Ken Day Come-Ons: The Squelching
March 13, 2019 And now, our yearly tradition continues...
[dimming lights]
[queuing up sexy saxophone music]
[adjusting Speedo]
Hey, Bebeh.
;)
Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.
;)
Except maybe that one.
(Never again, Cancun. NEVER AGAIN.)
That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:
;)
Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.
Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:
;)
I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]
What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking?
Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?
;)
I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.
(*That one's for you, decorators.)
These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.
Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:
;)
Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.
[grunting]
[squelching noises]
Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:
;)
Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS.
Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.
;)
[jiggle jiggle]
Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.
*****
A few years ago, after John and I first published this post, we received an e-mail from readers Charity and Royce. That e-mail contained an audio file. An audio file that, once played, would change our lives forever.
Or at least make us laugh like hyenas for a good five minutes.
So today, for your wrecking pleasure, we present that audio, combined with our original visuals. Turn up the volume, and ENJOY.
Note from john (thoJ): When I was making this video, I pitched down Royce's voice just a bit for sexiness. When I showed Jen, she asked if I could pitch it way UP. The result is, if possible, even more hysterical.
So I present to you... The chipmunk version!
*****
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And from my other blog, Epbot:
Reader Comments (10)
1) I pity that poor sheep he's lying on, especially if he farts.
2) So Ken's now a cross-dresser, but he doesn't look angry.
3) If he keeps leaning back like that, he'll need a chiropractor soon.
4) Maybe that's glasses of paprika and cayenne, so Ken and his fling will have a spicy and hot time on the slab.
5) "Come lounge with me at my bed and breakfast".
6) Maybe this is the new version of cement overshoes, because he crossed the mob.
7) Ken is now a scantily clad football referee, huh? It's a good thing Barbie isn't around. I could see him using the signal for illegal use of hands.
8) That's a wrap! (A bum wrap)
Priceless... just priceless...
Next year... "The Squelch-en-ing"?
OMG it’s Gay Rave Ken!! (The one with the mesh shirt)
I'm at work, so I can't watch the videos, but the captions made me laugh so hard my secretary came back to check on me. I had tears running down my cheeks. I am a bad example of a hard worker today, but it was worth it! Thanks Jen and John!!
I can't decide which audio I like better, they both add their own distinctive...flavor?... [Actually rolling on the floor laughing!]
Wow, that is one place I would not like to have icing.
Also, is Satin Ice Sheet Ken wearing a towel?
"Enormous glass of ketchup" makes me howl every time!
Oh my gosh... I am dying here the neighbors probably think a hyena moved in here at this rate lol.
Just writing to say I really appreciated the Satin I’ve home. Teehee. You WrocK my world! ❤️