Hey, Bebeh
January 8, 2009 "Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"
"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.
"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."
[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"
"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]
"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"
"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."
I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.
Reader Comments (323)
Is it just me, or is that last polar bearskin rug... indecent? What *is* the vaguely arrow-shaped thing? It the rug wrong-side up?
Spam word: Aphytere. Those guys are wearing one awfully ugly aphytere
I think the thing I find most disturbing is that there isn't just one of them. No, there's 2. No, there's 3. OMG They just keep on multiplying!!!
Word verification: boott... why yes, there is an awful lot of boot-t (booty) on this entry!
Amusing and horrifying at the same time!
Wow.... I how the last one appears like its something just sold in a grocery store.
The way you posted the story line with it made the cake SO much more funny!
These should be accompanied by a nice recording by Barry White singing "Let's Get it On."
-Lavetta
BUAHAHAHA!I had to forward this to my sisters and one said she's been at a bachelorette party with this cake! HAHAHA!!!
Where do these designs even come from? One cake like this would be an anomaly, three + makes me think there's something weird lurking out there in the collective unconscious...
This cake is an imitation of Burt Reynold's famous naked photo shoot for Cosmopolitan! Check it out on google images.
I forgot to say that I could almost hear the Barry White music playing in the background.
I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
Thanks...yeah, baby!
Holy crap! Think I had an accident. Ha ha ha!
we sell those plastic hotties where I work. Once I started reading Cake Wrecks I looked at them in a whole new light. And now, here they are, on Cake Wrecks. Why am I not surprised?
I saw this exact cake design in a catalog at a bakery in Baltimore. The guy on the rug was on one page and the one on the next, facing page was for first communion.
All I can think of is the SNL bit with Christopher Walken offering cham-pa-gne...
Hilarious!
I am ashamed to say that I ordered the female version of this cake for my husband a few years ago. I am a Wreck Enabler. I wish I had a picture.
In my attempt to find a picture of what the book cake looks like, I ran into a picture of Mario Lopez, naked, on a bear rug. I'm going to go find a good therapist now
wv: calcomic They have calories, and they are definitely comic.
That's not a polar bear...it's a squished Yeti!
Some women go out on Friday nights. Some prefer to stay home with cake.
I love these! I'll have to see if I can find one for my drag queen friend's 40th birthday.
sessessi: thess plasstic mensss isss ssso sessessi
WOW!!
I don't know if I'm more amazed that people make cakes with plastic gigalos on them or that people make plastic gigalos.
Insane! Wonderfully insane!
WV: gueates -- those mens got some awesome gueates! *bats eyelashes*
Holy moly, these may be worse than the http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/" REL="nofollow">Flame body spray website (also involves bearskin rug).
Hilarious!!! Best Wreck of the year...so far!
Oooh.. god. This just made me laugh til my sides hurt.
I love your commentary, Jen. XD It's the best! I can't decide which one is worse.. it's just all around bad. The pink/purple liquid the first guy is lounging on with his road-kill rug is pretty rank-looking, though..
Oh my freaking heck! This has to be one of my favorite posts of all time.
Beef-cake...yummy!!!
The first guy looks like he's gettin' it on with the Abominable Snowman! I'm guessing that's the Northern Lights in the background?
egads, I saw this one over Christmas but couldn't take a picture because the store security guard was posted right by it.
That is so strange that you put these on today, because I just saw one at the grocery store yesterday! Where are they all coming from?
I haven't laughed so hard in weeks!! The fact that there are at least 4 cakes like this out there in existence makes it even more funny! The commentary was priceless!!
Word vert: fulowe. As in, let that champagne from those watercooler sized glasses fulowe!
As the cakes get worse, it looks like the scary plastic men are jamming their elbows into the "polar bear"'s throats. The last guy wins. That polar bear is down for the count.
Jillian
hahahaha!
Well, now, what have we here?
I think I'll have a migraine with a side of nausea, please.
Those plastic "men" leave plenty to be desired; the heads are WAY too big for the bodies, for one ugly thing--and the legs are positioned all pretty, like a woman's. And they use NAIR! The last one appears to have fallen off the balcony of his cheap motel and landed on a giant three-toed sloth.
Who WOULDN'T want one of these?!
Greatest cakes I have ever laid eyes on. I'll be needing one of these for my birthday which sadly wasn't even a month ago. I can't wait 11 plus months... it'll be sooooo worth it
oh my goodness
as if i wasn't laughing enough when i read the blog post - i came to comment on the bears and read all the comments .... that did it ... i was laughing so hard i was CRYING and my partner came up from downstairs to see what was wrong
after he read it (giggling) he said "i know why you read this everyday"
the bears (?) are the killer for me .... those big black evil eyes .... arhhhhhh
PS in australia we call those speedos 'budgie smugglers' ... !!!
Classic, they are so great and so are your words Jen, I am going to get one of these for my single sister..... she will hate me for it too LOL
Great as always!!
These are so wonderfully wrong that I LOVE them. Definitely the best (i.e., the most laugh-inducing) post I've read in a while!
I just snorted a tic-tac onto my keyboard.
Oh.my.GOSH.
Seriously, this one needs to be framed and put permanently on your sidebar for easy reference.
My four-year old daugther just walked in the room and pointed to the screen. "Can I have one like that for my birthday, Mama?"
Eeesh.
Mmmm. Buttercream, bulging plastic muscles, and poorly executed sexiness.
That's just a typical Saturday night around here...
That's a hunk! Ha, you could try to make your own at this easy bake online decorating game. http://www.ampgames.com/game/559/Easy-Bake.html
I thought that in the first picture, the smooth moves dude was lying on the Michelin Man or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
It kills me that this sort of cake is popular.
-- Kate, redmcfred.blogspot.com
I read this in my mind with a Barry White type voice. I was near tears!
Oh god! I want one. Those are too funny! Where oh where did they find them???
Thank you so much I was having the worst week and this totally cheered me up!!
Holy crap! The first one looks just like George Hamilton in Where the Boys Are!
For what it's worth, I was craft shopping today and, I came across an entire bag of Naked Mohawk Babies for just $1.99.
Of COURSE I bought them. (What're YOU looking at, check-out guy?)
Word verification: hootio. No explanation needed.
I am seriously laughing so hard there are tears rolling. Oh my. I needed that!
I think the funniest thing about these is the sheer volume of them. Who knew there were so many men lying about in speedos on bear skin rugs? Lol!
Wowee wow wow! I had no idea there was a market for these. They totally crack me up.
Appropriately the word verification is borpoo, which sort of is what the guys are laying on. Bwahahaha!
99% perfect. I really think that first dude would have said "shuga", not sugar. So, so funny.
oh.my.god! GENUIS!!! Where can i get one of these bad boys *wink wink*
i was laughing so hard my husband said "you lookin' at those cakes again? Keep it down you're going to wake the kids!" note to self: no reading cake wrecks when muh bebees are sweepin
The music I thought of was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipZDG6__Zfc" REL="nofollow">I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. As for guys using Nair, I had a friend in college who was into bodybuilding, and he shaved a lot of his body. I don't know if he used Nair or anything like that, though.
My mom worked in a place where they probably would have had a good laugh at one of these cakes. (Her female co-workers bought her an "over the hill" bra for her 60th birthday as a gag gift.) And I'm sure there are similar versions with scantily-clad women on top for us guys, so why not these cakes for women?
I think a good rule of thumb is that if there's anything sexual you can think of, somebody else has already commercialized it.