7 Seriously Ugly Wedding Cakes To Make Your Day Better

Wow, you guys really like your wedding wrecks, don't you?

And by "your" wedding wrecks, I of course mean someone ELSE'S wedding wrecks.

Because you are terrible, terrible people.

We must be related.

Now, remember, a wedding cake is the most important cake in a person's blah-de-blah-look at this wreck:

On the bright side, there are cupcakes.

On the top side, there's this:

I think it says "M and H."

Why did the baker use "and" instead of an ampersand?
The world... may never know.

Ever wonder what a cake would like like wrapped in wet tissue paper?

WONDER NO MORE.

This next one is Smurf-tastic:

In fact, I believe the bride's exact words were, "So help me, I'm gonna smurfin' SMURF that smurfing baker!"

So...

...that happened.

The bride asked for steampunk:

She got steamed poop.

Every time I see a wedding cake like this, I think the same thing:

If only that camouflage worked.

At least it didn't have a weedy deer skull on it, though!
AHAHAHAHAHAWAIT:

The swan pillars are a nice touch.

The intestine topping, not so much.

Thanks to an anonymous bride, an anonymous wedding guest, Katie F., Judy M., another Anony M., Shari A., & Ashley P. for helping me give brides-to-be everywhere nightmares. SLEEP TIGHT, LADIES.

*****

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Brides Tell All!

Ah, wedding wrecks. Like a good movie, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry, and sometimes, they can make you run screaming for small claims court. (Never again, Sea Biscuit. Never. AGAIN.)

So.

Bride-to-be Beverly ordered this wedding cake from her bakery's catalog:

She writes,
"I asked if it was possible to do a dark blue layer as well, and I was assured it was possible and it would look fine."

See, there's your first red flag, Bev. Dark blue and moss green will never look fine together, and anyone who tells you otherwise IS LYING. Or possibly color blind.

"My mom went to pick up the cake and threw a fit. Granted, she didn’t know what it was supposed to look like but she assures me it was much worse, so she made them redo it."

Ah, so they fixed it? Hey, good for them!

Wait, you said "redo," not "fix," didn't you? Ah. Still, how bad could it be?

Why do I even ask anymore.
I mean, really.

...

Next up, Jamie writes:

"I gave our bakery this picture with instructions that I wanted our cake to look just like the top tier - smooth sides, our monogram, and instead of the piping on the bottom, a simple purple ribbon."

That may be the easiest request I've ever heard. Seriously. There's no way a pro baker could mess that up.

Literally, no way.

Literally.

NO WAY.

...

And finally, Carolyn writes:

"Basically, I just wanted the top 3 layers like the cake below in white, with red ribbons and a matching red sash. The flowers were going to be white, with a red and yellow one randomly placed."

Right. Three white layers, red ribbon, and some red and yellow flowers.

NILED IT.

(You know, like the River Nile? 'Cuz it's all flowing down the cake? Yes? No?)

(Hey, if you don't think that's funny then YOU'RE IN DENIAL.)

(Eh? EH??)

Thanks to Beverly, Jamie, & Carolyn's cake for crying us a river.

*****

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