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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries by number1 (55)

Tuesday
Sep042012

Bake Me A Date!

Note: Today's post contains a plethora of vaguely naughty innuendoes, plus at least one "outyourendo."  Please parent accordingly.

 

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Dear HoneyPie3551

I saw your profile on the "Bake Me a Date" website and wanted to contact you. You sound pretty sweet, and I'd love to sugar you up by taking you to dinner. Please let me know if you are interested, and I will preserve us a table. (I switched the word "reserve" with "preserve" because I use raspberry preserves in my cookies. And I'm not so good at wordplay. Please write back.)

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

PS- Here's a picture of me with my shirt off. (This is definitely NOT a photo I found on the internet.) Notice how big my muscles are.

 

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Hi BearClaw993,

Thanks for writing. I like what I see. :)

I really knead a big strong man around the house. Let's have dinner, and then maybe you can let me lick your beaters, if you know what I mean.

- HoneyPie3551

PS - I've also attached a photo. And don't worry; Chad means nothing to me now.

 

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Hey HoneyPie3551,

Yes, I think I know what you mean. I sure would like to melt you in a double boiler, if you know what I mean. No wait, I want to moisten your meringue? Ugh, I can do this. I want to gently fold in your egg whites.

-BearClaw993

PS- In case you didn't see them the first time, I've attached another photo of my awesome muscles.

 

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BearClaw993,

Ooo, you really know how to stretch my strudel. I can't wait to press your waffle cone.

And you'd better be good, or I might have to whip your cream.

- HoneyPie3551

 

 

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HoneyPie3551,

Let's meet tonight and I can frost your cupcakes, and by that I mean I'd like to pre-heat your oven, and by that I mean I'm going to grease your muffin pan.

Something something ladyfingers.

-BearClaw993

 

 

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Dear BearClaw993,

knead to apologize for leaving our date so abruptly. Maybe we can try again in the future when you can get your dough to rise.

Batter luck next time,

HoneyPie3551

 

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HoneyPie3551,

 

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

 

 

Thanks to Lucy, Jenny W., Noreen R., Anony M., Whitney B., & Nthom for the hot stuff. And by hot stuff, I mean hot messes.

Wednesday
Aug292012

The Bearly There Ninja Bears!

 

In every bakery there are treats that are so bad, they need protection from the cruel taunts, jabs, and giggles of Cake Wrecks readers.

 



Lucky for these hapless, hopeless wrecks, a group of mighty protectors have risen to...um...protect...and stuff.

 

We call them...

The Barely There® Ninja Bears!

 


 

Don't be fooled. Those bear pops may look cute, but make one false move and it's pandamonium.

 

 

Many bakeries have already employed this team of highly-dangerous bears to safeguard their most ridiculed desserts.


 

Consider yourself bamboozled.

 

 

With years of ninja training and camouflage mastery, these deadly assassins hide in plain sight.

The "poostronaut bear" is a popular disguise for ruthless killing machines:



"I am a ruthless killing machine."

 

 

There is no match for this vicious blood-thirsty beast, cleverly disguising himself as an overly-frosted sheepdog:


 

Do not underestimate his power to nuzzle you... to death!

 

 

 With ninja bear protection, wrecked cakes and cookies can be proudly displayed on the top shelf, with every hope of actually being purchased.


 

Don't laugh. The first two Adams laughed.

 


And never forget that they're watching you.
And they're Ninjas.
With no sense of humor.
So don't screw with them, man.

 

 

Thanks to Beth L., Jessica T., Elizabeth B., Courtney M., and Stephanie B. for the bear necessities.