The Bad, The Bad, And The Badder
March 7, 2018 The following cakes were made by professionals, and paid for with actual money.
Do not adjust your screen.
Vicky W. wanted this cake, only in pink and white.
;)
Hm. I wonder how it turned out?
Oh, that's right! This is Cake Wrecks.
BAM!
;)
This next cake is not the wreck.
;)
It's actually what Mary J's half sister's other sister* wanted for her wedding.
(*cousin's nephew's roommate...)
Which Mary J's half sister's other sister apparently bought at a donut shop.
;)
Okay, time for some hard truths here. Are you ready? Here goes:
If your baker makes most of her money selling donuts,
MAYBE DON'T GET YOUR WEDDING CAKE THERE.
(King cakes should be fine, though.)
(OH SNAP!!!)
And finally, Elydia B. writes:
"My wedding was like a fairy tale. The cake was supposed to be from a very prestigious bakery in Tuscany..."
Wait, Tuscany? Like in Italy? Well, since I'm an American and everything I know about Italy involves designer clothes, expensive shoes, and bright red sports cars, I have to assume that the cake would be amazin...
"...but it was like the wicked stepmother portion of the fairy tale!"
AH. Right, then. So here's what she wanted:
;)
Nice! I like how they digitally added in Elydia's monogram for this mock-up; really speaks to a high talent and prof... wait, you added that, Elydia? Oh.
Oh my.
;)
Since I'm speechless, I'll let Elydia finish:
"The cake that we got is about twice the size of me..."
(Hey, the more the merrier, right?)
"...but was a thin layer of cake with STYROFOAM below each layer of the Cool Whip-type frosting."
(Oh. Um. Crunchy?)
"They took one hydrangea and broke it up into four pieces."
(A hydrangea? Where?)
"Honestly, I thought it was a practical joke!"
(Did you check if those "hydrangeas" were actually parsley garnishes from the salad bar? Because if so, then you were TOTALLY punk'd.)
Well, let that be a lesson to you, brides: always sniff your hydrangeas, and never... uh... yeah I got nuthin'.
*****
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Reader Comments (21)
Love the inverted flower pot on top. Nice touch… NOT!
The first cake looks like the leaning tower of Pinksa.
The second cake looks like it's opening its mouth to say something. (Maybe like, "Get a picture of my "good" side for Cake Wrecks").
The third cake - nice job of stacking the hat boxes.
O...M...G O_o
The top layer of the last cake looks like it was baked in a flowerpot.
Is the top of the Tuscan 'beauty' an upturned flowerpot by chance?
The fourth cake down...(white, with the mustard garnish) seems to be trying to speak...
Let me help:
"I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!"
...It can't SEE, either. (Who's lucky, here? HUH?)
=^-.-^=
I bet Styrofoam circles with cool whip frosting taste better than those stupid rice cakes we all ate in the 90s trying to lose weight.
As an American Baker currently living in Italy I can say that I have never seen an Italian wedding have a wedding cake like how we do in the States, so maybe the prestigious bakery just didn't know what they were doing? Maybe they weren't prestigious as the bride thought? Also, Hydrangeas are poisonous so maybe they did the Styrofoam so the flower didn't actually touch anything that was to be eaten? I mean, I straight up tell my customers that I wont use poisonous flowers. I DO NOT want that law suit. That poor bride. Hopefully one day they can look back on the day and just laugh.
The top layer of the Tuscany cake- is that an inverted flower pot?
Styrofoam, eh? I guess that explains why the top layer of the Tuscany wrecks looks like a styrofoam coffee cup.The floralized doily on top of it - is that meant to represent the bouquet??
Not that this helps, but they probably used a green hydrangea.
I want to see how they cut the styrofoam cake.
If not a flower pot, then surely a quart ice cream tub.
honestly! None of those cakes are all that complicated. I can understand messing up a "Wilton Special", but a plain fondant cake with a few flowers? Yeesh. And a monogram that is too tall for the layers? What, what, WHAT!! (And I don't think it's a flower pot; it's a Styrofoam coffee cup.
Paid for? I hope NOT!
The pink layer in the first cake: I was unaware they made pieces of gum that large.
That last cake: Well, CLEARLY it's difficult to get cake into perfect shapes, so of COURSE they would have to use styrofoam! Did you want it to look good or taste good? It can't be both, silly!
(Alas, this one is neither…)
I really hope they all got refunds on these especially that last cake. Wow just wow. I truly am speechless lol.
I'm with Libby -- European bakers simply don't DO American-style decorated cakes. For a baker who probably had never made a cake like this, they did a pretty admirable job (poisonous flowers notwithstanding).
European bakers make phenomenal-looking cakes...if you let them do what they know best how to do.
I lived in Paris for several years, and the only cakes like this I saw were done by an American expat who made her living making American-style cakes for the expat community.
For my first wedding (1993), I bought our wedding cake from the awesome local donut shop (Dom Bakeries, Ypsilanti Michigan, and they're still there!), and it was great. Tasted good, looked good, was even better than what I thought I wanted. So it CAN be done.
If the baker asks "Styrofoam or no styrofoam?" then you have chosen the wrong baker.
I spy with my little eye, a Spaceballs reference.