Wreck A "Bye," Baby
January 25, 2012 You know, there's nothing quite like a goodbye cake for that really emotional farewell:
;)
Because "this cake isn't going to pay for itself" wouldn't fit.
If you're one to keep your feelings bottled up, you can always rely on a tried and true saying to do the emoting for you:
;)
A missing apostrophe, an unnecessary comma, a snarky sentiment... this is what Cake Wrecks is all about, folks.
Sometimes a playful insult can help soften the blow of a friend leaving town:
;)
Because there's nothing like a good punch to the ol' funny bone to cut through those pesky tears.
For your friends moving down under, there's always the short and sweet route:
;)
So sweet. Like a lemon. Like a misspelled lemon. Like the face you make when you get lemon juice squirted in your eye. Which is coincidentally like the face I'm making right now.
Of course, the sweet can turn sour when an aspiring artist joins in:
;)
I'd like to flick off those quotation marks used to indicate "waving."
Although, actually, it kind of works. Like even the wreckorator knew that hand was a joke.
Seeing off your oldest friend becomes a whole lot easier when you invite Tom Foolery to the party:
;)
Because confusion is the best distraction from actual emotion. Who is dancing? Are there two princes or just one princess? What's a goad? Does Micheal really spell his name that way? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
Still, regardless of your wording, remember to keep the attitude positive by finding something genuinely nice to say:
;)
Hey, that could have ben a lot crappier.
Buh bye, Lynne R., buh bye, Stephanie F., buh bye, Tisiphone, BUH BYE, Corie, buh bye, Kary N., buh bye, Mollie R., & buuuuh BYE, Casey S.
Reader Comments (58)
$32.32 for THAT, seriously?
What does that last one even say?
So what is Turd actually supposed to say? I keep looking at the letters and cannot, for the life of me, figure out what it was meant to spell. Unless the guy's name actually is Turd, in which case that's a very unfortunate name.
Is the cake for Turd Ferguson?
And, of course, that flag is a wreck because it's wrong for both Australia AND New Zealand! (Australian flags have a seven-pointed star -- one for each state and to represent the territories-- below the Union Jack; New Zealand's flag has a red outline on the Southern Cross' stars).
And some seriously snarky cakes! I think I'd cry if someone sent me off with a message like that. Even if it was a tasty joke!
To make the Australian Flag one even more wrecky, it's missing not one, but TWO stars and the Union Jack is missing all the white parts....
I think the "goad" in #6 is the pointy thing on the stick.
Underestimated:
what fulls these moretails can bee.
Refrigerator.
Is that meant to be an Australian flag, or a New Zealand flag? Because it is like a hybrid of both.
Did you just end with a reference to Total Bastard Airlines?
http://www.hulu.com/watch/291277/saturday-night-live-total-bastard-airlines
perfect!! b/c i just got layed off...i'm just happy they didn't give me any of these cakes :)
"A missing apostrophe, an unnecessary comma"
Hardly! The apostrophe was so ashamed to be on such a wreck, it was trying to run away and got stuck in the poo-frosting and now is seen as a comma. Making the poo covered cake a further wrecktastophe.
For some reason the missing closing quotes makes me feel really lost, like a line of code without an end. Is it an infinite loop?
ROFL Ohmigutniss, the whole panoply of wreck and your dependably spot-on commentary is particularly delectable today. The errant comma, introducing a bad school pageant stammer by *tilts head* Witch? Broom Wizard? #2, provoked a belly giggle. Delightful.
I think the bottom one is supposed to say "It's been fun turd. Best Wishes." Such kind, loving sentiments. Bwahahahahahaha!
Last cake's recipient is Ben Fun Turd. Or possibly Ben Fun Turd Best Wishes.
So did you ever discover the mystery of the Egg Men/Mermen/Polar Bear Plunge Dudes/Whatever The Hell They Were?
Is that hand "waving" or offering a "gesture" of sorts to the honoree. Any occassion is an occassion for cake!
What are the figures on the second cake? Also I agree with the confusion on the sixth, what is a Rid dance or is that a Goad Rid dance? Is it like a reel or is it some newfangled dance? If the crown had "Two Princes" we could at least have some 90s nostalgia.
Doesn't anyone else have happy childhood memories of that cartoon that explained how cow waste becomes fertilizer? They'd always start with a catchy jingle and then the announcer would say "Who's the richest guy around? Who adds goodness to the ground? It's Ben Fun Turd!!!!" And then they'd show Ben on his next fun adventure?
Anyone?
Damn, my shrink's been planting false memories again...
(If I had to guess, I'd bet it was supposed to say "It's been fun, Fred. Best Wishes!)
I love a web site that criticizes bad punctuation, i.e. cake #2.
You guys rock, as always!!!
Well at least they're pretty cakes to say goodbye to somebody with. The icing is nice and smooth.
A goad is
1. A long stick with a pointed end used for prodding animals.
2. An agent or means of prodding or urging; a stimulus.
tr.v. goad·ed, goad·ing, goads
To prod or urge with or as if with a long pointed stick.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/goad
This is the first day on cake wrecks I can remember when ALL the cakes looked like they were made of concrete.
If you want me, I'll be over here, doing my Rid Dance.
Today was an excellent reminder of why I should try to drink anything whilst reading this blog. I nearly choked to death on the questions after Goad Wishes to the Princes.
Ironically, Ben Fun is a total buzz kill.
Attention: We have DOCCon 1. Repeat, DOCCon 1. Set your icing bags to 'kill'. Don't cross the streams, whatever you do. Continue on until you find a bridge.
#4 Good thing Aussies and Kiwis aren't as sensitive as people from certain other countries (yes, I'm talking about you, America).
#5 As if this wasn't already bad enough, it's a CCC. I like how they helpfully included a sign with the recipient's name on it, as if there were several of these made at once (which is entirely possible in today's job climate). Though that does constitute a tacit admission of inscription unreadability.
#6 I wish they could have told Micheal how they really feel.
#7 As ye sow, so also shall ye reap. Is that the end of a stick of butter in the upper right?
Is it ok if this whole 'goodbye' theme is a little unsettling after the Great Scare of January 17, 2012?
The Rid Dance. This is the energetic little jig that I do which involves hopping from one foot to the other whilst furiously shaking my hands in an attempt to "rid" myself of some of the horrific images encountered on Cake Wrecks, such as the blue baby or the marzipan pig. In extreme situations the Rid Dance may be accompanied by moaning and wailing.
Forget about the rainbow "balloons", the MIA apostrophe, the comma...all of it!
WHAT is that, uh, fireman (?) with the red spear DOING to that poor monkey in the Jason mask?!?
(Okay, fine. YOU tell ME what they are then!)
So what plastic flotsam figures are those on the second cake? Prancing horses? Knights? Is the one chasing the other out the door? What do they have to do with balloons attached to extremely well-curled curling ribbon?
I see the waving hand cake is actually a dreaded cupcake cake (ptooie), but for once they actually didn't try to use the cupcakes to create some sort of artistic shape. Just lay on that thick layer of frosting to hold them all together in a regular "cake shape"...
I think the next cake is to celebrate that Micheal did such a good rid dance at the princes' recital.
I hope Ben Fun's last name really isn't Turd!
Ahhh, the Goad Rid Dance. Yes, I recall from my ancient history class that the princes of Goad would hold an annual Rid Dance. The purpose of which is still debated amongst scholars today. Some believe it was a religious ceremony wherein the gods were asked for continued prosperity for the Goads. Others believe it was a show of wealth and power to the neighboring kingdoms. There is another theory, though, that is quickly gaining popularity. Professor C. W. Recks has unearthed an ancient scroll that has lead him to believe the Annual Goad Rid Dance was merely a gathering of knowlegable consumers for the sole purpose of ridiculing the poor craftsmanship of the local artisans.
I believe that Micheal is a big Spin Doctors fan and likes to do his special Rid Dance to their song "Two Princes."
Which is why everyone is glad he's leaving.
That last one: "It's Ben Fum Turd" sounds like "It's been some turd" if you say it fast enough.
I actually do know two people who spell their name Micheal. I don't think that cake was for either of them, however.
My cousin-in-laws always call their Aunt Terry, "Aunt Turdy" ..... so I suppose that could be the case with the turd cake.
The balloons (or very curly tailed spermatozoa?) on the second cake are in the six colours of the gay pride flag - This may be significant, but probably not, as I'm sure it's a wrecked version of the standard seven colours of the rainbow
I can NEVER drink anything while reading the stuff on this site. Otherwise, whatever liquid I had in my mouth would end up blown all over my computer. Great fun, as always.
Micheal probably doesn't spell his name like that (although with names anything is possible). My son's name is Michael and I'm amazed at how often it's misspelled. It's a pretty common name, folks.
There's a lot of latent hostility being expressed on these cakes.
The flag is actually New Zealand's flag!
Thanks for posting the Australian/NZ cake. It hit us exactly on Australia Day (our time). Accidental maybe but the funniest Australia Day post I've seen on FB. From the land down under.
So glad that you posted this 2 days before my husband, daughter, and I relocate to England. How perfect!
Sometimes I imagine an Lolcat writing the words on these cakes. If only they had the manual dexterity to do so.
Jen, You've still got the buh bye rotation from the Jungle Cruise. So proud.
RID is a product for eliminating head-lice, so I'd rather not even contemplate a "Rid Dance"... especially if it involves cake.
>Sometimes I imagine an Lolcat writing the words on these cakes. If only they had the manual dexterity to do so.
January 25, 2012 | clipsnark
That is SUCH a great image! Thanks for that!
What the frosting ARE those things on cake #2- no, not the excited spermies but the figurines? I can’t figure those out. Enlarging the photo just made them fuzzier, too. Sadly, this will continue to bother me until a plausible explanation is posted. SMH
@Craig Set your icing bags to “kill.” LMAO Oh, I want to embroider that on something or make a t-shirt out of it!!
@ceecee I don’t think any of the hostility is latent. I think it’s out there for everyone to see. :D
Just curious, but did this particular Jen also captain the Jungle Cruise? (this line didn't make it from the copy & paste when I composed my first post)
(waves cheerfully) Hi, Number One!
All of these goodbye cakes, they are not a final post or anything? Are they?
Please no! I love this site
Being a congratulatory farm cake, that yellow square is a fondant bale of hay, and Turds should be plural: just look at the color of buttercream they're harrowing in Nice Even Lines ( credit where credit is due).
What on earth are the plastic flotsam things under the balloons? Is it Iron Man using a long stick to poke Batman? Two Ninjas with some type of weapon? I don't get it. I also don't get what is so hard about making chocolate frosting that looks like chocolate. Old puce. I can only describe that particular shade of chocolate frosting as old puce.
Don't understand, but laughing anyway. So glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. Droplets on the monitor are so annoying.
Why on earth is there a two ton block of butter on that farm on the last cake? Does it make good fertilizer?
Well if I received that first cake I would just say thanks and take off with it lol. Considering what is written on it why buy this person a cake at all? Seems they don't like the people leaving so just throw pies in their faces or something lol.