When Gangsters Go "PC"
December 19, 2008 "Bugsy, whaddaya doin'?"
"Just decoratin' this here Christmas cake, boss."
"Bugsy, you can't write "Christmas" there - it's gonna offend somebody! An' don't call me 'boss'."
"Sorry, boss. Can I write 'happy holidays'?"
"Nah, dat'll offend people who don't celebrate no holidays."
"Can I just use red and green icin' and not write nuthin'?"
"Bugsy, ya knucklehead, think about it: red and green say 'Christmas', see? S'no good. Use a lotta blue - but not blue and white, mind, 'cause dat's all Hanukkah-like. Maybe try blue and poiple."
"Yeah, but what do I write, boss?"
"I dunno; Lil' Antony said it's just gotta be 'completely non-offensive-like, says nuthin' of substance, and don't reference no holidays.' Oh, and it can't start wit' 'happy' or 'merry', neither - people might think we're forcing our 'emotional views' on 'em, whatever da heck dat means."
[sigh] "Ok, boss."
"Don't call me 'boss'."
Wow, Tanya C., I'm getting filled with the holiday spirit just looking at this. I think the underline really sells it, don't you?
Reader Comments (197)
Reminds me of this great Brad Paisley song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daBH2IlWcmM.
Very... uh... creative.
I probably would have had more snow, and less purple, but that's just me, boss.
I'm not sure but if you zoom in on the snowman, I think it has the head of Jack Skeleton from "Nightmare before Christmas"
BWAHAH! that was the best buildup to a cake you've had yet!!!!!!!!!
yer one funny chica!
That was awesome!! You're such a great writer, every time I read one of your posts I start laughing from your descriptions!
It's so...brown.
This must be a cake to celebrate, um, winter in Bethesda, MD, where it traditionally rains heavily on Christmas, thereby turning everyone's dry brown lawns to mud.
Yesssssss!
I absolutely LOVE the preceding conversation between minions. I could hear it in my head (mostly because locally there's an alarm company that airs radio commercials of similar style). I live in Florida and snow doesn't happen but once every couple decades here. The fact that there's a snowman on it offends me. Except that I have chosen to stay in Florida for the fact that it doesn't get as cold as other states and has no snow, so really...
And Leslie, flippin hilarious honey. Love the coworker's response.
What? No exclamation points?!!!!!
With the underline, there should be a few! extra! exclamation! points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Amy B
HAHA! Nothing says nothing like, "Winter"
Like the whole Italian speak too...
I have too many "Antnees" and "Vinnies" in my family to count...this would be their MO for sensitivity...love it.
If you close your eyes, you can see Joe Pesci and DeNiro having this conversation, with Billy Crystal in the background to do the appropriate hand-wringing. And besides the A-1 commentary (love 'poiple') the only thing missing on the cake is quotation marks. Because, with all that brown ground (not white) it really isn't 'winter,' now, is it? And for those who feel left out because their climes don't get to expereince snow, consider yourself lucky. There's nothing like getting bundled up at 7 AM to go clean the car off and getting a bootful of snow. I'll take sunny and 80 any day of the year, especially in January!!!!
For some reason, when I was reading the commentary, I had the voice of Tony Soprano in my head...is that a bad thing?
Jen, you rock!
@LaLa27 And no white frosting, ya numbskull, all dem folks down South might be accusing us of only showing a Yankee winter.
The commentary made me chuckle, the cake made me snort, and that additional comment almost made me spit my coffee all over the laptop.
Word verification: Gledinap. What you say when you first get up from a good nap and are still a bit groggy.
1. I'm puzzled that so many people are grossed out by brown frosting. Maybe it was chocolate?
2. Love the wreck. I was immediately reminded of this Dave Barry gem:
These days, people say "Season's Greetings," which, when you think about it, means nothing. It's like walking up to somebody and saying "Appropriate Remark" in a loud, cheerful voice.
it's so non-sequiter- it's something i would pick up on general purpose, just to hear everyone stand around and sort of "moo" at the cake:
"..Waaw"
"..Oh-right! Looks greaaat..."
Wow, that is so inspiring. But more so was the commentary. Nice work, Jen!
Awww it's just sad!
Happy Yule!
Love your commentary! I couldn't wait to see what kind of "cake" went with it!
I know we all gag at cakes with icing overload, but somehow when it's not there...I miss it! This looks way too dry - I'd rather have a big slice of your narrative instead!
A lonely litte wreck... made fabulous by your commentary. Thanks!
I'm totally offended by the orange hat! Like they're telling me what color hat I should put on a snowman!
In this case, LESS is MORE!
LOVE the commentary!
ROTFLMAO, as usual! meo
Clearly, it's winter in Arizona.
Haha! Love the 'Oscar' reference!
Great Oscar nod, love Tim Curry in that one!
Winter to you too, boss. ;)
i, at first, thought it was a "cookie cake", too. until i blew up the pic and realized it is a POO colored icing under blue and purple with a snowman...
and as for the empty space, some "snow" would have looked nice so the snowman didn't look like he was sitting in my front yard after the grass dies.
but maybe making snow that looks like snow was WAYYY past the Wreckerator's skill level...and s/he decided against making the cake look bad. *GASP*
great stuff.
That's it I'm signing you up for el-o-cution lessons with Doctah Poole, if I gotta do it... you gotta do!
Oscared, BOO-Yah!
I love how "Winter" is underlined.
I don't know - that about sums up my feelings on this time of year. But my snowman would look angry.
PC, huh? Let me get hold of this cake, I'll take it home, add a big old sun and some holly and under "Winter", I'll add the word "Solstice"! Another perfect Pagan sabotage! Hey - maybe I should put antlers on the snowman as well!
Jen, you need to ask woot.com if they have any writer openings.
holy cannolis
by the time i got down to the actual wreck I was laughing so hard... I actually made this muscle in my side get really twisted or something and now it hurts... you owe me a get well soon wreck
Oh Jen. Your commentary fills me with laughter every day. The "icing" on that perfect joke was the cake. Congrats.
YES!
Another awesome wreck!
They could have used "Season's Greetings" XP
i was anxious to see the outcome after such a hilarious commentary. so great!
Stinking, rotten hilarious. At the risk of being un-pc...Merry Christmas!
'winter everyone! ^^
too funny ^^ i wonder who can buy this ^^
I haven't seen "Oscar" but it's now on my Netflix list. Maybe Jen should have a side-line of movie referrals for those who love her commentary.
Personally, I heard Bugs Bunny in the episode where the ganster Rocky kidnapped him. Later the police (Irish accent)ask: "Now where did you hide Rocky?" Bugs: "Would I throw my good friend Rocky into the oven?" Police: "You might rabbit, you might."
Key to one's personality, which ganster one thinks of first.
Suzanne
It's Sad How Politically Correct we Must be.
Thanks to the Liberal Independent thinkers who want to Ruin Everyones Christmas/Hanukkah.
Ba Humbug on them
Seriously...it does my heart good to see so many people who love "Oscar" as much as I do!
Oh, and this wreck definitely falls under the category of all-time "WTF???"s...
Word verification: "makesi"...as in "This wreck makesi me laugh"
Jen, seriously. We need to go have a beer together. You love all the same movies, you'd understand that the red converse on my amazon wishlist are actually because of a crush on David Tennant, AND you like the movie "Oscar". No one has watched that film more than I have. Marisa Tomei far outshines her work with Cousin Vinnie.......
Oh, wow. Oscar!, Loved that movie...
CC hope everyone is ok after $6100 damage.
Brown icing... is appropriate for our crappy snowless sort of winters.
wvotd sledev...the sound my studded tires make spinning on the heavy lines of paint at intersection.
wow. i have to say that is a pretty sad 'winter' cake.
word verification: distroym
These cake decorators are cramping my holiday spirit, lets distroym!
I got a great chuckle out of this one. Thanks!
W.V.-
Monshe : When a monster gets the munchies. (I don't know how hungry he might be if he sees that cake!)
Megan thought the word winter should have a period. I think the decorator was being subtle and meant winter is over (After all, it is over the underline). And what would symbolize the end of winter more than a lonely snowman.
WV: torrige--Papa Bear's porridge that Goldilocks couldn't eat.
I think this is the funniest one yet. OMG
Wow - Brown icing? Shouldn't he have been a brown snowman?