To the Pain
May 21, 2009 These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.
For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...
The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!(Now with matching ladybug!)
"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?
Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:
C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?
And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:
I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.
Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.
Reader Comments (225)
I forgot to wish you happy birthday yesterday. Checked in, but work was too busy to read the comments and add my own.
But I discovered your wonderful blog on the day you posted the Olympic Rings cake, and have been snorting religiously ever since.
I turned many of my fellow cube-mates onto it, too. So each morning we come in, work, work, work, and then someone laughs... signalling to check out Cake Wrecks! The post is in! Who'da thunk there were this many wrecky cakes? Many more years, Jen... MANY!
Long live the Princess Bride! So much fun to see it again this weekend! I thought your references were great and then I read everyone else's. LMOA with tears streaming down my face! Thanks for the laughs as those cakes were truly "inconthevable."
I'm hoping that at least one of these bakers suffered HUMILIATIONS GALORE after making these cake wrecks!
The Princess Bride is the best movie. Ever.
"To blaaaaaave" That's what these cakes are doing. Blaving. Because clearly they are trying to bluff their way into making everyone think they're really SUPPOSED to be that ugly.
Amy, "Yeah, I'd like something simple. You know, like a sheet cake."
Wreckorator, "As you wish." A little while later.
Wreckorator, "Oh my sweet sheet cake! What have I done?"
Wreckorator jumps off mountain.
And let's not forget...you should wait what, an hour before going swimming! :)
Iona
Stop rhyming and I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
NOW I see the campfire in the middle of the cheesecake. It all makes perfect sense now. How else would we cook the burgers and dogs?
Brings new definition to SHEET cake.... are those supposed to be bed sheets or aluminum sheets made of chocolate??? Huh...
(AAAAAAAAS YOOUUUUUUU WIIIIIIISH!!!!!)
I was really hoping to see some princess bride cakes here! Something like... An R.O.U.S, perhaps?
http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:QNkatcgfVeTGlM:http://www.bonbonbakeryandchocolate.com/rat1.jpg
Yes, someone actually made an R.O.U.S cake.
WV- Phosa
I'm gonna phosa girl that I know to make me an R.O.U.S cake for my birthday.
When I look at the hot dog surfer, I hear the Old Spice song in my head...
O fortuna...
"Customers who bought "Cake Wrecks" also bought "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" by Jane Austen." Hmmm...they also viewed a turtle pull-apart cake (CCC?)mold.
GAH!! I can't even come up with a clever Princess Bride comment because everyone else has already done it!! Oh well. I'll have to check earlier in the morning next time.
Ohh, and in reference to the ROUSes, didn't you have a rat cake post back there somewhere? Some heinous Steel Magnolias flashback... I think it would totally fit here. *nod*
A chocolate poo cheesecake with hotdogs and hamburgers... what the heck??
See, the wreckerator at the bakery where Amy S. got her cake has a very negative view of marriage. So since s/he felt that Amy was "throwing her life away", s/he made her a garbage bag cake.
It's all very simple, really. ;)
WV: pawdle - a small puddle just deep enough to ensure that your dog tracks muddy water all through your house.
I love the Princess Bride and your blog. Both of them together is awesome.
I'm a race fan and even I don't understand that last one...seriously what was is supposed to be?
Ah! So, uh, I guess the link that I posted is to a site that tries to put malware on to your computer. Very sorry for that! Why people would use a site called bonbonchocolates for evil is beyond me, but...
Oh wait!! I got one!!!
The hot dog surfing on poo cake... I know what cake that is. It is the Cake of Refuse. So bow down to it if you want, bow to it! Bow to the Cake of Slime, the Cake of Filth, the Cake of Putrescence. BOO!! BOO!! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! BOO!! BOO!! BOO!!
Oh, this is great! I love this blog that much more now. Cakes (however wrecky they may be) and Princess Bride quotes, doesn't get much better than that, LOL. On that last one, I'm seeing 'sheets' too, but yeah, how the wreckerator got that idea is INCONCEIVABLE! 'Have fun stormin' da castle!'
~Jenn~
Oh man! That first cake is THE BOMB!
WV: snerunf. That final cake is meant to look like snerunf.
The only redeeming thing I see with that last one is it looks to be yummy chocolate. Otherwise, a sheet cake? Perhaps if they dropped a sheet cake and then fondanted the thing to cover the cracks. Or a roll in the sheet cake...but doesn't that come after the wedding?
wv: Tragge, as in the last cake needs a tragge team, stat!
You keep on making these "cakes" ... I do not think they mean what you think they mean...
Love love love Princess Bride! Awesome... I was thinking pool party patty may have found some lightening sand... Ahhh the fire swamp... not bad really ;o)
I know somethin' you don't know....I am not left handed.....not sure what those decorator's excuses are! Love the wrecks, love the PB references, great blog, great audience!
My name is Inigo Montoya...you wrecked my cake....Prepare to DIE!
(need I repeat it over and over)....
also....the decorator messed up b/c he "is not left-handed?"
WV: ostract
a conjuncion of "o can someone extract those bakers heads out of their arses?"
Amy S: "I just want a simple sheet cake."
Wreckerator: "Aaaaas....yooooooouuuu...wiiiiiiiissshhhh...."
Amy S: "Oh, my sweet frosting, what have you done?"
I totally got the "to the pain" title, but it took me reading the post three times to realize that the whole post was princess bride themed!
WV: Aphorc
"Gag me with aphorc! Heaven knows I won't be eating any of those cakes with one!"
I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.Quoting The Princess Bride helps too.
And maybe that last one is a hippopotamic land mass? Or the Chocolate Cliffs of Insanity?
LOVE all the princess bride references. Awesome.
I love the "Princess Bride" references...
yeah, the last one is deffinetly a cake with a sheet on it, instead of a sheet cake
like when they order "happy birthday, and under that, Sally" and thats literally what they get
Cake is pain, highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something.
I've made cakes with folded sheets of chocolate. But they were nice cakes a la the Cake Bible.
Cheesecake should never be embellished by anything more than chocolate curls or tons of cherry pie filling.
That shiny one looks like they're duplicating a blown tire.
The cyclops is cute. Even they have birthdays.
wv: squez...should have used a hairdryer and squezed that slab off chocolate into submission.
LOVE the Princess Bride quote :D
That first cake is the most horrifying thing Ive ever seen
Love the blog, love the Princess Bride...only genius would mix the two! Congrats on a year and your book. I suppose all that's left to say is: Jen are there more wrecks ahead? If there aren't we'll all be dead :-)
The first cake is demonstrating that you can still maintain a cheerful attitude even after you've had a disfiguring accident.
Susan
WV comming: I keep comming back to this site whenever I need a good laugh.
Oh how I need a cycloptic smiley tee shirt. Those bright colors, that one giant eye, perfect attire for the next state fair. Please, can you put that design on a shirt?
I've had a bad cold this week, still can't hear well. I totally see how someone might hear 'regular sheet cake' as 'wrinkled sheet cake'.
Ann
Am I the only one that started salivating when they saw the giant pile of chocolate? If I got that instead of a plain ol' sheet cake, I think I'd be jumping for joy! mmmmm.....chocolate.
To the wrecky cake decorator:
"Fezzik, tear his arms off."
Dear God, what are these things?
Had to be said.
Thanks for all your hard work!
Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who decorated cakes for the king all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?
Me: Such anger can only be cured by a slice of cheesecake with extra poo. :)
Can I just say, I love the Princess Bride allusions? It is the best movie EVER!
Wow! Sometimes there's nothing else to say!
Check out this website....
http://downeasttreats.com/Specialty%20Cakes.htm
Would you actually PAY for one of these cakes?
I would say all of these cakes are are pretty much half dead...nah make that ALL dead.
And to these wreckerators: "friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed bakers in Greenland!"
"WHAT?!", exclaimed my husband upon gazing at the cyclops clover. Yeh. It boggles the mind.
The barbie doll cake looks like she was supposed to be one of those that stand up inside a dress, but she fell. OOPS!
Poo-surfing hot dogs. I think it sounds like a good name for a band.
WV: misidi. Put these cakes out of their misidi.
So, SAT scores came out today. These Princess Bride references rescued my day. Thanks Jen!
R.O.U.S. cakes? I don't think they exist.
wv: wrion--the elementary particle of wit.