Buyer's Remorse

Well, ladies, you did it: You've said your vows, the birdseed has been thrown, and now you're ready to hit the reception, do a little Mambo #5 (sure that fad is over, but you like it, dang it), and celebrate with your very own Prince Charming.

[music swelling] I'm talking about the guy of your dreams, the man who swept you off your feet with his suave good looks, his impeccable taste, and his...ah...

[music screeching to a halt] ...closet alcoholism?

Yep, sorry to break it to you, girls, but some of you are going to learn a lot more about your new hubby than you wanted to at your wedding reception, all thanks to his grooms cake.

Like the fact that not only does he enjoy hunting - that you could deal with - but that he also believes plastering a photo of himself with his latest "kill" on a cake surrounded by real shotgun shells is wedding-appropriate.

[tears welling up] Aw, don't they look happy together? Mr. Romance here really knows the way to a girl's heart, doesn't he? (Through the ribcage with an M-16.)

You could also learn he has a mildly-alarming obsession with the show "Golden Girls":

(Note: that's supposed to be Sofia in his lap, not a twisted granny-version of a blow-up doll.)

And of course every bride finds this kind of humor absolutely hysterical on her wedding day:

Feel the love.

Serena M., Amanda, Christel P., & Morgan G., that grave cake could really make a person blue. At least his/her tongue, anyway.

- Related Wreckage: When Men Design Their Own Cakes

Proper Grooming

You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...

(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)

Hobbies...

(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?)

Mouth cancer...

(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)

Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.

[crickets chirping]

Well, he does look relaxed.

[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.