day - let's say Thursday. Usually, they only sell x number of cakes, but someone got happy with the batter and they ended up with x+y. Instead of tossing them out they said, "F--- it; let dust off the those old plastic figurines no one wants, put a lot of frosting on 'em and watch what happens."
I'd like to believe in my strange little world that the frosting on the second cake is actually blueberry-, strawberry-, chocolate-, and banana-favored. Why? Who cares? It's just Thursday.
I like the hamburger and hot dog cheesecake. Those decorations look like the little Japanese gummies you can buy in Japanese import stores. The decorator was just trying to be cheeky (like how I tell my boyfriend that I want a "Sorry About The Herpes" Disney cake with decapitated clown heads at the edges as our wedding cake) - is a weird sense of humor not allowed?
I also love the funky chocolate coating on the sheet cake - very abstract - though the logo is just odd.
Wow. . . these are very, uh, interesting.
I knew I loved this blog before... but anything that quotes the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME that many times in only 1 entry... *sigh* ... Jen ... if I were a man (and we were both unmarried) I would propose right now! ;)
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means
Love the Princess Bride Reference!
What, in the name of semi-sweet chocolate, is that last cake???
wv: delyma ~ quite obviously the cheesecake topped with mini hotdogs and hamburgers riding waves of poo.
Even the R.O.U.S.'s would leave those disasters alone.
"Truly you have a dizzying aesthetic."
"Just wait till I get going!"
Loved it. (:
Now I know for sure that we who love Cake Wrecks are a mighty fine group - cause we so love the Princess Bride! I knew I'd find my niche one day!
~Ann~
Okay... I had to leave earlier because I Just..
COULD NOT..
wrap my brain around the last one.
.. I ... I can't..
I still can't..
What the heck?!
wv: (first one!)
tomin - the race that cake wrecktators are part of. Not Human, they're Tomin...
"A word, my Lady? We are but poor cakewreckers, is there a bakery nearby?"
"There's nothing nearby, not for miles."
"Good then there will be no one to hear you scream!"
Poo surfing hotdogs, what's not to love?!?!
Wrecksisstant: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent cake.
Wreckerator: Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
"mini hot dog riding a poo wave" You crack me up!
Oh, and about that last cake:
"Since the invention of the Cake Wreck there have been five Wrecks that were rated the most hideous, the most awful. This one left them all behind."
Mmmmm, nice, love the shine on assorted excrement themed cakes....shiny love shiny.
From all the Princess Bride refs, I think it's obvious the last one is a particularly unphotogenic ROUR*.
Or at least the droppings of one...
(Rodent of Unusual Size)
-Danielb
"Anybody Want a Peanut?"
Love the Princess Bride Reference, too funny! The surfing hotdog... priceless! Keep up the excellent work.
Ugh. Looking at those cakes made me WANT to take Iocane powder.
Are you kidding??? I mean in the cake world miniature food items riding on giant blobs of..... caramel is like the new naked babies riding on carrots, I mean seriously you gotta keep up with the latest trends....
W.V. Spitio... I think it must be the name of the overly artistic baker who made that last cake....[fake french accent] "Hmmf, they hire me for my creative greatness and all they want is a little 'sheet cake.' I will show them what a great Spitio cake really looks like!"
Me thinks I'd rather be tortured crying out "TO BLATHE" than lay mine eyes on a hotdog surfing poo cake!
And, just perhaps the "Sheet cake" ...was made by a little old Italian Woman who pronounces $hit like Sheeet! Therefore she got what she asked for...hmmm just maybe.
I must have been truely out of it yesterday. It took until late in the day before I realized you were referencing the Princess Bride.
LOL.
You know...I keep looking at that last one, and having a conversation with myself:
It's ugly
But it's wrapped in dark chocolate.
What is it?
It's wrapped in dark chocolate.
Who would pay for that thing?
It's wrapped in dark chocolate.
You get the idea. If you put it in front of me, I might crab out how it looks...after I ate it.
It's wrapped in dark chocolate.
and I'm apparently Inigo Montoya's sister given my id's predilection to repetition.
It's wrapped in dark chocolate.
I loved the Princess Bride references in the post, and the ones in the comments are making me laugh even harder. "I clearly cannot eat the cake in front of me." being my favorite.
I think I'm going to have to watch PB soon.
wv= repas
Thank you for the offer, but I think I'll repas on these cakes.
I am crying from laughing so hard. Hot dog surfing poo?!? Once again your commentary is the best.
I had to squint a little and travel back many years to my childhood, but the "psychadelic clover", I think it supposed to be a Frodis from an episode of "The Monkees" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbUwhVRQPL0 )
StacyH
My 15 month old daughter just called that first one "Elmo." Keen eye, kid!
"C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?"
Best. Quote. Ever.
veg
So my mother in law is actually the one that ordered the sheet cake... she was so flabbergasted when she saw that cake she was speechless... I didn't find out until later that is NOT what she intended. And the reason it has the VJGC logo is because my husband and I met as working as counselors there, it's a great place. But yes, the cake is a running joke in our family...
Maybe the sheet cake broke into pieces when they removed the pan. So they said, "Here, let's pile it up and wrap this fondant around it."
Is it just me or do these blobs of chocolate look like melted peeps?
The yellow one eyed monster is just... wrong. But ya gotta love the pool surfin' weenie! I didn't even know they made a meat flavored cheese cake!!
lol!! thanks for the laugh!
At first I thought the poo swirls were chocolate-covered marshmallow peeps. Am I on to something here? I'm thinking that chocolate-covered marshmallow peeps might be the most brilliant idea ever.