When Cake Becomes a Crime

Most wrecks are funny. Some are tragic. A few even make us cringe.

But then there's another kind of wreck: A wreck so heinous, so warped, so jaw-droppingly wrong, that it is a crime against humanity itself. These wrecks' very existence should be a punishable offense.

You know, stuff like this:

My apologies to those of you with weaker constitutions; I know how hard this is to look at.

What's that? You don't think butchering the Enterprise in this manner is a crime worthy of judicial condemnation? Really?

Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.

Well, fine, then. I'm sure you'll at least agree that this next one deserves the old heave-ho:

There she blows! (Chunks, that is.)

"That glistening pile is quite retch-ed, wouldn't you say, Ralph?"

"Ug, thanks for bringing that up, Chuck."

I'm also starting to think that black icing should be a controlled substance:

You know, have it locked up in the back somewhere, with a designated icing distributor on-site.

[twirling police baton] "So you want some icing, eh? And what will you be using it for?
A black smeary pit to stick plastic butterflies in?
Yeah, forget it, bub. Move along."

Admit it: That would be awesome.

Another common cake crime is the use of edible photo paper. Sure, a few cake artists can wield this WMD without causing wide-spread horror and gnashing of teeth, but most bakers use it to further the cause of chaos and evil.

And by "chaos and evil," I of course mean former Baywatch babes:

Busted!

I'm not sure which is scarier: the icing "hair," the obvious disregard for neck transitions, or the fact that these are actually the correct proportions for Pamela Anderson's body. [shudder]

Becky D., Rebecca I., Frances & Chris O., and Amanda I., if Brownie Husband ever becomes a reality, then I guess this won't seem so bad, huh?

- Related Wreckage: Guess Who!

Sunday Sweets: Gettin' Crafty

I looove crafts. I'll try just about any of them at least once before getting frustrated and giving it up. Open-minded but impatient: that's me!

Well, today's Sweets all have elements that look like needlework, or knitting, or papercraft, etc - but they're all completely edible. Very cool. Promise.

Here we go!

I've done cross stitch since I was 12, but the few times I tried actual needlework/embroidery it turned out...well...let's just say not nearly as pretty as this:

(Submitted by Libby G. & made by Dragonsanddoffodils)

So now I know: Next time, try it with icing.

Oh, and speaking of cross stitch, check THIS out:

(Submitted by Jen. Baker unknown)

I was just reading a tutorial on this in a recent issue of ICES. There are molds for the cross stitch cloth, and then you pipe the tiny stitches using royal icing. Even this close, it looks just like the real thing! Plus, you can use any cross stitch pattern. Very cool.

I'm not sure which craft this next one would be, exactly, but I love how it looks like a heavy fabric wrapped loosely around the cake:

(Sub'd by Jennie S. & made by The Cakemaker)

That's actually rolled white chocolate. Great use of texture.

For you quilters out there:

(Sub'd by Bernise C., made by Heather C. & her friend Carol)

Patchwork quilting, that is. It looks so soft, like the whole cake is really a huggable plush!

How about some crochet?

Pretty, right? Ah, but wait until you see a close up of that christening gown:

(Made Cake Central member sweetpea8)

That is ALL ICING, y'all. Hand-piped to mimic the crocheting of the real christening gown. For realz. Wowza.

Ever try quilling? I did (once), and the results can be so pretty; delicate and intricate. You basically takes tiny strips of paper and wind and twist them into shapes. One of the best quilling artists I've ever seen is Yulia Brodskaya - just look how gorgeous:

So now that you know what it is, can you spot the quilling on this cake?

(Sub'd by Heidi M. & made by the Vanilla Pastry Studio)

Even some of the flowers look like curled paper - and the others are like ribbon and fabric. So, so pretty.

Sweet Assignment: Next week I'll be featuring Fashion Sweets: gorgeous dresses, fabrics, accessories, or anything couture-inspired. Have one to nominate? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com!

- Similar Sweets: That Takes the Cake, Pt 1