Bake a Cake, Diss A Vow

Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.

So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.

Or misspell it, as the case may be.

Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press on the first tier, but then gave up and free-handed the rest. And how "forword" is misspelled. And that "for worse" is left off. Now note the spacing. And the colors. And the...oh, are you ready to move on?

I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?

No. Just...no.

Jessica wanted the writing on her cake to match the font of their invitations, so she brought in this handy reference picture:

She also asked that the roses be made of icing.

Drum roll, please!

I especially like the roses. Classy.

I think this one's my favorite, though:

Give it a minute.

Let it all sink in. Or line up. Or whatever.

Now, at first I thought the baker had stacked these in the wrong order, since it kind of looks like the top tier connects with the bottom one. When I saw the back, though, I realized:

I actually have no idea what is going on with this cake.

And finally, a tip for all your wedding wreckage:

The uglier it is, the more you should emphasize the word "beautiful."

Perfect.

Thanks to our wedding wreckporters Leslie F., Meagan R., Joe D., Jessica S., Angela C., & HickBride, who are all da bomb. But not Jägerbombs. 'Cuz that'd be weird.

Oh! So THAT's Why There's No Mail!

Today we here in the U.S. celebrate our first president's birthday.

But more importantly...

[ripping off coat to reveal red, white, and blue sequin-covered jumpsuit]

...we celebrate America.

Hit it, Christina!

Um, well, I think that's supposed to be "whose"...

"Paroles?" Is this song about a prison break?

*sigh*

I've just spent 10 seconds trying to pronounce "hallulliah," and I can't stop laughing. Help.

[regaining composure] Ahem.

And now, in honor of George Washington and the day of his birth, let's see some starfish doing the tango.

That's for you, George.

And, since some people think Washington's family crest actually helped inspire the red and white stripes on Old Glory, let's take a moment to spotlight the care and respect bakers still show our nation's flag today:

The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence.

Yessir, I think ol' George would have liked these bakers, with their real American values and their real American piping bags. After all, if there's one thing real Americans know, it's the shape of their own country.

Dibs on Toronto.

Thanks to today's real American heroes Ember P., Terra F., Aziza, & Jill W.