Texas Cowboy Poetry
February 22, 2013 You guys, this weekend is the 27th annual Texas Cowboy Poetry Gathering!
Naturally, I had to get in on this action.
[adjusting beret]
Ahem.
Hat, Spur, Cactus,
Star, Shoe, Cactus
;)
My boot is too long in the toe
Ow
Bunions
[fade out]
******
If you ever see a shoot-out one day
Though terribly brave
It's best not to wave
;)
Something I learned the hard way.
*******
Let go, Rodeo.
;)
With your ghostly black-eyed heads floating down
;)
With your taffy-bodied squashed creepy clown
;)
Let go, rodeo.
;)
LET GO.
******
Texas is a state full of dairies
And Texans sure love Ben & Jerry's
But you know what else sells?
Edible shot gun shells
;)
Especially when mixed with strawberries.
[UPDATE: I'm sorry, guys. I just couldn't find a way to make "Blue Bell" rhyme with "strawberries." ;)]
*******
The best kind of horse
Is the one freely given
That wasn't half off
;)
******
As a cowboy I was born in the saddle
And walking was the real battle
I prefer riding, of course
But there's something wrong with my horse...
;)
So I guess I'll just have to waddle.
[jazz hands!!]
Thanks to Amy, Brittany C., Nick G., Rebecca S., Anony M., Kaitlin K., Jennifer F., Kara H., & Gina T. for not giving me a hard time about rhyming "waddle" with "saddle." UNLIKE SOME HUSBANDS.
Reader Comments (89)
The poor horse with his head falling off! snort, giggle, laugh... The "waving Texan" who suffered the unfortunate amputation --- that's awful. As for the horse's behind cake, I know quite a few people I'd give that to and make sure they know that it's a cake representation of themselves. Yeah, I think I want to make one of those this weekend....bring it to work on Monday....
I was especially moved by Let Go Rodeo! Really gets me where I live!
"But there's something wrong with my horse..."
GAAAAHHH! That one creeped up on me out of nowhere. It's like somebody took an "almost done" shot of the infamous Godfather scene, this time showing the grizzly prep work.
In Wreck #4, I saw it as a raisin-studded whole chicken on a rotisserie. It's so pale because it's as yet uncooked, because instead of a fire, there's just a cactus beneath it.
Or, in poetry terms:
Behold! Raw chicken yearns for home on the free range.
Deer and antelope mock unseen.
Cactus seeks flame.
Rotisserie.
Awww yeah. CLOWNS RUN OVER BY STEAM ROLLERS! YEAH! YEAH! *Has been watching too much Star Trek+Doctor Who+Hetalia+Other Stuff*
Sung to "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys"
Bakers, don't let your baking annoy all the cowboys
Their bunions are bad, somethings wrong with their hands
Aren't ugly boots and dead cow heads too much?
Bakers, creepy squashed clowns aren't the ones that work rodeos
Leave off shotgun shells and the horse part that smells
Don't kill the horse that they love.
Bakers, don't let your baking annoy all the cowboys...
oh Jen, you're so brilliant, except, Texans don't eat Ben and Jerry's, we eat Blue Bell.
Cowboy! My Cowboy! Our fearful wreck is done,
These cakes present a western mess, I’ll mock them now for fun.
The boot is long, but not so wrong, ‘cause you know what it’s showing:
Big boots-big feet-that’s what they say, while spurs and stars are glowing
But O clowns! Clowns!! Clowns!!!
O what are they doing here,
In this dusty western town.
I think I need a beer.
The clowns do not answer, they lie there squished and still.
The cowboys do not answer me. Don’t think they ever will.
They’re slogging through the grave yard. Their Uggs have tales to tell.
They warned you not to eat those berries laced with shotgun shells.
Praise these wrecks, then grab your horse.
Drag him if he won’t go.
But leave a thoughtful warning.
Let Go Rodeo!
I refuse to apologize to Walt Whitman. He knows why. Let's leave it at that.
Hilarious! Thanks for starting out the day in a funny way, Jen.
Exactly what I was thinking, Krista! Of course, that wouldn't have rhymed so nicely with "dairies."
Did anyone else see at least two cakes with...ahem...unintentional themes?
'' Home,Home of the Deranged.......''
If a Texan cowboy writes poetry for the queen, is he the Poet Lariat?
Why are there piped designs on the chocolate strawberries? And only SOME of the strawberries?
Please tell me the horse's tail cake wasn't intended to be a commentary that the recipient is a horse's ***.
Love the waddle line. And tell John the picture is enough to make people forget what waddle was supposed to rhyme. :)
No offense, Jen, but I'm with John on this one.
On a side note, "Hook 'em Horns! Even if you're missing a thumb!"
Anyone else thinking "Come on growlbacks, we're not dead! At least try to beat the spread! Yaaayyy!"
http://www.homestarrunner.com/4gregs.html
The strawberries with shotgun shells also appear to have a bunch of .22 rounds strewn in there as well. What the ?????????????????
It took me a min to realize the strawberry monstrosity was in the shape of Texas since it's BACKWARDS!
By the way, did you know today is Go Texan day in Houston? Our rodeo cook off started yesterday.
The theme for today's entries brought back memories of our library staff's literary efforts published in a little book entitled Cow Hide-ku. So many gems ignored by the world at large.
Shotgun shells and strawberries! So yucky looking. And I've led such a sheltered life that I thought the shells were little tubes of Chapstix stuck in vomit.
What in the Sam Hill?
Looks like there's bin some trauma
To them poor horses...
Bahahahahhaha
I need to reemphasize Krista's comment. Blue Bell is the ice cream of preference. Next time you book tour (or regular tour) through here, we'll make sure you get some.
I was going to write a new poem to accompany that picture, but then I notced that the strawberries were piped with the Texas Tech logo. UGH!
GIG 'EM, AGGIES!
(Also, thank you for showing some Texas love ~hugs~)
@ Muria-
Those piped designs on the strawberries are the Texas Tech University's symbol.
http://www.ttu.edu/
Just when I think, "How is Jen going to top ______?" You do! Cakewrecks is STILL my favourite blog since you started it! :-) Hali
P.S. 2014 calendar, please???
I think that if you read that last one in a British accent, you're rhyming troubles are over. Yes?
OK, the "waddle/saddle" thing is obvious, but is it Florida or Texas where "berry" and "Jerry" rhyme with "dairy?"
Wisconsin, maybe?
The 4th cake is obviously a depiction of the famous Jelly Fish Rodeo. Yep, we're wrangling up them white and green jellies by the old, er, shipwreck (have no idea what that brown thing is).
Nothing says Texas like fruit decorated with telephone poles (Witchita Falls Lineman, perhaps) and shotgun shells.
*snapping fingers and drinking coffee*
Cakewrecks did Rodeo before Rodeo was cool.
Aaaaww, Jenna & Kristi beat me to it!!! Yep, it is Go Texan day in Houston. The trail riders are comin', the chili is cookin', the broncs are buckin', and the carnival rides will light up the skies come nighttime. YEEEE-HAW!!!
And be sure to get those ride tickets @ half-price cuz Lord knows they charge an arm, a leg, and then some!!!
@Sharyn & SuBee, brillant & perfect for today!
@The Former CB - cute, reaally cute...
@Caroline B - good one! :-)
I just sent an email titled "Cowboy cake poetry." Hope the recipients don't mistake it for spam.
Aww Jenn so good but i have to say, Texans don't eat Ben and Jerry's, were all Blue Bell. I don't even LIVE in Texas anymore and I still want my Blue Bell Ice Cream
The hand is the 'Hook 'em Horns' for the University of Texas (without a thumb?). And the strawberries have the Texas Tech logo on them (and the photo has been flipped ? because Texas is backwards). HaHa (in a Simpsons tone of voice) Texas is backwards!
CHocolate piped strawberries? With shotgun shells? In some random shape I do not recognize? WTF??
@DB amd SuBee: Excellent poetry -- I think there should be some sort of literature degree awarded if you can prove you've read a certain number of Cake Wrecks comments. Our comments are SO much more erudite than most...
@Jodee in WA: Just read yesterday's comments. Is your daughter OK?
How can we have such a poetic post without a comment from Haiku Joy?
Excellent post!
I think it is truly inspired that you rhymed dairy, Ben & Jerry's and strawberries!
Waddle and saddle do rhyme - it is an eye rhyme. (See http://www.public.asu.edu/~aarios/formsofverse/furtherreading/page2.html#top1 for details).
Now off to the bunker with me...
One can only hope that the shotgun shells are, actually, edible, or, at the very least, not live....
The eighth cake is obviously a reference to the horse meat scandal at present (allegedly) raging through the UK...actually it isn't as we are just too apathetic, but we are pretty ticked off!! After all, we are paying for beef in out lasagne and we are getting horse- which is half the price, so it just is not cricket, you know...
@Jodee in WA - I'm with Sharyn!!! I hope your daughter is OK & back home now. Thanks for giving me a huge dose of perspective. I was worried about what we'll do if hubby loses his job or has to take a pay cut. (Rumors are *flying* here.) Now, not so much... (Again, hoping & praying that all is well now in your neck of the woods...)
I guess all the ammo blew the state of Texas backwards!!! i hang my head in shame as a Texan
Well, considering thumbs are, um, potential victims if someone isn't careful while dallying a rope to the saddle, there may be something more "intentional" to the thumbless Texan hook 'em horns after all...
I usually enjoy your posts, but I am very frustrated that you're making fun of something that you clearly know nothing about, and for which the quality is generally quite good.
Stereotyping cowboys as stupid is not more okay than doing the same to any other group of people. Professional cowboys work HARD to get your fancy organic beef into stores, so that you can continue to prance around city X and talk about how much better you are without being hungry.
[Editor's note- Hi K. I'm a bit surprised by your comment because while the poetry is simple, we never make fun of cowboys or imply they're stupid. They're just silly rhymes about cowboy things. I'm sorry you didn't find the post funny. Have a great weekend. -john]
How wonderfully appropriate for today is Go Texan Day in Houston, the start of 3 weeks of rodeo fun!
Having just read yesterday's updated comments, I posted there as well: I pray and trust all is well, @Jodee in WA.
'Extended' boots are / were a 'thing' in the Southwest. From what I can gather, it is somewhat cyclical. Apparently, the boots keep getting longer until someone says, "What in the world am I doing?!" (or words to that effect) then the fashion goes back to normal, then they start getting bored with normal, and so it goes. You'd think cowboys would have more to occupy their time, but to each his own, I suppose.
Does someone want to explain reversed Texas in strawberries and ammo? I mean, theories are all well and good, but the back story on this probably qualifies for some sort of
helpprize.@Sharyn - why, thank you! I have drawn much inspiration from Jen, John, you, Haiku Joy, SuBee, KarateLady, Craig, mel, BarbaraAnne, and others. Maybe we should be conferring degrees in Wreckology or Wreckography? Wreckerature?
@R3Test - I can attest to the fact that Jerry's, berries, and dairies all rhyme in Georgia, Tennessee, and Alabama. Other options are fairies, aeries, parries, and Tipperaries.
@Jode in WA - hope all is better now or at least headed that way!
@ Muria – The strawberry “cake”. Guessing it’s a grooms cake for a Texas Tex grad. Because the design on some of the strawberries sort of looks like their double “T”.
My question is why is the state of Texas reversed? Did someone mess with the photo before it was posted? Because the panhandle is on the left, not the right.
Kirri is so right, that eighth cake is just MADE for the ongoing UK "horsemeat in supermarket meals" scandal. It would make a wonderful subject for a Cake Wrecks promotional caption competition on this side of the pond...
Thumb must have gotten blown off by an OU fan. Speaking of Oklahoma and backwards things in general, ever read "Tulsa" backwards?
I have often said I don't give a horse's patootie (or words to that effect), but I guess someone did!
The thing rightfully hanging it's head in shame looks more like a horse than a cow. I'm from Texas and I have seen many of both types of animal from a variety of angles (don't ask!)
We can deal with most of your controversial jokes, Jen, but you clearly had no idea how loyal Texans are to our Blue Bell. Don't mess with Texas ice cream. Not even for a rhyme.
That's true about the Blue Bell. Blue Bell ice cream and Dr. Pepper - that makes a Texan.