No Body Is Better At Wedding Cakes
February 4, 2016 Last Sunday we saw how bakers used fashionable dresses to inspire some stunning cakes. So TODAY...
;)
We're not going to do that.
See, cakes that look like actual dresses-on-bodies keep popping up, and they tend to be rather creepy.
How creepy?
Well, about as creepy as you'd expect edible neck-and-arm stumps to be:
;)
Not to mention this one looks like its floating up through the table. Spooky.
It's not so bad when the stumps look like a fabric dress form, but for some reason bakers keep making the under bits look like skin. And, worse, wrinkly skin:
;)
Photo removed. Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.
o.0
Now, you might think it'd be better to just go ahead and sculpt the whole bride:
;)
It's not.
And don't go sticking a blow-up doll on your wedding cake, either:
;)
This is also creepy.
Here's one that avoided the skin/stump issue entirely - which I applaud - but then fell down in the whole looking-like-a-human-body arena:
This photo also removed. Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.
Definitely more centaur-shaped. The boobage section in particular is... worrisome.
Still, all of that pales in comparison to this bizarre choice of a wedding cake:
;)
I'm actually weirdly fascinated. I... I can't look away. It's like staring into the sun. A headless, armless, legless sun. That you kind of want to hug.
Or is that just me?
Thanks to Elicia H., Caren, Angela B., Sondra D., Brenda T., Megan B., & Samantha B. for proving no body is better at weddings.
*****
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Reader Comments (61)
That last one needs a better bra.
Not every edible bride can be young and perky.
As the years go by, my body looks increasingly similar to that last cake. I can guarantee you that at no time have I thought to myself, "I must have all of this fabulosity immortalized in cake." Nobody needs that.
On that second cake, let's assume the bride does have noticeably lopsided boobs. I don't think the world would end if they were evened up for the sake of the cake. Just sayin'.
Hug?? No, I don't want to hug that. I don't even want a piece of that to eat. Blech!
#3 More of the black spaghetti mess. I wonder if it was the same decorator who wished Eve a "Happy Bleifg@*?!" last Friday.
If my polish grandma were in a wedding dress, she'd look like the last one. Just hold your breath and go "in" for a hug. 😳
the last one looks like a 70 year old body in a very nice nighty. Don't ask how I know.
Oh, my. What ARE those things on the first cake?
My husband, Jim, as he walked by the computer: "Oh look, another penis cake."
Me: "They're wedding dress cakes."
Jim: "Same thing."
So, I don't know if the first picture was from Sunday Sweets or not, but I'm operating on little sleep this week, and I thought it was a bunch of differently colored toilet plunger heads at first.
Re: cake no. 3, I'm very sorry for Shannon's deformities.Both full bride cakes after that are creeptastic!
Then, I laughed out loud at the next cake with the worrisome boobage area, and I shared your concern.
And finally, is the last dress SUPPOSED to be a maternity gown?
Good lord. That last one looks like a manatee in a wedding dress.
Cake 1: Looks like those "ballerina flowers" from Fantasia mated with whisk brooms.
Cake 2: Sad thing is that the quality of the decorating is actually quite good...it's just the design itself is awful.
Cake 3: Poor "Shannon" looks like a licorice factory vomited on her...and that's the least of her problems!
Cake 4: <shudder>
Cake 5: I think I just threw up a little in my mouth....
Cake 6: Actually is refreshing after the creepiness of the previous two wrecks.
Cake 7: While I have seen people who look like that last cakeform, I can't say that the sight of them would inspire me to use them on a wedding cake. Did the wreckorator forget to put a bra on that cake?
I think I figured out your strange desire to hug that last cake: it looks like a headless, female, wedding dress-bedecked version of Baymax, and he is totally huggable-looking.
OMG!
The first cake really reminds me of Disney's The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It is rather well executed too, if you think of them as magic brooms instead of disembodied dresses.
The last one reminds me of the Venus of Willendorf. With a dress form thingy for a head.
So, the last one is the wedding dress of those fertiity idols the archaeologists find a bit everywhere? Wish i had a picture to show, but that was the very first thing popping in mind.
The last one makes me want to do a reverse motorboat. Stick my face right in there and OM NOM NOM NOM.
I feel like the last one is a 'Venus of Willendorf' tribute
I think the first cake looks like scrubbing bubbles who are so drunk, they're wearing their brush parts on top of their heads.
The last cake needs to read Jen's Epbot blog about buying the right bra!
So, I bet the *actual* dress the centaur wore was gorgeous.
Am I the only one who thinks the last one looks pregnant?
It's pretty clear that the second to last dress was modeled after Roz from Monsters, Inc.
The last cake is from the newest trend in Bridal Shows, sponsored by Prego.
Call a nanny! Bring your OB! Don't you dare miss this big Bridal Show!
Cake #6 If you look at it as sleeping owl in a cape, it's not bad at all!
That last cake....can't.stop.looking. ooOoOOOoo
I have to wonder if the red one were made from a pic of a dress thrown on a floor with a person passed out in it. It looks like its been out all night and just wants to be left alone.
Is the black "blow up doll" really a cake? It doesn't look like cake anywhere. Maybe the cake is hiding out under the dress...
The red cake with "Shannon" on top was NOT made by a professional baker.
Why is it on the list ?
[Editor's note- The person who submitted it to us told us "it was done by a professional at a professional shop." Sorry for the confusion. -john (the hubby of Jen)]
I thought the things on the first one were toilet plungers...
Are those extra-plump pierogi topped with toothbrush heads? Is that Chris Christie's torso in a wedding dress? So much confusion..
Oh, dear, Shannon looks to me like the dress has her by the throat. Or maybe a bag of holding that's been severely overstuffed something's trying to get out.
The last one looks like Venus of Willendorf except in white.
The "centaur" cakes look more like someone threw a blanket over a toilet.
I would not hug it on a plane,
I would not hug it on the train,
I would not hug it in a car...
What the heck is under thar?
The first one would be a win if it didn't have those things on the top.
I love that I'm not the only one that saw venus of willendorf with the past cake!
My husband just asked: "what in the he*& are you laughing and snorting at".....I told him Cake Wrecks....he said "must be pretty bad..." I said 'you just wouldn't believe them if you saw them'. He wasn't interested in getting off of the couch.
OMG! I never thought I would see a cake from a bakery in my own home town on here! I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed.
The second to last cake was made by a local bakery for display at a bridal show. I'm engaged, and needless to say I did NOT select them to make my cake!
Glad to know I wasn't the only person to think of the Venus of Willendorf we studied in Art History class on that last cake. It has kind of an ancient fertility goddess vibe going on.
And the armless ones make me think of Venus de Milo. Maybe instead of the female version of penis cakes, these are really a trip thru ancient Europe??? Or just really ugly cake art.
Is there any cake with the blowup doll?
Can't decide if that last one is boobs or butt.
I thought the cakes were funny until I read @Madeleine Robins comment:
"Good lord. That last one looks like a manatee in a wedding dress."
Broke out in hysterical laughter. Of course, you have to be from Florida to appreciate the comparison.
My husband said that last one looks like a penis, now that's all I see.
The boobage. I can only assume these "decorators" have never seen a real pair up close.
I can't believe no one's pointed out that's Spaceship Earth, not Epcot!
Am I old, or is that not as funny as I think it is?
I looked at the first one, and Poe was instantly brought to mind:
"Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells--"
As for that last cake, I now have an explanation for the current state of my figure: my frosting has melted, too.
I think the second to last one forgot to "scoop and swoop". XD
Oh man those headless and uneven breasted cakes. Scary and hilarious at the same time lol.
I missed a wreck and had to see Epcot instead.