Blandle... OF JOY

You might think with all the wrecks I see each day I'd get a little jaded, but the truth is I'm constantly finding new favorites to show the cats. (And then we laugh and laugh and have a little more of this here happy juice. Good times.)

In fact, this is my new favorite baby shower cake:

Why, you ask?

Well, for a start: "Congratoletionsj." C'mon.

Next, it's painfully obvious that the first baker stopped writing after "blandle," forcing someone else to come along later and write "OF JOY!"

Which is kind of like tripping during a tap dance routine, falling off the stage into the orchestra pit - destroying the entire percussion section in the process - and then, while the audience is still waiting in shell-shocked horror to see if you're still alive, popping up and throwing some frantic jazz hands for the big finish.

Can't you see it?

[jazz hands] "OF JOY!!"

Oh, and did I mention the "blandle" bit? 'Cuz while I'm not sure what that actually is, I'm pretty sure this must be one:

A butt? A belly? A headless, armless infant contortionist?

Nope.

It's a BLANDLE, bee-yotches. Yep, you heard it here first. Tell your friends. (If only to warn them.)

And while you're at it, tell John I needs me some more happy juice. Ring-a-ding-ding, farm boy!

[dropping mic]

PEACE. I'm out.

Thanks to Erin N., Shelley P., Tonks, Lily, Mr. Snugglypants, Mrs. Whiskertickins, Sir Fuzzyknickerbottoms, & Oosawiddlewoveypiekins for being such a great audience.

Let's Play Telephone!

Ladies and gentlemen, the stories you're about to see are true. The phone calls, however, are just how I imagined they went.

"Yes, I'd like it to say 'Happy 6th Birthday Robert.' Oh, and could you put Spider-Man on the cake, too? That's his favorite character."

You're welcome, lady!

"Just have it say 'Happy Birthday Keith & Arianna,' please."

[writing down order] "Nooo problem, sir. And what kind of decorations would you like?"

"Oh, whatever. I trust you guys."

Foolish man.

"Could you write, 'Happy birthday cake, Chloe'?"

[confused look]

"Yes, seriously. She's three years old."

"Ohhh kay. You really want me to write that?"

"Yeah. See, she never says just 'happy birthday,' she always says 'happy birthday cake.'"

"Oh, I get it! Ok, sure, no problem."

*facepalm*

"And what message would you like on your cookie cake?"

"Oh, this isn't for any special occasion. Although if you could put sprinkles on it, that'd be cool."

Cool.

"Have it say, 'Happy birthday, Mike.'"

Is there an echo in here?

"Just put 'Happy birthday, Stephanie.' Thanks!"

Kinda makes you want to yell, "I'm an idiot!!" doesn't it?

Thanks to Joanna B., Sheri, Jodee W., Genevieve, Melissa M., Stephanie R. for literally being my most recent wreckporters.