Well Met, Helmet

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:

Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Why, just look at the terror in their eyes:

Or you could confuse them with the abstract method:

"And that little pile of poo is a fleur de lis!"

[other team's minds exploding]

You could also try a little more Sparta than Super Bowl:

Hey, a football field is 300 feet.

And remember, when all else fails, try the ultimate offensive play:

Peeping Tom Brady. [shudder]

Thanks to Tim M., Cassidy S., Hunter F., Molly M., Erica B., Dena G., Amy K., & Lisa K., who think someone really should tell Giselle.

D-Scripted

It's National Handwriting Day! That's right, it's time again to take a moment to appreciate the handcrafted artistry that is personal penmanship.

Or...not.

Hey, three 'P's for effort!

Hmmm. Ok, so maybe you Wreckerators could use a few tips. Nothing major, of course; just a few simple techniques that even a trained possum could perform to make your piped penmanship a ptad prettier. (Of course, pastry possums are hard to come by these days, so you'll just have to do.)

- Try, try again.

If your first attempt is less than stellar, just go over it again with a darker color.

Of course, only go over those areas that really need it.

- Turn it around.

Everything looks neater upside down.

- Hide it.

Using an identical background color will effectively camouflage any snafoo.

- Keep 'em guessing.

Is that thing a butterfly, a flower, a shamrock, or something else entirely? Who knows? The important thing is your clients will be too preoccupied guessing to notice your wrecked up writing.

- Move to an earthquake-prone region.

This provides handy excuses in a pinch.

And finally,

- Quit while you're ahead.

Or just quit, as the case may be.

Thanks to Andrea B., Raymond P., Megan R., Tanya R., Jessica, Westly W., Kelley B., Zachary S., and Julie B., who know that quitting is the better part of valor. Or something.