Hot Lips

Warning: Mildly naughty content ahead. (Aw yeeeeeah.)

I dunno, call me old-fashioned ("You're old-fashioned!") but I still say Santa shouldn't have lips more plumpalicious than mine.

It's just not fair, is all I'm saying.

Of course, some Santa cakes can be quite entertaining - in an adult, full-of-hot-air, dolled-up kind of way. (Putting the "b" in "subtle," that's me!)

Yep, you could say this Santa is crying out for commentary. Commentary which I, a wide-eyed innocent whose parents read this blog, cannot possibly provide.

On the other side of the...coin...we have this:

Brown lips, chocolate chips - gee, who could ask for anything more?
(That was rhetorical. I really, really don't want to know.)

You know what they say! Once you go...

No, sorry, I can't do it. Provide your own commentary, you filthy, filthy readers, you.

Well, fortunately, I think that was the worst of the...

AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

[biting lip] So...many....puns... Must...resist...

Nope, I give up. Ready?

Not to blow things out of proportion, but let's face it: this head cake really sucks!

[bowing to tumultuous applause] Thank you, thank you. Yes, it was quite a mouthful, but I'm glad I got it out of my system.

Alisa K., Kierstyn S., Miki C., Sarah H., and Chelsea & Claire, be sure to bookmark this post for Christmas day. After all, it's nice to liven up the usual awkward silences with family with a few extremely awkward stifled screams of laughter. [nodding seriously]

- Related Wreckage: Santa Gets the Shaft

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A Fine Feathered Salute

NOTE: Today's post contains material (namely icing) in unintentionally unseemly shapes. There are also some poop jokes. If you are offended by unintentionally unseemly icing shapes or poop jokes, you will not like today's post. In other words: Hide the children!!

That said, everything here is safe for work (as always) and will most likely sail cleanly over the heads of the very young. Still, parents should note that CW has always been, and always will be, a PG-rated site.

Now, on to the unintentionally unseemly icing shapes!

Last week we established pretty much every possible way turkey cakes can be wrecked...except one.

You see, turkey cakes have two inherent flaws. First, they're made out of chocolate icing...

which looks like poo.

This you know.

However, the other problem - which I have avoided mentioning until now - is that they also tend to have long skinny bodies and blobular heads, which can look, well...

a little stiff.

Combine these two unfortunate predilections, and you get:

The turkey poo-wang.
(Nice "legs.")

Here's another:

This guy looks pretty shocked. Think that's because his beak fell off, or because he's so surprisingly out of proportion?*

*ACTUAL DIALOGUE WHILE WRITING THIS POST:

Me: I'm not sure about "surprisingly out of proportion."

John: Why, what's wrong with it?

Me: Well, it's quite a mouthful.

John: [screeching laughter]

Me: [innocently] What?

Turkey: the other dark meat.

Katey S., Owen H., Paula W., Laura I., & Lola P., these Wrecks give new meaning to "giving you the bird," don't they?

- Related Wreckage: Butterfly Misses