Thursday
Dec172009
Hot Lips
December 17, 2009 Warning: Mildly naughty content ahead. (Aw yeeeeeah.)
It's just not fair, is all I'm saying.Of course, some Santa cakes can be quite entertaining - in an adult, full-of-hot-air, dolled-up kind of way. (Putting the "b" in "subtle," that's me!)
Yep, you could say this Santa is crying out for commentary. Commentary which I, a wide-eyed innocent whose parents read this blog, cannot possibly provide.On the other side of the...coin...we have this:
Brown lips, chocolate chips - gee, who could ask for anything more?(That was rhetorical. I really, really don't want to know.)
You know what they say! Once you go...No, sorry, I can't do it. Provide your own commentary, you filthy, filthy readers, you.
Well, fortunately, I think that was the worst of the...
AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!![biting lip] So...many....puns... Must...resist...
Nope, I give up. Ready?
Not to blow things out of proportion, but let's face it: this head cake really sucks!
[bowing to tumultuous applause] Thank you, thank you. Yes, it was quite a mouthful, but I'm glad I got it out of my system.
Alisa K., Kierstyn S., Miki C., Sarah H., and Chelsea & Claire, be sure to bookmark this post for Christmas day. After all, it's nice to liven up the usual awkward silences with family with a few extremely awkward stifled screams of laughter. [nodding seriously]
- Related Wreckage: Santa Gets the Shaft
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Today’s charity, Doctors without Borders, provides emergency aid in nearly 60 countries to people whose survival is threatened by violence, neglect, or catastrophe. They operate independently of any political, military, or religious agendas, and in 1999 received the Nobel Peace Prize.
Click here to donate your dollar through our First Giving campaign page.
Wondering what all this is about? Then read this post to see where it all started, and then go to our Charity Countdown page to catch up!
Reader Comments (104)
Oh...those were great!
Is it a coincidence that all of the "Santas" except #1 look alarmed and/or traumatized?
I guess Santa has to have some way to pay the bills in the off season.
OMG!!! After the Angelina Jolie-Marilyn Monroe-Abominable-Snowman-from-Monsters-Inc. opening, I didn’t think these could get any worse! Thanks for the laughs.
I’d say something funny but, well...
^..^
This is where those "OH OH OH!" pieces make sense!
WV: urbedes Where exactly did you leave urbedes!?
I just wonder why bakers use the heart-shape for anything other than... well, hearts!
Wow. I think the second one is my favorite. I mean, he's got his mouth wide open, ready to take it .. if you know what I mean.
--Samantha.
Greatest.
Post.
Ever.
I think the second Santa is my favorite. He looks like he's ready to take it in the mouth, tongue hanging out and all.
That's what she said.
Ooo, I love a little Santa adult humor. Gives a little edge to all the goodness and light, heh heh heh...
And Doctors Without Borders? Good call! Great organization to back. I've been a little slack on my donations, but I'll catch up. Every drop in the bucket helps.
okay, maybe i'm just a little too innocent yet to get what's funny about these cakes (although highly hilarious comment of "Not to blow things out of proportion, but let's face it: this head cake really sucks!" makes me wonder.....) Okay, that pun was funny but I still don't understand what that has to do with these cakes. They are ugly, though..... And do have a bit of an "o-face" (tee hee, Office Space!!!!) Anyhow..... I never want one of those to show up on my table. Ooo! Santa Baby......
* -- speechless -- *
(probably all for the best)
I'm gonna call "brown lips, chocolate chips" santa "Stumpy", because of his nose lol That's just nasty looking roflmao
All of those were great though!
Some of those cakes need to be "blown up".
I've always loved that your blog is usually squeaky clean (even with the occasional potty humor!). I have to say I'm disappointed with the innuendos in this one. All of the ladies at my church LOVE your blog- but I'm embarrassed I referred them after seeing this post. :(
Please keep it clean Jen!
I think that wow is the only words that come to mind with regards to Santa #2. Makes you wonder what happened to him after he was picked up at the grocery store.
Do you suppose that first cake was created in the L.A. area? I hear they are into stuff like that out there--it's only natural that standard of beauty would carry over to the Santa cakes of Southern Cal.
Anony 10:31--
It seems that Jen has started to provide notes of warning at the beginning of posts that readers might find objectionable. To me, this seems a great compromise--she still gets to run her blog the way she wants to, and readers who don't like that sort of thing have ample opportunity to skip that day's post. I'm sure the church ladies can read the disclaimer and make their own choices about reading further. (And some church ladies-ahem-still think this blog is awesome.)
--kate
the thing about santa cakes, wrecked or not, is that his beard always has a lot of frosting. and that's the best part.
*pondering what blog anonymous is reading that is "squeaky clean"*
Anyway... the first one looks like the aftermath of a bad collagen injection. And the second? Um... wow.
Well blow me, you managed to offend someone again......I dunno, what's the world coming to?
Number 2 puts a whole new slant on the old Xmas joke 'meet me under the Christmas tree and I'll kiss you under the balls.....'
I know, I'm going straight to hell....
oh. my. gawd.
this post is hilarious!!
don't be swayed by nay-sayers, jen. you put a very nice disclaimer at the top.
which, of course, makes me read the post very carefully not to miss any of the good parts. heh heh
love, love, love your charity choice today!! <3
ps. ohmygosh! my WV is upfunti!! anonymous @10:31 has something stuck upfunti.
Your post today makes me think of one word to sum up the jokes, and I can say this one word and those who know will laugh and those who don't will remain confused.
Megamaid.
<--- A church lady who LOVED today's post! I'm with Anonymus 10:45--disclaimers are the perfect solution, not only because some of us need to prepare ourselves for things that may be just a tad "blue", but also because I work in an office with no walls and everything I see needs to be strictly SFW!
If you find yourself blushing, think of it this way: the more the errors of these bakers' FunDoll-replicating ways is publicized, the less likely that the bakers will unwittingly make these sorts of mistakes. Therefore, the less chance these cakes will show up at Walmart, where the kids will point and say "I WANT!"
WV: Rersore. Oh, my!
What I want to know is, what is John Lennon doing on a Santa cake?
Just wanted to say thanks for the Doctors Without Borders tip - I donated on their Canadian website since I'm a canuck!
I donated through the DWB website; $20 to add to the total!
Either these Wreckerators were completely clueless or they really need to get their minds out of the gutter. Either way these cakes are gross.
Cake #2 reminds me of my husband's last "girlfriend" before he met me.
Anonymous for obvious reasons
Head's up! You're funny! I could hardly swallow my coffee because I was choking back laughter. Nice.
The first Santa's eyes reminded me of Charles Christopher (http://www.abominable.cc). Although CC is way cuter.
The rest...Oh, dear. I'd almost rather have Poodolph than these!
Hooray--so glad your charity aligned with mine. Thanks for providing an opportunity for people to easily donate to so many worthy causes.
"Santa: the party cupcake". So, so wrong.
John's handy breakdown of the Interwebs.
98% Pornography
1.9999% People hurting themselves.
.0000% Funny cakes that are only vaguely naughty because of the commentary.
There is no boss in the world who would ever see you looking at Cake Wrecks and think it was obscene or suggestive in any way. Even on the dirtiest of posts.
They are Santa cakes with funny mouths. That's it.
*sigh*
john
oh me oh my... makes me wonder what santa is hiding under that frosty beard o his.
at least we know why he's always blushing
ack!
...does anyone else think it's crazy that a "Party Cupcake" is $24.99? I mean, a cake, sure, but a Cupcake???
AH MAH GAH! Amazing. I laughed so hard I got in trouble at work.
oh my, the nostalgia. i can almost remember the days when, rather than screaming with laughter erm, hard enough to wake up the cat, i would have simply stared blankly at the screen and think "yeha, they're pretty bad, and those lips are kinda weird, but i don't get what's so funny." i think i actually prefer it this way though, even if my stomach doesn't thank me.
--mal
Ofcourse the post today was too too funny, but i am writing to say that I have never heard of Doctors Without Borders before today. That is a way cool thing for them to be doing and for anyone who helps. Thank you Jen and John for all that you are doing.
Santa #1 looks like he's been hitting the spiked eggnog with those rosy cheeks and is about to molest someone under a mistletoe....Maybe he thinks that's what the holly is he put on his hat.
#2 is SCARY. The color, that mouth, the shocked look in its eyes....sex slave santa doll is not looking too happy there.
#3: is he mad? is he confused? (like why is he in a heart shaped pan for xmas) or maybe he's wondering why people keep looking at his phallic nose funny....
#4 with the weird beard--isn't he the store manager from the movie "Elf" with Colin Farrell? The one that had to sit in for the "not the real Santa" store Santa after Buddy the Elf fought with him?
#5: I can't decide if I like his beard or not. reminds me a little of Captain Davy Jones (Pirates of Caribbean). meanwhile, ditto commentary for blow doll Santa #2.
"Brown lips, chocolate chips - gee, who could ask for anything more?"
Ex-cuuuuuuse me, but that would be chocolate CHIP, I don't see any indication that there's more than one in that wreck.
LOL @ MarliO & Kelly & Caroline & several Anons (esp. 12:12 p.m.!)
Megamaid! "oh no! she's gone from suck to blow!" *snicker*
that first Santa looks like he's watching porn. the blush, the big eyes, the sense of amusement.... maybe he's watching the other santas get it on. a santa orgy! eww!
I'll never look at the big guy the same way again! I wonder what input the dwarves would have on this...they are SHORT, too. just the right height for hanky panky....
Why am I now thinking about all of those blow up Santa's I see dotting my neighborhood?
Did anyone else notice that Santa #4 has beard INSIDE his mouth?
After the warning, I was looking forward to some good bawdiness...I kinda thought you went a little light on us. What does that say about me? Or does it say more about those that were offended? Hmm...a bit of both, methinks.
Scary/hilarious "cakes".
Wreck on.
FINALLY cakes that address mommy's Santa Clause fetish! LOL wow, just wow! Thumbs up Jen, keep up the good work:-D
I'll have a bluuuuue Christmas with Santaaaaaa;)
I would like to suggest Feeding America (formerly Second Harvest) as a charity, if you are still taking suggestions. They help combat hunger here in America. It is truly surprising how many people right here in the US are starving.
http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx?SHOW_SHOV=1
That one Santa has the mouth of an inflatable love doll!
I don't know... I think Santa #1's lips are all puffy after kissing all those mommies underneath the misteltoe that night!
And #3's nose is a little, um, well...