Texas Cowboy Poetry Goes Horse
February 26, 2015 Every year I try to channel my inner cowboy and write a little poetry. So sit back, relax, and try not to picture me in a Three Amigos costume*.
[*You're already doing it, aren't you? I knew it.]
Jed was a cowboy who wanted to sing
'Bout huntin' an' fishin' an' bein' right-wing.
As a matter of course
He camo'd his horse
But now he can't find the dang thing
;)
("Shhhhh.")
*****
Is that an ear, dear?
Who knows, nose?
But that's an eye, aye?
Nice roses.
;)
*****
As I ponder the existential stylings of my empty holster and overflowing chaps
BANG BANG
Finger guns!
And in the corner,
she smirks.
Stop that
;)
*****
silent bug-eyed stare
why are you making that face
I hope that's a tail
;)
*****
[strumming guitar]
Poop in the mane
Poop in the maaane!
It don't matter one whit
Where your horse takes a... hit
So long as there's no poop
...
in the mane.
;)
Thanks to my amigos Emily F., Sandy L., Katie T., Carrie B., & Whitney K., who would definitely say that I have a plethora of poetry-penning talent. (Right? ;))
*****
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Reader Comments (30)
Hah! One of my favorite movies. I'll be humming My Little Buttercup all day now. Your poetry is inspiring. These cakes are not.
Perfect timing - tomorrow is "Go Texan" day in Houston! It's the start of the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Every year, at the end of February, volunteers and rodeo participants from all over Texas ride their horses and wagons along the trails (i.e. freeways) into Houston and arrive at the rodeo site on the Friday before Rodeo for a BBQ cookoff, and all Houstonians dress in cowboy attire on that day. It's quite a site! But... none of the horses look like these critters....? They must be from (headshake) New York City! :)
That third one looks a mighty bit bloated there. 😄
Jen...you are right! I picture you in the Three Amigos costume! You 'lil darlin' (Cowboy talk).
I spit out my coffee at the post that I read
'bout Jed and his lost camo horse
'cause Jen tells great tails*
with a 'twang she does hail
as Queen of wrecks both South and North
Sad attempt, not as good as Jen, but who is? Thanks Jen!
...and the dogies weep.
@Juls - Dem's fightin' woids.
When I wuz young, I wuz a great cowgirl
I thunk it wuz the best thing in the whole gosh-danged world
But now that I met up with the Force
I've given up chaps, hats, spurs & gorse
'Cuz somehow it don't seem tuh be as cool
This reminds me: I really miss Haiku Joy. Anyone know where she went?
Jen, you're ready to be a cowboy poet. Now you just need your bandana and lasso to make the image complete!
"Overflowing chaps"
Wow.
It's Rodeo time here in Tucson AZ. Even the schools get two days off! Yipee!
A Pony Penning joke! Yay!
If you take the 3rd one and cover the mouth with your hand, it's actually pretty well drawn. But then the mouth happened and it all went down hill from there. I sympathize baker, I can't draw mouths either.
pou coins and potions for absolutely free
There is an actual term for these types of, um, equine-inspired images.
They are referred to as HSOs or "horse-shaped objects".
You're welcome.
Lat one was almost decent...if not for the mane it would have been not too bad.
That first horse reminds me of the time I bought camo flip flops for my little boy. I'm cheap, they were cheap, so it worked out well, at first. Then, he kicked them off while playing in the grassy yard, and we couldn't find them!! We'd eventually stumble across them, he'd wear them awhile, and the whole thing would happen again. :-) Not that this has anything to do with cakes.
Hey, Junebug! I'm in Tucson, too, so thanks for getting the word out ahead of me! It's Rodeo Days!
(cowboy singing)
As I walked out in the aisles of the bakery
as I walked out in the bakery one day
I spied a...
o.O
ahem...
"Excuse me ma'am, what is that?"
...
"It's a WHAT? How in tarnation do you figure that?!"
...
"Drop that frosting bag and reach for the sky you yellow-bellied, lilly-livered, cake wrecker, you!"
A horse is a horse of course of course unless of course its a camo horse. and no one can camo a horse, of course, unless of course its a cowboy's horse.
I fully expected to get to the end of that post and find it written by John (thoj). But mostly because that's who I pictured in the Three Amigos costume.
So glad that you said it was a horse in the first picture. I was utterly confused about what it was. I couldn't see it. Arf!
Ya'all need to stop horsein' around!
Nice poetry Jen!
Ahem...public service announcement. From a real Wyoming cowgirl. The word "chaps," when referring to the cowboy attire and not wind-roughening, is pronounced as if spelled with an "sh" and NOT a "ch." Cuz it's French. It has been mispronounced by so many Easterners and non-cowboys that the dictionary had to change their listing!!! So, just know, if you're among real cowfolk pronounce it correctly or you'll be despised as much as a CCC. Or a CCC Camoflage horse. Thank you. Oh, and Wyoming cowboys and other residents do NOT have a southern accent. Even though Hollywood would have you think otherwise.
@Carol, love the story!
Wreck #2 looks like a sock puppet! The poem to #1 was my favorite.
Once when wandering the prairie
Out looking for cows from my dairy,
Thought I saw a long snake
So shots I did take,
Now that stick knows it better be wary.
The #2 rose-garland one *might* have been made for celebrating the Kentucky Derby, since that race is known as "The Run for the Roses", but that's really a stretch...
Any one of those would have me screaming if I were to find it stuffed under the covers at the foot of my bed.
=^-.-^=
Oh look at those cakes
That the wreckerator makes
Where the eyes and the noses all stray
And often is heard
Is that a poo turd?
And the icing is camo all day!
Horses, horses of cake
Where the smiles on their faces look fake.
And seldom is heard
"That's just what I or-dered"
And the customers hearts they just break!
In that first one, the throatlatch should be lying in the opposite direction. Aside from that, it's actually not a badly drawn bridle.
Those wreckers had better watch out or the animal rights folks will be after them for cruelty to horses.
Jen, you're brilliant. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
Aw. I just wanna ask the last horse, "Why the long face?"
Try to picture that scene from The Godfather with one of these wrecks under the covers.
I read this post in Dean Winchester's voice.