Texas Cowboy Poetry
February 22, 2013 You guys, this weekend is the 27th annual Texas Cowboy Poetry Gathering!
Naturally, I had to get in on this action.
[adjusting beret]
Ahem.
Hat, Spur, Cactus,
Star, Shoe, Cactus
;)
My boot is too long in the toe
Ow
Bunions
[fade out]
******
If you ever see a shoot-out one day
Though terribly brave
It's best not to wave
;)
Something I learned the hard way.
*******
Let go, Rodeo.
;)
With your ghostly black-eyed heads floating down
;)
With your taffy-bodied squashed creepy clown
;)
Let go, rodeo.
;)
LET GO.
******
Texas is a state full of dairies
And Texans sure love Ben & Jerry's
But you know what else sells?
Edible shot gun shells
;)
Especially when mixed with strawberries.
[UPDATE: I'm sorry, guys. I just couldn't find a way to make "Blue Bell" rhyme with "strawberries." ;)]
*******
The best kind of horse
Is the one freely given
That wasn't half off
;)
******
As a cowboy I was born in the saddle
And walking was the real battle
I prefer riding, of course
But there's something wrong with my horse...
;)
So I guess I'll just have to waddle.
[jazz hands!!]
Thanks to Amy, Brittany C., Nick G., Rebecca S., Anony M., Kaitlin K., Jennifer F., Kara H., & Gina T. for not giving me a hard time about rhyming "waddle" with "saddle." UNLIKE SOME HUSBANDS.
Reader Comments (89)
The nearly decapitated horse appears to have turkey legs. I had a horse once, and the legs, they don't look like that! Maybe it's some random creature from Harry Potter or the like, the Vicious Chicken of Bristol perhaps?
I thought I would share/inflict the nightmare flashback/earworm that the excellent cowboy poetry has caused me! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRoud5BR85
Laughed out loud at taffy bodied, squashed, creepy clown!
The Texan's love for Blue Bell is so intense, my step-brother who has moved away, took a dry ice cooler on the plane with him when he visited the folks in Dallas, so he could transport about 8 cartons back home with him.
I totally got waddle and saddle to rhyme in my head. Of course, I sang it with a British accent when I did. Me thinks I've been watching too much BBC America these days. Oh but I do love me some Doctor Who and Graham Norton though.
I am officially a "Wreckporter"! Finger snaps for today's poems. Not to ruffle any feathers, but I am a Texan who prefers Ben & Jerry's. Now, let go rodeo!
hahahha...I think I just hacked up a hairball.
Don't worry about the rhyming...seriously, I mean, the poor thing speaks for itself, you know? :D
brown Ugg boots? thats not waht I was thinking when I saw that one...
K, as a proud Texan and San Antonian, I must say that there was nothing offensive or derogatory about this post! Let go, Rodeo!
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you!
Thanks guys. My daughter is home now. It was a rough 4 days for sure. She was better enough for them to send her home but it's been a difficult couple of days. Official dx was Acute Pyelonephritis (very serious kidney infection). Now we're just keeping an eye on kidney function to make sure the damage isn't to severe. Continued prayers and well wishes would be greatly appreciated!
I missed you guys!!!
Craig, those are called "roachkiller" boots by some, because the toe is so pointed that you can kill a roach that's hiding waaaayyy back in the corner. They are most popular down in the Valley and in parts of Mexico (Durango State, I think? It's been a while). They predate the shoes worn by the Russian mafia and the Leningrad Cowboys by several decades. They always make me think of the shoes in medieval paintings.
Oh, K. Why must you tempt me?
Oh, K, get it? like OK? No? Okay...
Now I am very curious - in what states do berries, dairies and Jerry's NOT rhyme? They rhyme in Utah and California.
Is anyone else ready to declare a Epcot on the Blue Bell thing? I'm headed for the bunker.
Love it, great work as ever :-) I didn't know that the strawberry catastrophe was meant to be anything at all til I read the comments. It just looks like a heap of badly dipped fruit...
As a Brit, I have to say that if you made waddle and saddle rhyme when singing in a British accent, you need to work on your British accent :-p (we have loads of different accents btw) ;-)
Waddle sounds like woddle. Saddle, as you Americans say it, with the a pronounced as a lower case letter.
As you were. With love from across the pond...
So proud to be a Texan and a Cake Wrecks fan today! Love to all!
Jodee, hope your girl is doing well! Lots of hugs from me.
DB you came into your own a long time ago! :D Always a pleasure to read your work.
Ah, SuBee, thank you for saving me from rolling the troll! ;)
I have to say, I couldn't find anything that would be offensive to cowboys or Texans. As usual, it's only offensive to bad cake decorators. One might suspect Jen to be an anti-wreckite, but never an anti-cowboyite or anti-Texite.
SueBe, thanks for cowboy-Ing up one of my favorite poems!! :)
I've lived in Texas all my life (except for 4 yrs in LA in the 80s). I prefer Ben & Jerry's over Blue Bell. Don't tell my rellies, tho' - they live in Brenham!
Well I like some others here are hoping that horses tail cake wasn't meant as an insult lol. Though some people probably would deserve that. But I feel horrible for the poor horse that lost its head. Wow. I wonder how the customer liked seeing that one..
@Jodee in WA -- Get well soon, Jodee's daughter! Take care, both of you -- and the rest of the family. Sending well wishes your way.
Rooting for you and your young'un, Jodee.
One word: Brilliant!
Love your poetry, Jen! Have a great Saturday!
Did anyone else notice ... the horseshoes on the "backside of the horse" cake are on backwards? If they were correct, then they would be open at the back/top, not the closed circular end. DOUBLE WRECK!
As a native Texan, you really should have started off the post with "y'all" instead of "you guys"- just sayin'... Otherwise, I love the "something's wrong with my horse," lmao!
Oh, and Blue Bell, Dr. Pepper, and Hook 'em Horns!
The Chocolate Covered Strawberries w/ shotgun shells.... it's backwards!!!
@StevesGal Thank you so much for noticing the mutant horse hooves! I wondered how I could get through a page and a half of comments without at least one observation turning up.
I'd like to propose a toast, with floats made from Blue Bell and Dr. Pepper. Use any kind of bread you like for the toast.
I'd like to note for the record that Texas is reversed in #7 and the hooves are reversed on the penultimate one, in addition to the legs being somewhat...truncated.
Simple rhyme fix: replace: "and Texans sure love Ben and Jerry's" with "and Blue Bell sure beats Ben and Jerry's." All the Texans will be happy.
I've been following this blog for several years now. Having done so, I didn't actually see boots on Cake #3 or a squished clown on #5 at first. I saw...something else.
And it's ALL YOUR FAULT.
I especially liked two things:
1. You know that Blue Bell is the best ice cream in the country (at least in Texas) and
2. Not only that - the particular Texas with the rhyme... is backwards on top of ugly. Not only the shot gun shells but the poorly written "Texas Tech" logo that looks like antennas.
Looking at the 3rd wreck, a pair of boots was not the first thing I saw.....
Are you sure those are edible shotgun shells and bullets? They look very real to me! Strawberries and bullets that's romance!
The only thing worse than baby butt cakes: horse butt cakes! O.o
That poor horse at the end! Did someone at least shoot it?
*Tsk-tsk* Now, yew looky heeah, Miss Jen. Yew g'wan an' take that-thar baRAY off yer hayid, rat nayow! D'yew wanna look lack a gawl-dang toorist?
=^0.o^=