More Confessions Of A Master Baker
September 29, 2017 Welcome to another installment of...
Confessions of a Master Baker!
"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."
[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]
"So then," [blowing nose] "Then I told my husband to just bring me more plastic flowers, but we were OUT OF PLASTIC FLOWERS."
;)
"I still have nightmares about brown sugar and chocolate shavings."
[whispering] Confessions...
"They said they wanted 'Starry Night.' Everyone knows Starry Night, right? So I drew it from memory.
;)
"Turns out I don't know Starry Night."
[whispering] Telling Secrets...
"What can I say? I panicked. I grabbed the can of silver spray..."
;)
"... and told the bride it was Art Deco!"
[whispering] Declarations...
"I thought a fondant ribbon down the side would distract from the lopsidedness.
;)
"... Which it did. So I guess, you know, that worked."
[whispering] Professions, but not in a job-like way...
"How hard is it to throw a few rose petals on a cake?"
;)
"Easier than dodging a whole wedding cake, that's for sure."
Thanks to Pat J., Erin R., Anony M., Lauren H., & Natalie W., who I hear is really quick on her feet.
*****
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Reader Comments (19)
Pitch this idea to a network, stat! This is one reality show I would definitely watch and I know I'm not alone. Right fellow Cakewreckaholics? Confessions of a Master Baker new this season on Jjthoj network!
Somebody wanted a baker to reproduce Van Gogh's 'Starry Night' in icing on a cake? An average baker, charging average prices, not a Sunday Sweets superstar? They're lucky it wasn't worse.
1: Inspiration is the mother of infection....
Actually, though; I would never have known that two pet voles had partied on that top cake . ..at least not for long.
2-(Whose memory??Mom and Dad's? On a date in the 70s....? "Whee! I see a rainbow and itssssTALKing to meeee..!")
3- Art yecko I'd believe. (More will no doubt throw that out, too. ...Or UP).
4-I think it would have, maybe, if they'd had the chance. Too bad that cake saw the one before puking.....and you know how that works.
5-How hard?? Pffft! Not hard at all Not. At. ALL.
=^-.-^=
That pink ribbon looks like it was pulling the top layer down with it. Not a bad idea.
What IS that thing on the fourth cake down? It looks like a silvery guillotine.... The heads will roll at this affair! Lopsided and anemic is no way to run a wedding.
(Pssst! Executioner! Chop me off a slice? Thanks!)
=^-.-^=
What are those yellow blobs on the Van Gogh cake? Eeewww!
The Starry Night cake looks like a grocer bakery, yet they expected Van Gogh? Asking for way too much. Sure the decorator could have said no, but if a manager got involved, I can see it being thrust upon a decorator only used to by the book decor. And to be fair, the decorator looked to be copying the background of the photo brought in.
@sending the clowns: It's a letter 'F' captured at an odd angle. Perhaps the baker should have added a 'U' next to it to express their customer service slogan...
Brown sugar = the ORIGINAL sprinkles. (You now, a hundred years or so ago.)
1) Okay, who glued dead dragonflies to all the layers?
2) Sunny Night? Maybe the baker has his days and nights mixed up.
3) Must be a Christmas cake. I hear a song - "Silver Bells".
4) It's the Leaning Cake of Pinksa
5) Red Rose of Bummer
#2:
♫Turtles in the stream
That is all we are
Yellow turtles all
Just back from the bar
Met a baker there
Who’d put us on a cake
And there we a—a—a—r—e ♫
Well the roses are about the only thing on that poop mountain that look nice lol. The rest of it I would run away from never to be seen again.
In defense of the last one, 1. At least rose petals are edible. It could have been frangipani petals. 2. The petals aren't even wilted yet! 3. The petals do distract pretty well from the couldn't-find-my-piping-tips-just-used-a ziplock-with-a-hole-in-it job underneath. I give this wreck a D for Don't Push Your Luck.
Thanks again for more wreckiness. I've been following this site for over a year & the wrecks never get old. Epbot is great, too.
@SaraCVT: Ohhhh....I see it now.... And I like your suggestion! A LOT!
=^~.~^=
The silver one looks pretty good.
I agree with the PP on the Starry Night cake. This could have been a ton worse.
Yeah, it wasn't a Sunday Sweet Show Stopper, but I doubt the person ordering paid for that. I'll throw the purchaser a bone. Maybe this from an actual non box store bakery. Average cake shop usually doesn't crank out Show Stoppers for $100.
I guess they wanted the actual *stars* around the picture. Looking at the original painting, that was going to be hard anyway. I can't see a way of doing without a bunch of TLC, and paying for the time to do it correctly.
Manager took the order. Said *make it so*, and the employee who usually just pipes a crap ton of icing on to cupcakes got stuck.
This wasn't so much as a wreck, but more skill not there to pull it off. At least they tried to match the colors. A true wreck would have been done in baby boy blue with orange blobs.
For Starry Night:
So then, who belongs to the hand? I'm guessing Diego Maradona. If you think it belongs to one of the pair, try to put yourself and your hand in that position without breaking any bones.
The bride is soaring in the Starry Night, with her arms spread wide; granted, a bit eccentric and her shoulder probably hurts a bit.
The silvery one is close to being acceptable, if only the fondant flowed instead of squelching frumpily. And if the smutch-up had a touch-up.