These Vintage Birthday Cakes Are Awesomely Bad

Were the good ol' days of cake decorating REALLY better?

And more importantly, can Jen find an excuse to post some of the rad vintage birthday cakes you guys have been sending in?

Let's find out, with...

EPIC CAKE BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

THEN:

I pity the fool who doesn't recognize Hulk Hogan & Mr. T.

VS

NOW:

THEN:

VS

NOW:

THEN:

VS

NOW:

"I stopped listening after 'cabbage'."
(Yup, it's cake. Cabbagey, cabbagey cake.)

THEN:

VS

NOW:

THEN:

VS

NOW:

Who WON? Who LOST?
YOU decide!!

And keep sending in those vintage birthday cakes, because seriously, these things are amazing.

Thanks to Robert T., Elizabeth B., Jason R., Tiki C., Jason R., Kristi C., Lindsay S., Karen H., Susan M., & Brittany J. - and a hat tip to Epic Rap Battles of History for all the lolz.

*****

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Nah, These Won't Traumatize the Kids at ALL

These cakes are all quite nicely done. I'm sure that will be of some comfort to the kids when they're in therapy.

Sock-hop it to me, Audrey R.!

Yes, happy birthday, girls, from Headless Flo and her Tinker-Toy Poodle Skirt of Probable Misfortune. ("Doom" was taken.)

Now, who wants ice cream?

"No, no, Patrick, the dinosaur isn't trying to eat you. He's here to party!"

See? Look at that cute little party hat! It really bring out his razor sharp teeth, don't you think, Selah T.?

Speaking of teeth...

This looks like the aftermath of a fairy-tale massacre, or in other words, a-DOR-able! [sing-song voice] Say, Arloe S., is that middle pig coming or going?

[announcer voice] "Hey parents, are you tired of boring, peaceful birthday parties? Want to add a little more excitement back into the one-year celebration? Then ask for the Dead Elephant special!"

[Kids yelling] "Yay! Dead elephants!"

[announcer] "That's right, kids! Yes, these delectable globs of deceased pachyderms tell the world: this party is gonna be killer!

"Side effects may include screaming, crying, thumb-sucking, sweating, itchy palms, irritable bowel, and a life-long fear of blue animals. Not recommended for children with nervous constitutions or sensitive bladders. Dead elephants are not responsible for any damages - real or imagined - done to your children. Void where prohibited, all rights reserved."

You've got a killer eye there, Andrew C.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.