These 9 Bakery Windows Are All The Warning You'll Ever Need

I'm always amazed by the amount of cake wrecks in shop windows. It's almost as if the bakers themselves are trying to warn us off, in an "abandon hope, all ye who enter here" kind of way.

That or they're operating a secret meth lab in back, and don't want customers wandering in.

Either way, can't say they didn't warn us!

Even Elmo is afraid to stop smiling. No sudden moves, anyone.

Nothing says, "just stack that anywhere" quite like this bakery's...pink...thing:

Are those stitches?

Alrighty, then.

Don't worry; it's probably not mold:

And these eyes do not - I repeat, do NOT - follow you when you turn around:

0.o

If you stand there long enough, I hear this shop will send someone out to loudly explain it's a sand castle, and let's see YOU do any better, thank you very much:

You must admit, the bursting confetti sprays from the "towers" are inspired.

...by something DIRTY.

heyoooooo

Someone tells me this is supposed to be a pork pie:

Appetizing.

And this is either a floating circus tent, or a cooking pot smashed on top of an octopus:

Either way, way to appeal to the masses, guys.

This next one tells the tale of Chompers, the molar-stealing clown who sends kids to their deaths on a rickety old roller coaster:

...but Chompers also raises miniature horses, so you know he has a sensitive side.

Of course, sometimes you don't need display cakes to grab attention.
Sometime you just need a cunning shop name:

That, or a cunning linguist.

Thanks to Wendee, Anna A., Becka D., Elise H., D.C., Karen, Niki B., Norah B., Mic N., & Cunnilicious Cakes, which is NOT an erotic bakery, but has apparently never googled that word.

[grin]

PS - you should probably turn on your safe search first.

*****

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Ode To Honest Wreckers

We've all seen it.

So.

Many.

Times.

Bakers with delusions of competency.

Yes, these professionals lure in clients with pretty pictures and promises, only to shatter their pastry pipe dreams with poor planning and pathetic, um... skills.

That's why I'd like to thank all the bakers out there who proudly let their wreck flags fly, showing us exactly what to expect when we order from them.

In fact, I wrote you a poem, honest bakers.

[ahem hem hem]

Thank you for your honesty
In building your display

Your heap of melty sugar
Should scare us all away

And thanks for making it easy
To choose another store

Not that I don't appreciate
Some good ol' fashioned gore

Thanks for guiding blushing brides
With wisdom past their years:

That any wedding cake from you
Will only end in tears.

And thanks for being straightforward,
I expected nothing less.

You put it all right out there
With your drippy race car mess.

Thanks to you for having
the courage to admit

That when you try to decorate
It's going to look like... really, really bad.

Thanks to Lesley B., Laura S., Anony M., Tiffany M., Martha C., & Jenna M. for dropping a load of truth on us.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.