Barbie's Birthday Bash

Barbie doll, you've come a loooong way, baby.

Too far.

TOO FAR!

What I mean is, you've inspired a whole generation of smaller doll cakes...

[side eye]

And you're not just limited to boring ol' dress cakes anymore, NO SIR.

Now you're popping out of Easter eggs!

And fish tails!

And whatever this weird pouch thing is!

So here's to you, Barbie:

Often imitated, but never duplicated.

Like, not even CLOSE.

P.S. Ken says hi.

Thanks to Joanna M., Anna S., Sara C., Elizabeth T., Anony M., Annie E., Kendell C., & Lamora D. for keeping life in plastic so fantastic.

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Texas Cowboy Poetry Goes Horse

Every year I try to channel my inner cowboy and write a little poetry. So sit back, relax, and try not to picture me in a Three Amigos costume*.

[*You're already doing it, aren't you? I knew it.]

Jed was a cowboy who wanted to sing
'Bout huntin' an' fishin' an' bein' right-wing.
As a matter of course
He camo'd his horse
But now he can't find the dang thing

("Shhhhh.")

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Is that an ear, dear?
Who knows, nose?
But that's an eye, aye?

Nice roses.

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As I ponder the existential stylings of my empty holster and overflowing chaps
BANG BANG
Finger guns!
And in the corner,
she smirks.
Stop that

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silent bug-eyed stare
why are you making that face
I hope that's a tail

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[strumming guitar]

Poop in the mane
Poop in the maaane!
It don't matter one whit
Where your horse takes a... hit
So long as there's no poop
...
in the mane.

Thanks to my amigos Emily F., Sandy L., Katie T., Carrie B., & Whitney K., who would definitely say that I have a plethora of poetry-penning talent. (Right? ;))

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