What The Fern?
December 11, 2018 Far be it from me to question the existence of any cake - it's CAKE, after all - but sometimes, when I'm staring with horrified fascination at a spotted vomitous mass one of you found on a display shelf, I have to ask myself: "Hey, what's that little blue duck doing there?"
;)
We may never know what these bakers are thinking/inhaling behind closed bakery doors, of course, but at least their creations make for some fun cake titles!
You know, like:
The Argyle Dog Beat Poet
;)
"WOMAN. Whoah, man. Whoooooah, MAN.
SHE WAS A THIEF.
YOU GOTTA BE LEAF.
SHE STOLE MY HEART AND MY CAT."
[extinguishes cigarette in sponge beard]
What The Fern?
;)
Is it your houseplant's birthday?
Did you forget to order a custom airbrush portrait?
NO PROBLEM.
This bakery's got you covered!
Suckling Pigs Struggle to Stay Afloat While Mama Stares Wistfully at a Trough of Gigantic Candy Corn:
;)
I'm trying to imagine an occasion for this cookie cake that isn't disturbing.
Trying, and failing.
Death By Trash Can (While a Small Penguin Watches):
;)
"Stanley gaped in horror. Someone had thrown away a perfectly good half-jar of mayonnaise! What was the world coming to?!"
(I'm kind of cheating with this one, since it was probably a custom order. Still, it always amazes me when bakeries use stuff like this to advertise on their websites. Just how big of a market IS there for dead bodies sticking out of trash cans, anyway? Or do I not want to know? o.0)
Of course, even when you do know what the baker was thinking, that's still no guarantee the wreck will make any more sense.
What's that? You want an example?
Aw, I thought you'd never ask.
Sarah T. asked for her wedding cake to look like a mountain, and with a climbing rope tied at the base to signify "tying the knot."
She got this:
;)
Great yodeling lederhosen!!
I will never look at moldy chunks of insulation or albino ears the same way again.
Thanks to Stephen O., Viola D., Jill N., Christy E., Eva F., and Sarah T. for the excuse to use the words "yodeling lederhosen" together. Life achievement, unlocked!
*****
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Reader Comments (30)
That last one is supposed to be a WEDDING cake?! Dear heavens! As for the rest of them, the back stories must be incredible!
1) This reminds me of walking through our local park when the Canada geese are there in large numbers. To quote a song on the old Dr. Demento show, "The Cow Pasture Polka", be careful where you step, step, step.
2) Are you sure that's not a seal instead of a dog? It looks like he's wearing an anemone on his head.
3) This was a cake for a fellow named Phillip. You know, Phil O. Dendron.
4) If these pigs are in the water, how do we know that's not the teeth of some sea monster that's coming to eat them?
5) Deedle, deedle, dumpling, Jen's hubby John.
Went to the trash with no stocking on.
One shoe off and one shoe on.
The penguin offed him in and now he's gone.
6) These bakers just get boulder by the day, don't they? It's obvious this one has more than rocks just in his head. I can see it now. One of these wreckerators gets stoned for his creation. Then Holmes and Watson investigate. Holmes tells Watson he knows what kind of rock did him in. When Watson asks, he says, "Sedimentary, my dear Watson, sedimentary".
I haven’t laughed so hard in a very long time. I’m just glad I’d finished eating breakfast.
The label on the first cake does say “decorator’s choice,” so if the “decorator” wants to add a little blue duck in the corner, who are we to argue?! That duck totally saves that disaster. I didn’t think I could laugh any harder until I saw the wistful pig. But the penguin on the trash can really did me in. I’m just glad the neighbors didn’t hear my shrieks of laughter or they would have had me sent very far away. Never to see Cake Wrecks again.
I have no words for most of these cakes, except what the . . . ?!
I do think that argyle dog cakes need to become a trend - how awesome would that be?
Bhahahahaha! Those were the BEST! Of the worst, of course. And that 2nd one is *obviously* a goat. Or a sheep. Pretty sure it's not a dog. ;-) I'd love to know what the thinking was behind it (it any)!
I think number 3 is supposed to be a pineapple . Love the penguin, so cute
The sad part is that the trash can one is well done, I just can't imagine what type of party calls for that type of cake. O_o
Love the So I Married an Axe Murderer reference!
I really hope Sarah T. didn't pay for that misbegotten...thing. And that she was able to find a decent cake at the last minute. That is way worse than mine. We had a simple sheet cake, but someone at the bakery spilled a bunch of poppy seeds all over it. And of course my dad didn't check it when he picked it up. Mom & I spent about 1/2 an hour picking out the seeds with toothpicks.
I wonder if that argyle dog was supposed to be modeled on Hungarian Herend porcelain, which includes a line of intricately detailed animal figurines, including a lion featured on the official sales website. (http://herend.com/products--stores/figurines?page=2&filter=all&cat_id=14)
Thank you for the laughs. And the "So I Married and Axe Murderer" reference :)
Great yodeling lederhosen!! Has just become my new go to phrase! :)
I can't stop laughing at the mama pig one - it is a wistful stare!
I think I kinda like the argyle beat dog - that needs to become a meme :)
So I Married an Axe Murderer reference for the win!
I am willing to bet #2 was supposed to be a lion, specifically a Bavarian heraldic one, which would at least explain the blue and white lozenges all over him :)
I thought the last one was a display cake that sat in the window for years until I read the explanation.
1. Carl decided that when he got to work, he would try to recreate the cake he had seen in his dream. Unfortunately, the dream was the result of an extra-large pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Carl thought the mushrooms looked odd, but didn't inquire further.
2. When the cake printer runs out of magenta and yellow.
3. Normally, I like cycads. But not when they appear without explanation on a cake.
6. Why does it appear that a noose has been cut. And why are there cotton balls in the background.
The description for that pig cake is spot on...and pants-wettingly funny.
I thought the second cake was trying to be a Jewish animal celebrating chanukah. Blue/white lors, beard, skullcap.
Nothing like well executed what on earth is that cakes! Dead Trash Guy with Penguin is a great "still" life.
Argyle Beat Dog is well done and makes me tilt my head like a dog in confusion!
19 years ago So I married an Axe murderer was the movie we rented from Blockbuster on VHS for our first date. So many things in that sentence make me feel old....but love the reference :)
I can't even imagine the brides face when she saw that cake. Shock and horror would have probably been on mine and I would be frozen staring at it for hours lol. Wow.
I actually love the beat poet dog.
#2 may be based on the Herend figurines, but they are made in natural shapes, with a choice of natural colours or patterning. This one suggests a sheep trying to dress up as a lion for Hannukah. It managed a good tail, but all it had to do the mane were some pieces of sponge and a sea anemone. After one look in the mirror it put on dark glasses and hoped no one would recognise it.
Y'know, that last cake could have worked if the color palate was a little less....penicillinesque.
...On the bright side, Gonzo now has a great new treat for his fungus and mold collection!
As if I couldn't adore you and your blog more than I already do, you go and quote So I Married an Axe Murderer. We must've been best friends in a former life, I swear!
There's a word missing from the description on that first cake: Colorblind Decorator's Choice. Otherwise, I'm not sure what kind of decorator would choose that.
Penguin cake: He's not dead! He's just sleeping very deeply!
*scrolls down to mountain cake*
*prefers to focus on cotton balls in background*
I would totally buy the wistful pig for a Breastfeeding Association party. Every nursing mother knows the feeling of "gee, I'm SO hungry and there's food...just..over..there...dammit can't reach til this kid's finished" Although it's perhaps not advisable to feed triplets in the pool, even if you do have 8 nipples.
Could the trash can cake be a divorce cake? "I finally threw the bum out!"
I don't know, I think that last one is gneiss.