Baffling Star Wars Wrecks That Demand Answers

May the 4th is coming, young padawans, so this is the perfect time to ask something about Star Wars that's been bugging me for YEARS.

::dramatic pause::

What the heck is up with this cake design?

It's supposed to look like that. I checked.

As you can see, it's a weirdly patriotic, abstract, head-floaty situation.

The dot pattern shifts around almost as much as the official explanation for midi-chlorians.

"No, really, they were there all along, Luke." #DealWithIt

And why the candy cane stripes? Why these colors? WHY DARTH VADER'S HEAD? What does it all meeeean?

Granted, Strangers Things have happened.

Heyoooo.

Darth Demogorgon: The Empire Turned Upside Down.

While we're talking here, maybe one of you can tell me what these are:

All I see are fish. I'm so confused.

Which brings me to the ULTIMATE baffling Star Wars design. This thing's got it all: Abstract explosions. A kiddy pool. Darth attacking bird droppings. And of course, more dots.

[whispering] It's a Masterpiece of Mystery.

So in conclusion, minions:

May the fourth is coming.

Brace yourselves.

And thanks to M.L., Anne, Autumn A., Ruthie G., Anony M., Hilary G., & Brent K. for reminding us to use the forks. Otherwise icing gets everywhere.

*****

Do you shop Amazon? Then how about clicking through my affiliate link to shop? USA, UK, Canada.

 Visiting Amazon through those links will help support the site, and costs you nothing. Thanks, guys!

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Cinco De Mayo Madness

This Sunday is Cinco de Mayo! Or, as it's known in the original Spanish, [rolling Rs dramatically] Cinco de Mayo.

As you may know, Cinco is about celebrating Mexican heritage, culture, and those big yellow hats drunk people wear:

What you may not know is that Cinco is also a celebration of drippy cheese volcanoes:

"But it's MY drippy cheese volcano. Nachos."

Plus... submarines?

Yeesh, it's like trying to read hieroglyphics. What do you suppose "sperm" "3" "Mayo" means?

Which reminds me: what does happen when a baker can't fit the word "Cinco," and decides to use the number instead?

Well, as Reginald here found out, that depends on if the baker knows how many "Cinco" is:

SO CLOSE.

And finally, for your Cinco de Mayo pleasure:

What appears to be angry organ meat...

...on the beach...

...playing maracas.

I am terrified beyond the capability for rational thought.

Olé!

Thanks to Colin W., Alicia, Joanna A., Reginald R., & John M. for the real Cinco Swim situation.

*****

Do you shop Amazon? Then how about clicking through my affiliate link to shop? USA, UK, Canada.

 Visiting Amazon through those links will help support the site, and costs you nothing. Thanks, guys!

And from my other blog, Epbot: