My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Texas Cowboy Poetry Goes Horse

Every year I try to channel my inner cowboy and write a little poetry. So sit back, relax, and try not to picture me in a Three Amigos costume*.

[*You're already doing it, aren't you? I knew it.]


Jed was a cowboy who wanted to sing
'Bout huntin' an' fishin' an' bein' right-wing.
As a matter of course
He camo'd his horse
But now he can't find the dang thing




Is that an ear, dear?
Who knows, nose?
But that's an eye, aye?

Nice roses.



As I ponder the existential stylings of my empty holster and overflowing chaps
Finger guns!
And in the corner,
she smirks.
Stop that



silent bug-eyed stare
why are you making that face
I hope that's a tail



[strumming guitar]

Poop in the mane
Poop in the maaane!
It don't matter one whit
Where your horse takes a... hit
So long as there's no poop
in the mane.


Thanks to my amigos Emily F., Sandy L., Katie T., Carrie B., & Whitney K., who would definitely say that I have a plethora of poetry-penning talent. (Right? ;))


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Reader Comments (30)

Hah! One of my favorite movies. I'll be humming My Little Buttercup all day now. Your poetry is inspiring. These cakes are not.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Perfect timing - tomorrow is "Go Texan" day in Houston! It's the start of the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Every year, at the end of February, volunteers and rodeo participants from all over Texas ride their horses and wagons along the trails (i.e. freeways) into Houston and arrive at the rodeo site on the Friday before Rodeo for a BBQ cookoff, and all Houstonians dress in cowboy attire on that day. It's quite a site! But... none of the horses look like these critters....? They must be from (headshake) New York City! :)

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJuls

That third one looks a mighty bit bloated there. 😄

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469 are right! I picture you in the Three Amigos costume! You 'lil darlin' (Cowboy talk).
I spit out my coffee at the post that I read
'bout Jed and his lost camo horse
'cause Jen tells great tails*
with a 'twang she does hail
as Queen of wrecks both South and North

Sad attempt, not as good as Jen, but who is? Thanks Jen!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

...and the dogies weep.

@Juls - Dem's fightin' woids.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

When I wuz young, I wuz a great cowgirl
I thunk it wuz the best thing in the whole gosh-danged world
But now that I met up with the Force
I've given up chaps, hats, spurs & gorse
'Cuz somehow it don't seem tuh be as cool

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

This reminds me: I really miss Haiku Joy. Anyone know where she went?

Jen, you're ready to be a cowboy poet. Now you just need your bandana and lasso to make the image complete!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"Overflowing chaps"


February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

It's Rodeo time here in Tucson AZ. Even the schools get two days off! Yipee!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJunebug

A Pony Penning joke! Yay!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

If you take the 3rd one and cover the mouth with your hand, it's actually pretty well drawn. But then the mouth happened and it all went down hill from there. I sympathize baker, I can't draw mouths either.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterYota

pou coins and potions for absolutely free

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterpou hack

There is an actual term for these types of, um, equine-inspired images.

They are referred to as HSOs or "horse-shaped objects".

You're welcome.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Lat one was almost decent...if not for the mane it would have been not too bad.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That first horse reminds me of the time I bought camo flip flops for my little boy. I'm cheap, they were cheap, so it worked out well, at first. Then, he kicked them off while playing in the grassy yard, and we couldn't find them!! We'd eventually stumble across them, he'd wear them awhile, and the whole thing would happen again. :-) Not that this has anything to do with cakes.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Hey, Junebug! I'm in Tucson, too, so thanks for getting the word out ahead of me! It's Rodeo Days!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJan in AZ

(cowboy singing)
As I walked out in the aisles of the bakery
as I walked out in the bakery one day
I spied a...
"Excuse me ma'am, what is that?"
"It's a WHAT? How in tarnation do you figure that?!"
"Drop that frosting bag and reach for the sky you yellow-bellied, lilly-livered, cake wrecker, you!"

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

A horse is a horse of course of course unless of course its a camo horse. and no one can camo a horse, of course, unless of course its a cowboy's horse.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

I fully expected to get to the end of that post and find it written by John (thoj). But mostly because that's who I pictured in the Three Amigos costume.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

So glad that you said it was a horse in the first picture. I was utterly confused about what it was. I couldn't see it. Arf!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

Ya'all need to stop horsein' around!
Nice poetry Jen!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

Ahem...public service announcement. From a real Wyoming cowgirl. The word "chaps," when referring to the cowboy attire and not wind-roughening, is pronounced as if spelled with an "sh" and NOT a "ch." Cuz it's French. It has been mispronounced by so many Easterners and non-cowboys that the dictionary had to change their listing!!! So, just know, if you're among real cowfolk pronounce it correctly or you'll be despised as much as a CCC. Or a CCC Camoflage horse. Thank you. Oh, and Wyoming cowboys and other residents do NOT have a southern accent. Even though Hollywood would have you think otherwise.

@Carol, love the story!

Wreck #2 looks like a sock puppet! The poem to #1 was my favorite.

Once when wandering the prairie
Out looking for cows from my dairy,
Thought I saw a long snake
So shots I did take,
Now that stick knows it better be wary.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

The #2 rose-garland one *might* have been made for celebrating the Kentucky Derby, since that race is known as "The Run for the Roses", but that's really a stretch...
Any one of those would have me screaming if I were to find it stuffed under the covers at the foot of my bed.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Oh look at those cakes
That the wreckerator makes
Where the eyes and the noses all stray
And often is heard
Is that a poo turd?
And the icing is camo all day!

Horses, horses of cake
Where the smiles on their faces look fake.
And seldom is heard
"That's just what I or-dered"
And the customers hearts they just break!

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

In that first one, the throatlatch should be lying in the opposite direction. Aside from that, it's actually not a badly drawn bridle.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterQue Sara Lee

Those wreckers had better watch out or the animal rights folks will be after them for cruelty to horses.

February 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Jen, you're brilliant. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

February 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Aw. I just wanna ask the last horse, "Why the long face?"

February 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterrob333

Try to picture that scene from The Godfather with one of these wrecks under the covers.

February 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGrammar Gracie

I read this post in Dean Winchester's voice.

March 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPinkie Pie

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