10 Absolutely Ridiculous Easter Cakes
April 18, 2014 "PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS!!"
;)
"Iiiittty bitty living space."
Ever wonder why cake decorators use so much plastic flotsam?
;)
WONDER NO MORE.
Still, where there's a will to wreck, there is a way:
;)
Bravo, wreckerators. BRAVO.
Because when I think of the resurrection of Jesus, I think of splattery tie-dye:
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And carrots on a cross.
(I looked it up: carrots are NOT cruciferous vegetables. Dang it.)
Easter egg or old pepperoni?
;)
Either way, WOW AM I IN THE EASTER SPIRIT.
Q: So how hard IS it to make an egg-shaped cake?
;)
A: Oh, about that hard.
"Quick! To the Dimensionally Inaccurate Carrot Car, Bun-Man!"
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"I'll be right behind you in the Electro Egg!!"
;)
*zodzodzod*
"It's pronounced 'Buh-THEAD.'"
;)
"And that's MISTER Butthead to you."
Confession: I actually love these and want a dozen of my very own:
;)
Mostly because they remind me of this:
Thanks to Holly A., Kathy B., Nicole S., Jennie, Leslie G., Molly, Stacey K., Wesley T., Dimitra S., & Jenna M. for the excuse to post that clip. (The crocodile kills me. The wiggly feet! Ah!)
*****
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Reader Comments (52)
I love how the carrot car has a key to wind it up. (The pick looked like a key to me, especially with the placement at the "butt" of the carrot.) I also guffawed at the squishedness, since the car has two tires below and two above, making it look like a cartoon car that has been splatted by an anvil.
Aladdin!!! I even thought it in "that" voice!!! (I want a dozen of the last chicks too....they look yummily Easterish)
"Easter Egg or Old Pepperoni' gave me the giggles, but the What if Animals were Round? video sent me over the top. What a hoot! Just what I needed to watch early on a Friday morning!
Just so you know, I am wearing my giant Smoky Bear Ranger Easter Bonnet at this very minute!
Wrecky (Happy)
It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
Easter it’s here, so you’ve got to bake
I’m a wrecked cake maker that cannot dec-or-ate
It’s a hare, but I don’t care people by the way
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you feel like you are crammed into an egg
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if your chick head is a long way from your legs
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you know those carrots died for your sins
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you like the egg tree for the win
Wrecky bring me down
Can’t nothin’ bring me down
Chicks are too chubby to bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said bring me down
Pepp’roni bring me down
Cakes are too wrecky to bring me down
No flotstam brings me down
I said
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you feel like your egg car when it speeds
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if Electro Egg meets all your wrecky needs
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you know that Butthead is a hare
Because I’m wrecky
Clap along if you think a nice cake is too rare
I loved that the round chick cupcakes inspired you to post that video--wonderful animation. Which reminded me of this video that my nephew had put on his FB page yesterday:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl98-HwR15s
Looks as though some of the other bakers had difficulty with the concept of "round" -- like the Christmas tree-shaped "egg."
Let's all get in our bubbles and kick around some of these cakes . . .
Ooh, a Panwow creation! :)
...And that video gave me the giggles!
Cruciferous carrots. Love it!
I forgot to mention that all cake #4 needs is a baby carrot jockey to send it over the edge of wreck-awesomeness!
Not cruciferous vegetables...thank you, thank you!!!!
You have GOT to start posting a GPBWP (go pee before watching post) warning at the top of CakeWrecks. I almost didn't make it!
O_o is about all I can say
I'm glad to see that at least one Richard Scary Carrot Car cake has become something since I saw one last year. I sent Jen one but it isn't the one they posted, it used a plastic bunny, and it too had the yellow cupcakes on either side of the bunny's head.
All of the CCC's(Patootie!) I've ever seen are all wrecks. How do they keep getting made? Who buys these things so they keep popping up. If someone wasn't buying them they would have stopped making them by now.
These are absolutely mortifying.
Great. Now I'm bopping around the house, clapping along and singing: "WreckEE-wreckEE-wreckEE-wreckEE...." Thanks, SuBee...
And thank you, Jen, for the Rollin' Safari link! My mum grew up in Kenya, so that's a bonus!
Bravo, @SuBee, bravo!
Cake #6 is a perfectly lovely Christmas tree, even if it is a CCC (ptooie!). Maybe the bakers aren't familiar with Christian traditions and got the two major Christian holidays confused. For future reference, wreckerators, Christmas is the one with the little baby Jesus, watching his Baby Einstein videos...
On "cake" #8, looks like the yolks on the wreckerator. And on #9, and I swear this is true, I once had a student named something along those lines. She wanted it pronounced "Shi-THEAD." Can't imagine why.
Carrots on a cross! What at first appears to be a blending of the sacred and the profane, is simply an example of "What we've got here is failure to communicate." The customer wanted the last half of a Bible verse (1 Peter 5:7, KJV) written on the cross: “He careth for you,” but his request was heard as “a carrot or two….”
(As for the rest of the cakes…not a Peep outta me….)
@SuBee: Bravo! You’ve been on a roll for a while here, and may you always be moss-free!
Aw, the bunny heart cookie is actually a pretty awesome save.
I've been thinking (a dangerous thing, I know, but I can't seem to give it up) and 2 things stand out:
1) It's "PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS...itty bitty living space" not "...L-itty bitty living space." I can't believe you, the Fabuloso Empress Queen Forever and Always of All Things Disney, missed that.
2) If the crocodile really had caught the antelope, and bit it, would it have popped like a helium balloon?
"carrots are NOT cruciferous vegetables"----> made me painfully snort water out of my nose.
Buh-thead? like Te-ah-time? such tasty little trivia delights the heart!
@Mel, I'm having a lot of difficulties suppressing laughter in my shared office here. How on earth do you guys come up with these things? Could there possibly then be some scriptural explanation for the unholy splatters?
Speaking of" Buh-THEAD," I once worked in an office and handled paperwork for someone named Sh*thead (changed the "I" so the post wouldn't get censored out).
Yes. Pronounced "Shi-THEAD.". True story!!!
Actually, the "butthead" cake looks like a woman giving birth to a bunny-faced baby from the doctor's perspective. Very, uh, anatomical.
Is it just me, or did anyone else read the first bit with Genie's voice, a la Robin Williams? Damn, I'm gonna have to go pull out that dvd for a little pre-Easter watching.
Also, while I have seen that video before, it still cracks me up. Which is a problem, as it is 3:30 AM here in Australia. Oops.
So, I watched "The Passion of the Christ" last night. No carrots on that cross, either. Maybe the wreckerator thought Jesus would rise from the dead and say, "What's up, doc?"
However, your "cruciferous vegetables" pun should be nominated for Pun of the Year. Can I have a second?
@SaraCVT
1: thinking is a "dangerous pastime, I know"; c'mon, if you're gonna correct someone on their disney quotes, at least get your own right. Which leads me to
2: Jen's quote is fine; that was a capital i, not an L
=oPPP
I actually laughed at the redeemed/reversed/reused upside down heart made into a bunny. Someone was clever. or desperate
It's an EasterChristmasEggTree! Obviously!!!
You probably won't believe this, but it IS true: Some years ago when I picked up my son (now 11; he might claim that he is adopted i he finds out Iḿ tellin you this...) from Kindergarten an qafternoon just before easter, he very proudly indeed presented me with an easter drawing: A crusified easter bunny.
Yep, that's what I said. A crusified easter bunny. I wish I could show you.
LydiaKk -- thanks for backing me up! Which means at least two families named their poor unfortunate offspring that (unless you live in Florida, as I do). I keep hoping they were just really big fans of Sinead O'Connor and missed by a few letters.
Lol!
The stretched out chicken, the inexplicable carrots on a cross, bouncy round animals... I love this blog! =)
@SaraCVT ... she just capitalized the "I" ... in Iiiittty ... it's not a lower-cased "L"
@SuBee ... you just gave me another reason to absolutely love that song :)
Thank you :) :) :)
The tie-dye cake can actually be attributed to another unfortunate misunderstanding on the wreckerator's part. While taking the phone order for the rest of the cake design surrounding the Careth/Carrots cross (LOVE it, mel!), our poor baker once again misheard the orderer's inspired verse: "By His stripes we are healed." Or perhaps it was a hipster cake baker who felt stripes were too "mainstream." Darn hipsters. ;)
Jen, the round animals video was hilarious! My baby stopped nursing and stared at me because I was laughing so hard.
@SaraCVT, it actually DOES say "iiitttty" up there. It just so happens that a capital "I" looks amazingly like a lower case "l".
Also, I love that the Electro Egg, with the zig zags that, I'm assuming, are supposed to be cracks, actually has a real, live crack in it.
So, with hubby and offspring off, I crassly skipped commenting this morning and slept in. (Actually, I got up, fed the cat, read CW at 7:00, watched the video, and went back to bed.) It's nice to have so many funny commenters to hold down the fort -- I'm talking about you @SuBee and @mel, among others...
Anyway, better late than never?
Sung to “Friend Like Me”
Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But Wreckies you in luck ‘cause up her sleeves
Jen’s got a bunch of cakey Easter Fails!
You’ve got some power in your tiny egg
Flotsam faces help your bunnies vamp
A yellow chick who’s making winged jazz hands
And carrots in the non-cruciferous camp!
And I’ll say
It’s not an egg, I’m sure
It’s old pepperoni
Can’t they make it oval?
Not a mound
Rabbit car fails dimensionally
No no no
Electro eggy jaunt
It’s Buh-THEAD, can’t you see?
Let’s squash chicks shorter
Make ’em round
Buy a couple dozen, maybe three…
@SaraCVT: I think that's a capital "I" in itty...
I showed the video to my mom, and our conversation went like this:
Her: "Oh, those poor animals!"
Me: "Mom, they're not animals, they're cartoons."
Her: [sadface]
Me: "Well, if it helps any, all the zebras lived."
Her: "Oh? Well that's good then."
Thank you. I now have a new expletive to utter under my breath in my daily shaking of the head at what rude, self-involved, moronic idiots people are - " Holy carrots on a cross!" Uh, hmmm....rather pessimistic no? Sorry! Been a long work week in my retail world! Thanks for the much needed laugh!
@Holly: To be perfectly honest, I had completely forgotten about the Disney quote and was merely repeating a fairly common joke of my family. Your post made me think, "Oh--yeah! What a missed opportunity!" But we said it long before Disney did.
@Holly, @DeeNC, @Sharyn, and @Ali: your remarks gave me pause of the "Huh. That COULD be the case." variety. So I went back and examined it, and capital I's and lower-case are in fact identical. No way to tell until and unless Jen, the writer of the piece, weighs in. Which so far she has not done. But since I called her the Fabuloso Empress Queen Forever and Always of All Things Disney (which she is), we oughta give the benefit of the doubt. After all, we ain't never gonna find a friend like her. (And I've heard her trunk space is second to none!)
Carrots on the cross makes perfect sense! Don't you people watch VeggieTales?
@Heather: Thank you for your kind comment. And yes, there probably is some scriptural explanations for the unholy splatters....hey..wait...that could be the name of a metal rock band: Unholy Splatters....
@Sharyn: you are too kind...thank you.(And consistently tooooooooooo funny, too!)
I Love you page! All the beautiful cakes and the wrecks are awesome, but the commentary puts it over the top! You are hilarious!!
I've got another take on the cross cake with the carrots: Jesus tie-dyed for your sins.... Too much? :)
@Subee: Your song made me laugh out loud. The first verse is my favorite. Something about "Clap along if you feel like you are crammed into an egg" made me giggle.
@Jen: Cruciferous vegetables...ah, nerd-tastic puns....
Oh man I can't catch my breath. I think the wreckerators are trying to kill me with laughter lol. Oh my. Just can't look at the carrots on that cross without laughing.
I know! The wreckerator of the splatter cake got Easter mixed up with a different Bible story--Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.
#1 It's a jagovasaur!
#2 Someone should tell this baker that Baby Huey is a duck, not a chick, and wears diapers.
#6 Oh, the irony! After all the failed attempts in December, they finally managed to make a CCC that looks like a Christmas tree; too bad it was supposed to be an Easter egg.
#9 I propose we petition Wilton to stop making heart shaped pans; nothing good ever comes from bakers using them.
#10 I agree with Jen, and for the same reason. Thanks for adding the video, btw, hadn't seen that one in a while. My favorite is the croc surprising the zebras.
Forget the cakes - zebra-tipping!
Consider a spherical
cowwildebeest...(I'm actually surprised that there are no spherical cow videos - it's a very old physics joke).
Best.Post.Ever. best.comments.of.all.time.
cruciferous carrots and round alligators. I think you actually cured my migraine with all the hilarity. Also, I love the Veggie Tales comment, since I am Laura Carrot. I have the Fourth grade photo to prove it.
The chicks in the last cake remind me of Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.