Getting Ahead
January 12, 2012 I've been feeling a bit blah this week. Call it the post-holidays slump (I miss my Christmas tree), call it the winter blues (It's SO FREAKING HOT), call it Al - whatever the reason, I'm more inclined to lie on the couch and cruise Etsy or play Mario Kart than any of my usual, marginally more productive activities.
So, as of right now I've decided to hop on the ol' treadmill desk and write something really positive for once. Something life-affirming. Something cheerful. Something to remind myself I've got nothing to complain about.
Right after I show you this:
;)
(Hint: It's NOT a guy on his hands and knees under a sheet.)
Wait for it...waaaiiit for it...
Ahh, there's the screaming.
And, whaddaya know? I feel better already!
Nope, no complaints here!
Thanks to Anony M. for sharing her winning entry in my unofficial "Worst Christmas Gift Ever" contest. You're a cut above the rest, my friend!
Reader Comments (167)
How did the coach get so lucky??
Where's the guillotine and the basket?
this is sooo wrong. <throwing eyes up>
mocking
My eyes!!! Oh the pain! ...I will never be the same. And, by the way, this is WAY worse than that pig.
It sounds like you really had to labor at writing this update. At least you came through with the delivery.
Ack! That's horrific! The concept is appalling and the execution even worse- the "baby" looks about 45 and must be about the size of a toddler (eyes water).
Just curious, interesting Freudian slip there- inspired by football, perhaps?
*Note to self: Do NOT show to pregnant sister.
I'd scream, too, if I were giving birth to a beige Yoda.
Seriously, though, that's horrible. I guess the one saving grace is that the belly is covered.
Every day, I look at CakeWrecks, and every day, my 4-year-old says, "I want that cake for my birthday!" It doesn't matter how bad they are, she says it every day.
Until today.
Today, she said, "I don't want that cake for my birthday. It's creepy."
Not normally a commenter but on this one, my line of thought went something like this...
"What? I don't get it. Okay. Figure it out. There's a head. Ugly head. There's red. Blood? Is is supposed to be a hobbit in a white sheet with a serious injury?
No, that can't be right. Why would anyone want a cake like that?
Okay....not a hobbit. Well, then....
OH MY GOSH!!!!! OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah - that was actually it.
I'm actually in charge of decorating a cake for a baby shower this weekend. You will be glad to know there will be no blood, no infant body parts, no maternal body parts, nothing that would wreak it in any way. I've learned well.
This cake is wrong on so many levels. Let's forget for a moment that the baby appears to be full grown (and what baby has such bushy eyebrows?) and that the eyes are open (SUPER CREEPY) and that there's some gratuitous nipple action going on there. This cake makes me think of a poem a friend shared with me some years ago...
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout
Monty Python put it best - "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Yes. Absolutely, totally creepy.
But... what's with the "Merry Christmas" sign?!?? Yikes.
I'm so concerned. So disturbed. Additionally, this post gives a whole new meaning to the lyric "Why am I soft in the middle now?"
Welcome to the world, Ralph Malph!
Am I the only one who sees a resemblence to Alfred E. Neuman?
And here I thought it was a cake for a gastroenterologist, showing a middle-aged dude about to get his first colonoscopy.
EWWWW.
Mm, quite realistic, the folds in the sheet especially.
I had no idea Alfred E. Neuman was a c-section baby ...
There is a grain of truth to many urban legends. For instance, that one about a genetic engineering experiment involving Yoda and Alfred E. Neuman can now be backed up with pictorial evidence.
This is the first "cake" *shudder* that literally made me gag, swear, and want to scream! So freaking wrong!! This is even worse then the placenta cake in my opinion. Why would the baby look so grown up? Why doesn't mom have a head? Where are drs? This is like a Saw movie in my head right now, and Saw movies make me literally sick and give me nightmares.
Thanks Jens and John!!
That's Bilbo hiding from the goblins, right? RIGHT?!?
WHAT IS DON KNOTTS DOING TO THAT POOR WOMAN?!
@Elspot
Peter Lorre...THANK YOU! I was trying to think who this looked at all morning. I could picture Peter Lorre but couldn't remember his name!
That's Bilbo hiding from the goblins, right? RIGHT?!?
If my baby's head were that big, I'd have a c-section, too. But I would NOT commerate it in cake. Great googley.
really? REALLY?! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww...................
Sharyn - I love your comment! Sums up my feelings exactly (I threw up a little in my mouth). I was going to try to be funny, but after reading Jen's and then your take on this, I shall just bow to the collective comedy masters on this site. (and then use some mouthwash)
Ugh. So grody. Reason #517 why I am not giving my mother grandkids. I do not want to put my body through that.
BTW - sometimes I love reading the comments here; fellow readers are totally hilarious.
That cake is truly disturbing, but on the plus side, I love the Paul Simon reference!
As a nursing student, the first think I thought of was a man's health exam. In that spirit, I'd like to share this little ditty my class came up with:
Yo man, it’s that time of the year
I said, yo man, get your a-- into gear
I said, yo man this is nothing to fear
There’s no need to be embarrassed
Yo man, go to the doctor, don’t hide
I said yo man, turn your head to the side...
It’s time to get an E-X-A-M
A prostate E-X-A-M
You can get yourself, screened, it’s just a short test, and in the end it’s for the best
ok, so am i missing it or is Mom headless?!?!?
Hahaha. Obviously the Mom must've had a scheduled C-section. That's awesome/awful.
Alfred E. Newman's birth?
Why is she giving birth to an old man?!?!?! This cake is so gross.
...were they trying to scare the woman into getting an abortion?
You can call me Val . . . ba dum dum-dum, ba dum dum-dum!
Yes, yes it is. He's just got a hunchback and nipples on his heels.
Well, okay, and an icky gash right in his sternocleidomastoid muscle.
no, this is just wrong...
Those aren't nipples their the spurs on his cowboy boots! Yeah that's it! Bwaahahaha!
Um, euw. I had two C-sections and I would NOT want a cake to commemorate the occasion. The two babies I got commemorate it enough for me.
Well it is Friday the 13th here for me.. kind of fitting really..
What happened to baby shower cakes of old, that had silly things like storks and cradles on them? Now we have live birth via c-section cakes. Just shoot me now.
Who has a middle aged man via C Section?!?!
"Merry Christmas!!! We got you....HORROR!!!!"
Dear God i think i need to call my therapist for an emergency session.... Or Im gonna have nightmares.
I'll keep my thoughts to myself for safety reasons.
Suffice it to say Christmas is officially cancelled in my house!
Even the poor kid on the cake looks a bit nonplussed with the whole situation. lol I thought he had elf ears for half a nanosecond. Then I realized what the red was. *hurk*
Oh my. C-section actually is comforting thought. I was really disturbed that the vajajay was sideways. And then I pictured myself asking someone, "which piece would you like: a boob, belly button, or the demon child head?" So. Wrong.
Why does the baby have a 5:00 shadow?????
It's as if they thought the blanket coving the sliced-tummy/body-parts made it allllll ok...
So, why is the mother decapitated?