Get Used To (More) Disappointment
April 5, 2013 What's that? You want more "Missed Marks" wrecks?
AS YOU WISH.
First up, Randee C. ordered this simple zebra-stripe cake from her local bakery:
;)
... and ended up with something only a finger-painting preschooler could love:
;)
Zebras of unusual stripes?
I don't think they exist.
Next, Tahneea made two notable discoveries: first, this gorgeous cake:
;)
There's a shortage of perfect ruffles in the world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours.
And second, a use for leftover coffee filters!
"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six hundred coffee filters on hand?"
"Do you always begin conversations this way?"
"YUP."
And finally, Mel D. ordered this beauty for her wedding:
;)
She tells me her baker showed her an impressive portfolio of gorgeous cakes, which made the final reveal on her big day that much more, well, you know ...
;)
And ... EMBIGGIFY!
;)
On the plus side, that silver glitter really clumps together nicely.
Bye bye, brides! Have fun ordering your cakes!
("Think they'll be wrecks?"
"If not, it'll be a miracle.")
BYEEE!
Reader Comments (97)
You keep ordering these cakes. I do not think they'll be what you think they'll be.
I am just nigh speechless. The baker with the good portfolio must've been having a really bad day. Or just lost her glasses. And, y'know, her talent.
Gah! That close up!
My father was killed by a six petaled flower so I have dedicated my life to studying herbicides so that when I come across that six petaled flower I can say...
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.
"You keep baking these cakes. I do not think they look how you think they look."
Maybe a little chocolate coating will make them go down easier.
(a cloaked figure in a wheelbarrow appears) I am the Dread Baker Roberts and I am here for your soooouuuullls!
Deposit. Sorry. I'm here for the deposit for your wedding cake. Why are you running?
wow.. those cakes are really TO THE PAIN!!!
I'm wondering if the baker with the good portfolio overbooked, and hired a relative to help her out. One with no sense of how to work with fondant.
Or maybe all of the good portfolio cakes were buttercream, and she figured, "Fondant? How hard can it be?"
A true wreck is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT, mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean...
Ahhh, a full post in Princess-Bride speak. All is right with the world again. (Except for North Korea - I'm off to the Bunker with $1k in small bills, plenty of MREs, and lots of kitty supplies for Theardare. Bye! :-)
I wuv all your Pwincess Bwide wefwences!! Yoh humoh is wot bwings us togevah today.
"That bride, she can fuss."
"Fuss... fuss... I think she likes to scream at us."
Incontheivable!!!!
Mawwiage! Mawwiage is what bwings us togetha today....Thanks for the Princess Bride post! My Friday is perfect!
that last baker should be out of business by now
Is it me, or do the silver stripes on that last cake look like duct tape?
Gahhhh D:
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never to get involved in a political discussion with your in-laws. And only slightly less well known is this: never order a fondant covered cake from an average baker when good taste is on the line.
I'm just so glad that not even these cakes can separate true love...
Jen, you never cease to amaze me with your amazing commentary. The Princess Bride quotes made my day. :)
I think these just took a year off my life.
These bakers really need to re-examine their capabilities before saying, "As you wish..."
Lemme esplain... No, is too much. Lemme sum up: these bakers are horrible.
Brides: Did you get a refund? Because I know that wedding cakes aren't cheap, and looking at these makes me want to cry.
I'm thinking that portfolio she was looking at had a LOT of other artist's watermarks on the pictures if they bothered to look closely. A Pininterest Portfolio. Let's hope Twoo Wuv will get them past the awful cake.
"Never go in against a Blogger when CAKE is on the line!"
Must steal Embiggify tool from Jen and hide it. No pound it into tiny bits then hide the bits. AAAAAAAARRRGH!!!
Glad you mentioned it was silver glitter on the last wreck... Here I was thinking it was cigarette ash.
Cake 2: Is it even edible?
Cake 3: Couldn't even stack the layers and frost them smoothly and correctly. Without the decorations, this would have looked like one of MY cakes.
And with the decorations: *headdesk* *sobbing*
@Fluffy Cow: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That makes my day! Thanks, everyone, for the Princess Bride references!
"No more wrecks; I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
These cakes are really bad, I mean it.
Anybody want a peanut?
"The Princess Bride": Truly, appropriate for ANY occasion.
HHHHHYALLO!!! My name is Indeegnant Bridezeela. You keeled my order.
PREPARE TO DIE.
TLC: I think the problem (okay, one of the many problems) with the third cake isn't that the layers were stacked incorrectly; it's that the cake layers are sandwiching incredible (inedible) amounts of frosting, which is squooshing out under the weight of the layers above. It looks to me like the cakes themselves aren't level, and the baker is trying to compensate for it with gobs-o-frosting. Also, either the frosting is too soft, or it was applied while the cakes were still warm, or the cake has been stored in a very warm environment. Maybe a Fire Swamp.
My twu wuv is this blog and the family of commenters. You rock my world. Carry on.
Just want to say thanks for all in the comments who kept the P.B. references running, especially Sharon! Eveyone, especially Jen is funny, funny, funny.
Now I'm off to work- in the fire swamps.
So, what WAS the point of the duct tape stripes? There isn't anything like that on the original.
WV: Travesty- would you like that cup of hot mess with cream or lemon?
There is nothing better than Friday, unless it's Friday with Princess Bride references!
Weckage. Weckage is wat bwings us togeva, today. Weckage, dat wetched awwaingment, dat destwoyed dweam within thwee inches of buttacweam.
It can't be duct tape. Duct tape is much thinner and more delicate-looking.
Customer: "You can do this?" *holds up picture*
Baker: "Yes."
Big Reveal!
Customer: "I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was...bluffing."
The silver stripes are Screaming Eel Skin.
PS: Silver glitter? I thought it was pepper. That's one point in the wreckerator's favor, I guess.
My, isn't it crowded in here with all the Andreas? Thinking of changing my name...perhaps Pwincess Buwercwup, in keeping with today's theme? " Pwincess Buwercwup, Andrea's Jape" or just PBandJ for short.
This post makes my WHOOOOOLE week. Nothing makes me smile like Princess Bride Quotes, and reading through the comments was equally entertaining. Wish I could add some witty quote myself, but afraid my brain is mush after this crazy week. Thanks all for making it better.
I agree with another poster who said that the final baker must not have been showing the customer pictures of her own work. Unfortunately there are far too many aspiring "bakers" who *think* they can make a cake, and steal images from those who actually can. Piracy and deception.
In all of history, there have been three cakes worse than any others. This wreck beat them all!
You're the baker who made that wreck all those years ago? It’s simply incredible. Have you been baking your whole life only to make -that-? I think that’s the worst cake I've ever seen. How...marvelous.
<3 <3 <3 to all the Princess Brideness in the post from Jen -- and particularly to all the commentators who picked up on it and continued it into the comments!
Cake #1 - Aww, you gotta admit that, at least, the baker tried. Emphasis on "tried";
Cake #2 - Now, come on! In my opinion, it is not really that bad, only not quite like the intended cake. I'd rather be okay with it... UNLESS, of course, those were really coffee filters (or handkerchiefs), in which case I'd have an use for them, best left to your imagination, people;
Cake #3 - Do bride cake bakers try to make their orders by memory? Again, emphasis on "try".
A Princess Bride post and not a single complete Humperdink.
I am sadly disappointed...........
Methinks the baker showed a portfolio that wasn't their cakes.
That last cake also looked structurally unstable, the layers didn't line up right! I'm not a professional baker by any means, but I know the sides aren't supposed to be lumpy!
HAHA! Love the PB quotes! But those bakers, they should be strung up and hung from the yardarm. I bet the brides would be out for blood after those fiascos. Honestly, I could make a better cake, and I don't bake! And if you can't do fondant... DON'T USE IT! I think the bride would prefer a simpler, better made cake!
But baker, have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
"I think I know why you cause me so much trouble......"