Tuesday
Aug112009
Buyer's Remorse
August 11, 2009 Well, ladies, you did it: You've said your vows, the birdseed has been thrown, and now you're ready to hit the reception, do a little Mambo #5 (sure that fad is over, but you like it, dang it), and celebrate with your very own Prince Charming.
[music swelling] I'm talking about the guy of your dreams, the man who swept you off your feet with his suave good looks, his impeccable taste, and his...ah...
[music screeching to a halt] ...closet alcoholism?Yep, sorry to break it to you, girls, but some of you are going to learn a lot more about your new hubby than you wanted to at your wedding reception, all thanks to his grooms cake.
Like the fact that not only does he enjoy hunting - that you could deal with - but that he also believes plastering a photo of himself with his latest "kill" on a cake surrounded by real shotgun shells is wedding-appropriate.
[tears welling up] Aw, don't they look happy together? Mr. Romance here really knows the way to a girl's heart, doesn't he? (Through the ribcage with an M-16.)You could also learn he has a mildly-alarming obsession with the show "Golden Girls":
(Note: that's supposed to be Sofia in his lap, not a twisted granny-version of a blow-up doll.)And of course every bride finds this kind of humor absolutely hysterical on her wedding day:
Feel the love.- Related Wreckage: When Men Design Their Own Cakes
Reader Comments (126)
If it didn't say "Golden Girls" on there, I would have assumed that was one of those divorce cakes. Or maybe the "He's Cheating" cake. Yikes.
This would be why there was no groom's cake at our wedding.
Seriously, dead animals at a wedding?
*sigh*
All I could think of was how dirty the beer caps, beer can, and shotgun shells were. That is disgusting!-Rebecca
*Does first comment dance.*
Haha, loved the beer cake. So romantic.
Wonder what the wedding night was like?
I bet the 3rd one down was exactly how the bride looked when she saw that cake!
That beer cake is disturbing.
The chocolate basket cake with dipped strawberries looks so nice apart from the cartridges and photo! A Classic.
My first instinct was that "Sophia" was supposed to be an old lady version of a blow-up doll.
Thanks for clearing that up...only slightly less creepy now...maybe...?
I totally thought that was a blow up doll on the 3rd cake!!
mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com
The drippings on the beer cake, the cloudy chocolate on the strawberries, and the giant mound of poo are all very unappetizing.
I am diggin the little tuxedos on the other strawberries though. I could do without the constipated bride......
Becky
The red flag in cake #1 is not the groom's rampant alcoholism but his taste in said alcohol. We currently have four bottles of Bud Light in the fridge, waiting to be consumed by the wife and/or future company. And they're welcome to 'em.
A groom obsessed with The Golden Girls? I smell counseling in the distance. I mean, yeah, it was a good show...but a groom's cake? What's next: a Designing Women CCC?
The beer cake is actually rather well executed, in my opinion. Classless, yes, but well executed. It could be kind of funny in some situations (a 21st birthday perhaps?) but yeah...not a wedding. I also like that it's Bud Light...classy! I guess the bride should just count her blessings he isn't into Schlitz or Old Milwaukee or something.
Sadly, I know a number of people who I hope never see this cake (at least before they are married.) Mostly old high school classmates.
random note: LOVE the tuxedo strawberries!
Basket cake??? Ohhhhhh....I thought you said basketcase.
Now I have Mambo #5 stuck in my head...
It's one thing to be into beer - but Bud Light? That's not beer. I'd be totally on board with a groom's cake celebrating REALLY GREAT BEER, but Bud Light? Yeah, I'd be seeking an annulment.
Traditionally, the bride is supposed to order the groom's cake as a surprise to the groom, which is why they usually feature his hobbies.
That makes these wrecks even more disturbing -- the idea that maybe the BRIDES ordered them!
I thought it was supposed to be a flight attendant in the groom's lap.
And ladies, if your husband is a Golden Girls fan, you might want to check your gaydar before getting married to him.
cake #3: strawberries! wearing tuxes! has anyone noticed that this is ADORABLE!?
I couldn't see "The Golden Girls." I thought it was the "He's a Momma's Boy!" cake.
The strawberries in tuxedos are pretty darn cute. Even if the rest of the cake is creepy.
Wrong. Just wrong.
Golden Girls for a grooms cake is the most disturbing thing for a cake ever! That and the Stalin cake of course.
To each his own I guess...
Why can't anyone on the Golden Girls cake bend their knees? At least I know the decorative couple on the couch looks as uncomfortable as the cake makes me feel.
myolderbrothers.blogspot.com
All I can really say is "wow... really?" to these.
Love your site - read it daily!
Wow. The beer cake is quite special. I can't believe that anyone could love Bud Light THAT much. They should have topped this piece of class with a beer bong. The thing probably belongs in the white trash hall of fame(or shame...)!
They could've at least used Heineken.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
LMAO at the blow-up Sofia doll!
On an unrelated note, I really dig those strawberries in a tux!
Another thumbs up for the cute little tuxedo-ed strawberries. WANTWANTWANT!!!
I love the juxaposition of the shotgun shells nestled amongst the chocolate-dipped strawberries. How romantic!!
wv: banesked
I'm glad the Sophia doll is fully clothed instead of sitting banesked in the groom's lap.
Is it just me or do ALL those chocolate strawberries look like animal droppings? I guess that's "appropriate" -- or at least keeping with the theme -- on the Mr. Macho Hunter Man cake, but it's even weirder on the other one.
I just can't help it now. Be it donut or ice cream shops, supermarkets or bakeries, I am looking for cakewrecks! I LOVE this site!
Rose
http://roseintheslowlane.blogspot.com
"Thank you for being a friend" takes on new meaning, eh? Gaydar check, indeed!
I'll have a slice of the cake dripping crappy American beer, thanks... *shudder*
Bride, upon seeing hunting cake: Man, I thought I threw all that brass out!
Wow.. that Golden Girls cake is just the scariest thing I've ever seen in cake form (especially considering it's a groom's cake). That poor bride..
WV: problens (no kidding!) - That groom's got major problens!
This is reason 476 I am glad we eloped.. Granted my husbands cake most likely would have the a horribly funny Star Trek cake (that can be fogiven if it is a good cake)
Are you ABSOLUTELY positive that's a golden girl obsession? I'm just saying that I think I saw a blow up hole on the arm....
I was the MOH in a wedding where the groom's cake was a mounted deer HEAD, complete with oozing red velvet cake inside. Can you say GROSS?
I'm with Lydia on this one. The groom's cake is typically a gift from the bride (and often a surprise), so the guys don't get the blame here.
Obviously the second cake is for a shotgun wedding. The photo means to say, "You are very deer to me."
As for the last cake, it's true he's no longer a bachelor, but do you really want to emphasize the ending over the new beginning?
The beer cake would be a great birthday cake, but as a groom cake seems really redneck.
I just don't get these deer hunting theme weddings.
I like the Golden Girls cake. It's fun to look at. I don't see why Sophia isn't in sitting position like the groom tho.
That last cake would be a wreck even if it wasn't a groom cake. Does it have a bottleneck, a squashed spot or is that suppose to be a tombstone?
Wow. Just Wow.
Who could've ever thought that "the cake that started it all" way back when would lead us to cakes like the ones posted here today. Mere ignorance and spelling mistakes (such as "under neat that" or "it's a gril" etc.)are FAR less scary than the personalities that are reflected in these cakes.
Beer caps, and gun shells, and Sophia[!?]... OH MY!!
Rickie, I completely agree, I'd allow a beer groom cake, but definitely not one celebrating that much love for Bud Light.
I love the combination of shotgun shells and chocolate covered strawberries. That just screams romance.
Not sure why everybody loves the tuxedo strawberries so much. They look disturbingly like little dismembered torsos, with the uncoated tops looking all bloody. But maybe it's because I'm not wearing my glasses...
I guess I'm the only one concerned about the choking hazard presented by all those beer caps on cake #1. Especially if that quantity of 'beer' (yeah, I wouldn't drink Bud Light on a dare) had been consumed before cutting the cake.
Now if that cake was beer flavored, I might be impressed (make that, I might be puking later)
I am wondering where they got the bottle caps for the "I-was-drunk-when-I-asked-her" cake. Did the wreckorater drink them before decorating it? Would explain it.
wv-barking. Wow, a real word!
"I don't see why Sophia isn't in sitting position like the groom tho."
Wasn't Estelle Getty an occasional presenter on Sit and Be Fit? At the very least, I know I saw her on TV extolling its virtues in the '90s. So a sitting position would be apropos.
Aww, I think the Death of a Bachelor cake is really cute!
I'm so glad that this is not a custom that has made it over this side of the Pond.