To the Pain
May 21, 2009 These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.
For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...
The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!(Now with matching ladybug!)
"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?
Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:
C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?
And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:
I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.
Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.
Reader Comments (225)
Wow, just wow. To the Pain- have you watched the princess bride lately?
Loving the Princess Bride commentary! That and the talented surfing hotdog although I'm not sure if I'm more impressed/frigthened by the concept of a surfing hotdog or of a flowing poo wave. . . . something to ponder. . .
Lemme esplain...no there is too much....lemme sum up. FUNNY! Thanks for all the Princess Bride references. :o)
Why why why do people do this!!!! OMG cheesecake with POO! ugh!!
Meow!
http://kitty-cakes.blogspot.com/
I think that caramel cheesecake may have been an attempted ode to barbecues...we are about to kick off grilling season, after all.
EEEWwwwww.....don't think I realized that was a cheesecake at first. WHAT were they thinking??
I am laughing just as hard at the comments as at the cakes, err wrecks. Princess Bride is one of my all time favorite movies, and the commenters are all spot on with their witty references. Here is my paltry attempt:
(In the distance a loud heart rending scream)
"What is that?"
"That is the sound of ultimate suffering."
"But who would have cause, Wesley rescued Buttercup and you got revenge?"
"Did you not see the 'sheet cake'?"
I don't know whats up with any of those cakes (hot dogs and hamburgers on poo waves? Really?) but I LOVE the Princess Bride reference!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
As for the last cake . . . Maybe the baker thought "Sheet cake, shmeet cake!! Naaa, how about stuffing cake in some of those cool yard clean up garbage bags."
Mmmm, yummy . . .
I wonder why if you asked for a sheet cake they would make...that. Bizarre.
..but you have to wait at least 15 minutes for potency and you can't go swimming for an hour, yeah a good hour. :)
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I am laughing and laughing at these ones. The "cycloptic smiley clover of despair" legitimately sounds like something straight out of The Princess Bride. This was great.
If I was the bride, I think my reaction to that "sheet cake" would have very closely resembled that of a shrieking eel!
wow. just wow.
Princess Bride references! That does it- this blog just became my official favorite. Thanks, Jen!
Carrie B.
say "sheet cake" with the accent of Inspector Clouseau...then you understand why Amy's "sheet cake" looks the way it does... just sayin'.
The last cake looks so... pointy and unpleasant. And oily. WHY would someone think it looks appetizing enough to sell?
Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Wreckorator when cake is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...(unveils the "sheet cake" and falls over dead)
And how on earth did the last bride get THAT for a sheet cake when people who order fanciful creations end up with a sheet cake?
Now more than ever, I am convinced some wreckerators come from opposite land.
Oh also, I can haz cheezcakeburger? (sorry)
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You built a crappy cake. Prepare to die.
Oh what I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak!
Princess Bride reference HOORAY! (Imagine Conan O'Brien's nerd impression when saying "HOORAY!")
Princess Bride quote for the WIN!!!!!
Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less than half a hour... and the cake is a total wreck.
I should have known you were a Princess Bride fan!
Wow, these are especially horrible!!
What's not to like about a blog post riddled with Princess Bride referneces?!? :D LOVE these cakes - maybe. I, too, am befuddled with the poo.
Its not a cyclops, I think its supposed to be CROSS-EYED-which, you know, everyone thinks is...um...CUTE? LOL
I see we are referencing Princess Bride now... somebody must have seen it on TV over the weekend ;)
This is the best title for a blog entry ever. I think I might have to start using this phrase more often in my life. Or maybe steal it for my own blog posts! :)
sadly the other day, I met a friend's parrotlet(mini parrot) who she had named Inigo Montoya
so of course I got down on my hands and knees and in my best voice did the "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepared to die"
What I didn't realize was that other people in the room a) didn't hear the bird's name or b) didn't get the reference.
They thought I was threatening the bird, trying to get it to shut up.
*shakes head sadly for these cretinous creatures*
WV - Punter - one who punts people who have not seen Princess Bride
Princess Bride for the win!!
I think this whole post was a cleverly engineered plot so Jen could entertain herself with all her clever commenters' witty Pricess Bride allusions.
I for one, am entertained. But as the best quotes are already taken, I'll sit back and enjoy.
Humperdiiiink. Humperdink, Humperdink, HUMPERDINK! (I just like saying it.)
Hang ten!
Oh goodness.
These were the wreakiest!
Word Verification:
Procis - the bakeries make the cake making procis SOOOO complicated.
Please tell me a "hot dogs riding poo waves" t-shirt is in the making...
right. because feuille d'automnes are muuuuch easier than sheet cake. weirdo baker.
i sort of want hot dog and hamburgah picks for ALL of my cake needs. ALLA THEM.
OK...I'm seriously flabbergasted. WHO would desecrate a cheesecake in such a manner? To me, cheesecake is the King of Cakes (especially when it's of the chocolate variety). I could eat cheesecake for breakfast, lunch, supper, snack and brush my teeth with it...however, the whole campfire theme has me stumped. The poo waves have rendered me speechless. WTH??? Hotdog and burgers with flecks of mold. Gross!! And why did they not have the flames in the upright position? Limp flames...I must go and quietly weep now.
It warms my heart to read so many Princess Bride references in one place. :)
In defense of the cheezburgercake, I don't think those are mold spots on the hot dogs. Rather, they look to me more like scuffed-crud-from-sliding-around-in-a-drawer-for-years-without-being-used spots.
I feel for poor Amy. I'm wondering what the heck it was supposed to be.
Do you think the cheesecake wreckorater simply said to the customer, "As you wish"? (Or As. You. Wiiiisshh.)
The plastic carrot-jockey babies get hungry sometimes. They can eat the plastic burgers and 'dogs!
-Sylvia
All cakes aside, I love being in the company of so many PB nerds!!
I love this blog more than I can say. I laugh out loud every single time I visit. Congrats on making it to one year. I hope to meet you some day. You are my hero. I am going to buy your book now.
Do you know what that sound is, your highness? Those are the shrieking eels. They always get louder when they are about to feast on this, ugh, weird caramel cheesecake with hot dogs and hamburgers decorating it. Really, buttercup, get out of the water and help me figure out what this decorator was thinking.
i bet the person who wanted their melting chocolate taj mahal was mighty pissed to get a sheet cake.
For the record, I think it's awesome that Amy chose to put the Victory Junction logo on her cake. I'm a twenty year veteran of the Hole In the Wall in Connecticut and my heart always smiles when I see another HITW camp represented (especially on a wedding rehearsal cake!)
I can't decide which one I like better....cyclops or poo-surfing hotdog.