These 9 Bakery Windows Are All The Warning You'll Ever Need
January 25, 2016 I'm always amazed by the amount of cake wrecks in shop windows. It's almost as if the bakers themselves are trying to warn us off, in an "abandon hope, all ye who enter here" kind of way.
That or they're operating a secret meth lab in back, and don't want customers wandering in.
Either way, can't say they didn't warn us!
;)
Even Elmo is afraid to stop smiling. No sudden moves, anyone.
Nothing says, "just stack that anywhere" quite like this bakery's...pink...thing:
;)
Are those stitches?
Alrighty, then.
Don't worry; it's probably not mold:
;)
And these eyes do not - I repeat, do NOT - follow you when you turn around:
;)
0.o
If you stand there long enough, I hear this shop will send someone out to loudly explain it's a sand castle, and let's see YOU do any better, thank you very much:
;)
You must admit, the bursting confetti sprays from the "towers" are inspired.
...by something DIRTY.
heyoooooo
Someone tells me this is supposed to be a pork pie:
;)
Appetizing.
And this is either a floating circus tent, or a cooking pot smashed on top of an octopus:
;)
Either way, way to appeal to the masses, guys.
This next one tells the tale of Chompers, the molar-stealing clown who sends kids to their deaths on a rickety old roller coaster:
;)
...but Chompers also raises miniature horses, so you know he has a sensitive side.
Of course, sometimes you don't need display cakes to grab attention.
Sometime you just need a cunning shop name:
;)
That, or a cunning linguist.
Thanks to Wendee, Anna A., Becka D., Elise H., D.C., Karen, Niki B., Norah B., Mic N., & Cunnilicious Cakes, which is NOT an erotic bakery, but has apparently never googled that word.
[grin]
PS - you should probably turn on your safe search first.
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Reader Comments (61)
Ugh, way to keep me off of carbs Dx
I think they meant pork n beans pie. Want to argue? Just go in knowing that I'm a master debater.
Hmmmmm, so that's why the drapes are drawn on the last cake shop's windows.
I looked up Cunnilicious Cakes because I was sure they must be an X-rated bakery making X-rated cakes, but the only rating I could find was their Food Hygiene Rating of 5 which, I am told, is very good. So way to go, Cunnilicous! I'm guessing Elmo's bakery wasn't so successful.
#1 reminds me of the shag carpet toilet tank cover things I remember from the 70s.
#2 seems to have a paper doily on top of the chocolate layer
#3 . . . I got nothin'
#4 might give me nightmares
#5 is a sandcastle cake like I'm in total control of my hair. "If you say so..."
#6 is a Pork N Beans pie, if anything
#7 could be a bean pot trying to kill a Krakken.
#8 has a number on the roller coaster car. Does it represent the age of the intended recipient, or the number of victims of Chompers?
#9 just sounds dirty, and I am certain it wasn't an innocent mistake.
Oh dear God, a cake covered in baked beans! 😕
I have no words.
1. Dante's Inferno.
2. Now you need to do a Sunday Sweets post with sandcastles (or if you've already done one, send the link to that bakery...)
"I was thinking of getting one of those stacked cakes where the layers are at all different angles. Can you do that?"
(Baker waves arm toward display)
"So that would be a 'no' then."
I thought those were stitches too, even before I read the caption!
I laughed out loud at the pot smashing an octopus (and I'm with @Moira -- a bean pot smashing a krakken!) then I got to Chompers and truly lost it. I'm going to have nightmares about Chompers tonight and thats' no kidding. That cake is reminiscent of American horror Story Freak Show!!
The baked beans are Jelly Belly's, so at least it's still "sweet."
Anyone else notice that apparently Thomas the Tank Engine also has "bulked up" to protect the store? His face so tiny compared to rest of block body. (He's in pic of pink... Uh... Tower).
Oh, they TOTALLY knew what they were doing naming their bakery that.
Oh, you used my favorite James Bond witty line. I told my mother the cunning linguist joke, and she said, "you're not old enough to understand that joke" (I was 25). Loved that Miss Moneypenney.
1. Elmo on the "throne"
2. Thomas is looking scared at going through that pass
3. Yep, it's mold
4. Don't lie. Those eyes DO follow you.
5. Sandcastles my hiney
6. PLEASE tell me why they felt the need to dump pork n beans on a cake
7. I got nothing
8. Nothing But Trouble! Where's the bone stripper? (and Dan Aykroyd's nose?)
I'm impressed by the cunning stunt the last one pulled.
I cannot help but wonder about the pink thing: The "Thing" is horrible and showing no craft at all - but stacking it and keeping it together is not easy, either. How did they manage it???
The pork pie really is a pie full of pork. I saw this on the Great British Baking Show. Here's what one actually looks like:
http://www.lovefood.com/guide/recipes/10803/melton-mowbray-style-pork-pie-
So, I'm wondering if this is a meat pie made of cake?
And also wondering why it has beans spilled all over it. Yuck.
Elmo is smiling in spite of his flat legs! Did someone pipe all those stars, though? That must have taken a lot of work.
#6 is a Scotch pie, filled with minced lamb and grease, and is a great favourite here in Scotland :-) Why anyone would want a cake made to look like one, I have no idea...
I'm sure the stitches are supposed to be rose stems.
The 'pork pie' is a Scottish meat pie with beans, a traditional way to serve the pie. Look it up. :-)
I think it's Boston baked beans in a bean pot.
That bakery's name is hilarious.
Fun fact: there is a nail salon in Portland called "Fingerbang".
Not kidding. Google it.
The pie cake is a scotch pie and beans with gravy that's how we eat them here in Scotland lol and not a bad representation when you know what it is :)
Number 6 is meant to be a traditional scotch pie served with beans, and it's really good work! (If it was a really well executed hamburger cake it would be in suday sweets!)
#7 looks like it might be a fishing bobber with worms dangling from it
I want to state as a born and bred Leicestershire lass: that isn't a pork pie! That looks more like a scotch pie to me. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_pie
I know that this is the least of the bakery's problems but bespoke and custom mean the same thing. They are not cunning linguists at all.
Well, I found a link to some pics of cakes that Cunninglicious Cakes have done and while the name may be a bit offkilter, I have to admit to being impressed by what I saw on Instagram:
http://heycafes.co.uk/0340890/images/
(Although the towers on her Frozen castle kind of remind me of those joke thingies people give out at bachelorette parties that are meant to cover the groom's..ahem...standout features)
Elmo is not tickled.
And what a CREATIVE way to get rid of pesty octopi! Yeah...creative. I'm going with that.
The sandcastle cake makes me think of Katy Perry's fireworks boobs.
It's not a tent or a pot....it's a fishing bobber. That tells you if a fish is nibbling on your bait.
The headhunters caught Thomas the Train! His shrunken head will follow me in nightmares for years. Speaking of nightmares, who made that clown monstrosity for a child's birthday? Clowns, scary haunted roller coasters with ghosts, giant chomping teeth and some kind of sad, beaten animals foraging for food in a barren, blackened field? This is the worst cake for a two year old that I can imagine.
I had to Google Cunnilicious Cakes, and found this mention from British Sandwich Week. Apparently there's a shop called Bulging Baps as well. Mentioned on the same page as Cunnilicious Cakes. Tee hee. https://mobile.twitter.com/westhamrodders/status/466237037516193793
Funny...I don't remember Margot Kidder being in "Avatar."
Re the final picture:
Baldrick- I have a plan, sir
Blackadder- really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?
Baldrick- yes, sir.
Blackadder- as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?
I love the cooking pot smashed onto an octopus! That made me laugh out loud and now I am going to request that for my next birthday! Hope my bakery can do it justice. Thanks for your great posts. You never fail to make my day!
I'd argue that "Two Girls and a Cupcake" is the worst bakery name.
What a name. Really rolls off the tongue...
Found it.
The owner of Cunnilicious Cakes is Nicole Cunningham. So the play on words is obviously deliberate but a little odd when the bakery you are opening isn't specializing in erotica.
And some of her cakes could qualify for Sunday Sweets.
https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=cunnilicious%20cakes
As to the window-worthy cakes in this post, while they're all bad (except the Scotch Pie), the moldy one and Chompers really made me say "ewwwwww" and the poor, squashed octopus made me laugh.
Yup the pie is actually a scotch pie and traditionally servd with beans, it is a near perfect representation and really good work ! not a wreck!
Picture yourself with a half-steamrolled Muppet
On a train with a face near a Frankencake pile
Somebody calls you; you answer quite slowly
A cake with eyes colored like bile.
Cellophane "fireworks" and Flotsam abound,
Frosting and "pork" are combined!
Look for the clown with the ponies and teeth,
Then begone!
Octopus or Kraken with cookpot?
Bobber or plunger, indeed?
Octopus or Kraken with circus tent?
It's all a mystery to meeee....
Oh man. Poor Elmo. He sat on the toilet so long his legs stretched lol. Wow and that bakery name is probably snickered at by any person that knows what the other word is lol.
JMixx ftw. This site is so darned educational! I'd heard of Scotch eggs and plain ol' Scotch, but not Scotch pie.
Uh-oh... looks like we've got a Scotch Pie Epcot going on here. But PLEASE DON'T bring one of those *things* to the bunker (yuk)!
Nothing to do with food, but there's an art gallery in York called Booboracum. Knowing that the Roman name for York was Eboracum doesn't make it any better.
Um...the braid on the witch/elf/donkey is nice?!? Chompers is a cake that will give you nightmares - yikes!
Thomas looks really roided up!
As for the bakery name, I can't imagine the owner having the last name of Cunningham and NOT knowing what the first part of her name would be associated with. She must have skipped middle school entirely.
Lost amongst everything else is "Hapoy Birthday" is written in blood on that black field of despair that Chompers occupies.
I think Jen and the wreckerator has inspired a new horror movie franchise.
#9 All our products guaranteed hair-free. Honest!
Hey! You shared my photo!
Yes, it is a Scotch pie (picture was taken in Glasgow, so it is a Scots Scotch Pie).They are shaped like a british Pork Pie because that is just what meat pies look like here. The filling was mutton in the old days, and but these days they are beef. The hot pie comes topped with baked beans when you buy one in a pub as a hot snack. It actually is well done cake, even if, to Americans,it looks awful.