My Youngest Wreckporter
September 23, 2008 "Now let's kick it over to our newest Wrecks correspondent Violet, who is currently on location at her sister Ruby's third birthday party. Violet?"
"Jen, I'm sitting here in witness to the worst Wreck I've seen in my admittedly young life. Take a look at the disaster area left behind by what could only be called a Disney Princess Explosion.
"As you can see, there is airbrushing, hearts, garland, blobbular "rosebuds", and green leaves growing UP the "waterfall" - not to mention the fact that you have to clear off all the toys before you can even cut the thing! And don't get me started on those three '3' candles - I may only be 10 months old, but even I know that math doesn't add up."
"Wow, Violet, isn't that kind of harsh? I mean, the colors are pretty."
"Pretty? Pretty?!? Obviously you aren't seeing the matching Princess plates, napkins, cups, giftwrap... Do you see this hat I'm wearing, Jen?"
"I think it's Tinkerbell."
"No, it's a representation of the blatant over-commercialization that is running rampant in our society, that's what it is. Would you like to hear my dissertation on the breaking down of social conventions by the media barons?"
"Oh, look at the time! Sorry Violet, but we need to wrap this up."
"No problem; time for my nap anyway. Hey, Mom! Guess who needs a fresh diaper? Eh? Hey, what is that? Oh heck no, I am NOT wearing a Princess themed diaper! No, absolutely not! You're making a mockery of my beliefs, woman! Get that away from me!"
"That was Violet, my youngest Wreckporter, folks!"
Cassie F. (aka Mom), don't worry; she'll love that hat by the time she turns 3.
Reader Comments (148)
Ok, I'm proud to say that I had that same cake (minus the heart garland) for the past two year. I'm 25. I love Disney Princess and I picked out the cake myself. I still have the princesses.
My husband thought that this was the best wreck because it was what I had for my birthday.
Lisa
My first response to a CakeWreck:
Violet is my hero!!! That has to be the cutest "Geez, wonder what they are going to stick me with for MY birthday?!?" look I've ever seen.
You go, Violet!
And I'm sure Ruby loved not only the plastic princesses (hey, my sister is one of those) but the sugar rush as well.
I've actually made that cake several times! I think the big 3 candles helped ruin it... Also, the rose buds aren't positioned correctly, and in my opinion, the cake cannot be done well on a 1/4 sheet size. It pretty much *has* to be done on a 1/2 sheet to look good, or there's just no room for writing. Many of the cake kits are that way, too much stuff in too small a space.
The cake is (according to the directions) supposed to have light airbrushing to match the three princesses, a rose to match each one, and a trio of rosebuds (one of each color) in each lower corner. The mermaid should be sitting in blue gel to look like water, with seaweed rising up the front side of the cake (yeah, I know) to encircle the water somewhat. Seems like the three icing colors also get used on the borders. This cake is a pain to make in a hurry if you have to switch out tips and icing colors due to working in a stingy bakery.
Absolutely brilliant! Love this one. It was really fun to read and WOW, what a picture. I'm sure you couldn't pass it up.
MangyCat
To whoever said that they were the original Disney princesses....what about Snow White or Cinderella? And who is that in the pink anyway? Cinderella's dress was white in the film if I remember correctly.
I remember those three princesses from when I was a child - these upstarts such as Belle and Ariel are newbies in comparison!
If you must have the six princess' go to decopac.com. There is a Princess Castle Cake that features the four on this cake and Jasmin and Snow White. Just for those that needed to know that.
Even if Snow White is one of the original Princesses, I wouldn't want her on *my* cake. Her dress isn't pretty or fluffy, she doesn't have a pretty updo OR long flowing locks, she was a total wimp in the woods terrified of TREES. Plus, she shacked up with 7guys, used them and then took off when something 'prettier' came along.
Much :lol:ing.
She does look very unhappy about it.
<"Eh? Hey, what is that? Oh heck no, I am NOT wearing a Princess themed diaper! No, absolutely not! You're making a mockery of my beliefs, woman! Get that away from me!">
xD Awesome!
Get that Wrecktastic cake away from me!
Man, princess controversy! I'm 24 and I'll admit I still love all the Disney princesses. And to clarify, while Snow White is the OG princess, she was followed by Aurora, a/k/a Sleeping Beauty (in pink), Cinderella (in blue), Ariel (mermaid), and Belle (in yellow). Jasmine and Pocahontas came later. There's only room for so many princesses on each garish cake. And as wreck-y as this cake is (especially compared to how it's really supposed to look), I'd probably love it anyway because I'm still 8 years old inside :D
As much as I love seeing all the cake wrecks, I have to say, this is the funniest post EVER!
Going Crazy In Michigan: I get it. I get it. You nickname pretty much says in all.
In other news....
30 dollers for that cake!
Gurl, you must love your daughter!
Peace,
Clueuin
O.k, let me put this all in perspective for ya'll.
When I was three my birthday cake was a cupcake (one) with a candle in it. My mom and my sister sang happy birthday to me.
Yeah!
So yeah wreaktastic cake for an adult....
Somebody's dream cake when their three.
Me, I wanted, well I don't remember what I wanted because I was three. The reason the memory stuck with me was the fact that my mom was singing at me and I think that was my earlist memory of her singing.
Well, umm
Peace,
Clueuin
Duehicky: That's not actually true. Sleeping Beauty's dress changes back and forth between blue and pink throughout the time she's wearing it (and while it's being made) because Flora and Merryweather each want it a different colour, so they keep changing it.
Violet is the cutest little thing I've ever seen in my life! I'm pretty sure I'd have that look on my face too if I saw cake, but I'm also sure I would have loved it when I was 3!
I SERIOUSLY had this exact same cake for my daughter's birthday party last year... I was shocked at the atrocious neon icing (which undoubtedly ended up staining everything it touched), but my daughter loved it. Go figure.
As an added bonus, the plastic princesses became toys which ended up lodged in the toilet.
My friend had a similarly designed cake for her 2-year-old...and eventually got to clean blue poop out of her diaper. That'll be something fun to look forward to for little Violet's mom!
Oh, whoops, you're right - I forgot about Snow White. But what color would she be, anyway? Possibly yellow? Belle pulls it off so much better, and has a floofier dress. ;) I agree with the person who said they wouldn't want SW on their cake anyway. She's not quite as much of a babe as the other princesses.
The selected princesses round out the colors rather nicely (Since Cinderella can't be white, then obviously she has to be blue, which obviously means Aurora has to be pink. Right.)
I don't think I'll ever quite understand why Ariel makes the "Princess" cut (all she wears is a seashell bra!) while Jasmine doesn't, but hey, I guess Disney can't please everyone! And Pocahontas would be brown. Who would want brown on their cake?
Baby - cute. Cake - not so much.
This cake is a good concept for a 3-year old, but really poor execution, way overdone. Parents should step in when this madness goes too far. Who wants to bet that this girl will have enough makeup on her face to match the cake in about eight years?
The baby? Too cute! I love this site.
All I can say is that I am SOOOOO glad I only have boys!!!
Sadly, this is a very common cake...ugh, it's such a pain in the butt to make, too...
Just wanted to say that it's not the poor decorator's fault...that's actually a pretty good representation of the cake oh-so-many parents get for their little princesses...Blame the people at DecoPac...
And, I think the blobular rosebuds are actually hearts...
Cinderella's dress WAS NOT white....yeesh! It was blue AND white....her WEDDING dress was white...
Snow White is one of the least-loved princesses, unfortunately....poor girl, she got stuck with a bob hair do....
Pocahontas isn't a princess....neither is Mulan....thus, don't deserve a place on a princess cake....
And Jasmine doesn't have a dress, so she gets nixed - though, honestly, why the half-fish girl? (Ariel is my favorite, but yeah - she doesn't mesh with the others...)
Wow. It's like baby's first acid trip. Could there BE any more colors on that cake?
Violet's face is priceless, though. What a cute baby!
I'm an avid , cake decorator, & a first time commenter.
The DecoPac DOES indeed look similar to that, albeit that cake is done sloppily.
DecoPacs are just overkill.
Hey, who says you have to wear a floofy dress to be a princess? Ariel is a princess because she's the daughter of a king. What else is she supposed to wear underwater?
Is Marcus actually suggesting that rainbow colors on a 3 year old's birthday cake leads to promiscuity? Lighten up sweetie.
Cassie F. (aka Mom)
I am a professional cake decorator in a successful Boston cake shop and we have to do loads of silly princess cakes simply because THAT'S WHAT LITTLE GIRLS LIKE. Albeit a bit tacky, this wreck is almost exactly like the picture included with the princess kit. So I guess what I am saying is with so many really dumb cakes out there, why pick on a cake that is exactly what the people ordered. Is our blogger getting a little snooty towards regular, not fondant overloaded cakes? Just thought I would throw that out there.
That was so funny. what made it so great was the totally unexpected gimick of the mock reporting and how perfectly the baby's face matched the tone. You got the chops jen!
that is a grrrrrrrrrreat face!!!
Marcus, you're kidding, right? Right...ummm...Marcus? Disney creations and pink fluff leads to promiscuity and teen tarts? Please. That cake is the dream cake of every little girl in this country.
One of the funniest entries yet. Thank you for bringing laughter to my day!
You guy are being unfair. This cake wasn't meant to please an adult. Most little girls will love this!
Kinda like I love your blog!
Willemijn
Danielle posted this link above http://www.decopac.com/detail_16358__1-1-1.html
OMG, they suggest a CUPCAKE CAKE, too! Two great wrecks that go great together.
Love Violet's commentary!
I think people are missing the point - even if it's a perfect rendition, and EXACTLY what a little girl would want - it's glaring on the eyes and really really BUSY....so yeah, it's still a wreck - it doesn't have to have fallen on the floor and been put back together and delivered to a bride to be a wreck. Tacky = wreck to me, and my boys have had a few tacky cakes themselves (think Spongebob) but it still doesn't make this any less funny.
I never said Ariel wasn't a princess....she's just not in her dress, and thus does not "go" with the other girls - she and Jasmine could have their own, no-dresses-allowed cake! LOL!
Oh, and Marcus? WAY WAY WAY WAY off base - I was always a princess fan, Disney fan - and I waited a LONG time to lose the big V, and I never dressed slutty - so you lose, theory in the toilet....maybe we'll get you the cake from that other post....
Wow. Just. . . .wow. I can see how a 3-year-old would go bonkers, but ow ow ow ow, eyesore just the same!
To the person who said the Hannah Montana cake was worse, find a picture of one and share! I refuse to believe this cake could be topped that easily in terms of Disney-themed, neon-saturated wreck-ness.
that was hill-arious! i love this site!
well, i am pregnant with my last and she's a girl (i have 2 boys)and...as horrible as this cake is...well, i am actually looking forward to having a cake like this! i think it would be a blast to have! what little girl wouldn't love to get her dream cake? and that one is way up there!
love the baby's expression! too cute!
Agreeing with Dee...its REALLY close to the actual kit design. I decorated cakes for 2 years...and some of the "kits" are absolutely obnoxious, covered in toys, sprinkles, airbrush..you name it...and people order them like crazy...most popular were ones similar to this one and the "CARS" cake. and seeing as I quit 2 years ago, and still see that same design in superwalmart all the time....*shakes head* haha
That's a particularly atrocious cake.
Ruby and Violet are beautifully named, however.
Just another good example of offensive grocery store cake kits done badly. The borders and everything are just so huge. From experience though, I do remember this wrecktastic cake being ever so popular during my slave labor work at the grocery store bakery.(looks down shamefully.) Thank goodness I was making good ol' minimum wage to make it worth my time!!
I just found this site and think it's awesome, great concept. Keep up the great work because your stuff always cracks me up.
Thanks,
~Ruby~
I think I might know why Jasmine, Snow White, Pocahontas and Mulan were left off this cake: they all wear either pants or dresses that aren't floor-length, which means they would have had to use a stand in order to be stable. Floofy dresses and rocks to pose on provide a nice wide base, so you don't have to have an extra chunk of plastic to make them stand up. I guess they could have made bases for them to pose on like they did with Ariel, but I just don't think it would have looked as natural.
As far as what a Elvira said about them all having dead mothers, I'm pretty sure that's true for all the princesses. Don't put all the blame on Disney for that, though: apparently when the Brothers Grimm collected most of these stories, they changed the mothers to stepmothers to avoid offending people by showing mothers as anything other than wonderful people who only have their childrens' best interests at heart. Of course, that doesn't explain all of the Disney characters, since a few aren't based on Grimm stories and some have no mother figure at all, but maybe once they got into the pattern with Snow White and Cinderella, they just continued it.
As for those who are bemoaning the use of commercialized princesses, all I can say is, check out the original versions of these stories sometime. Yeah, it would be nice if they'd put on some weight, but I'd still rather expose my daughter to the Sleeping Beauty with a tiny waist and her image plastered on 20 billion products than the one whose story comes complete with rape, adultery and cannibalism.
All that said, I'd agree that this is at least a marginal wreck. The kid may have liked it, but I think there have been quite a few wrecks here that were exactly what was ordered (I have trouble imagining that whoever ordered the head cake didn't know exactly what they were getting, for example, not to mention all the "all occasions" cakes). Tackiness is one thing that can definitely make a wreck, and this cake has more than its share. Still, I don't think it would have made the cut without Violet.
Kaye: Yes. I've seen the movie. But they sell crap with her wearing pink and I hate pink but like Sleeping beauty and would prefer it blue. She wore blue all the way until the ending sequence when they fought over the color. They make her wear pink b/c of cinderella. Who actually had a pink dress! lol.
Sadly, as I was looking at this horrid monstrosity, my 4yr old ran in and her first words were "OH MY GOD MOM I WANT THAT CAKE!!11eleven".
Meh. I see I have failed at teaching her cake aesthetics.
as an ex-cake decorator, I agree that this cake is done exactly as the kit instructions say. A small fact... It's one of the most popular cake kits in northern Wisconsin.
We love our Disney.
Okay, here's the creepy part. I'VE SEEN A CAKE LIKE THAT IN PERSON! I work at a grocery store and I remember someone purchasing it! So I've either had an encounter with that cake, or there are more of them. They're SPAWNING!
That is the most garish Disney cake ever - but it's very funny! LOL!!! XD!
I'm young, too! I was 10 when I started reading this blog (11 now)
Lol That baby looks so pissed off and grossed out....brilliant ;) xx
@bionelly
That's not true. Aurora's mother isn't dead. And more recently, neither is Tiana's mother. Or Rapunzel's mother.
Personally, though, I don't think I would ever want something so...flourescent. I think a Pocahontas cake would be lovely. (And to an above commenter, when the English came to the New World, they assumed Indian chiefs to be like kings. And when Pocahontas, who had been converted to Christianity, came to England and was presented as "The Lady Rebecca," King James I considered reprimanding John Rolfe for presuming to marry a princess. So although Indians did not have princesses, Pocahontas by all accounts should be thought of as one.)