Getting Ahead
January 9, 2018 I've been feeling a bit blah this week. Call it the post-holidays slump (I miss my Christmas tree), call it the winter blues (It's SO FREAKING HOT), call it Al - whatever the reason, I'm more inclined to lie on the couch and cruise Etsy or play Mario Kart than any of my usual, marginally more productive activities.
So, as of right now I've decided to hop on the ol' treadmill desk and write something really positive for once. Something life-affirming. Something cheerful. Something to remind myself I've got nothing to complain about.
Right after I show you this:
;)
(Hint: It's NOT a guy on his hands and knees under a sheet.)
Wait for it...waaaiiit for it...
Ahh, there's the screaming.
And, whaddaya know? I feel better already!
Nope, no complaints here!
Thanks to Anony M. for sharing her winning entry in my unofficial "Worst Christmas Gift Ever" contest. You're a cut above the rest, my friend!
*****
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Reader Comments (88)
The horror....the unspeakable horror. D:
Why always the giant nipples??? Why everything else, of course, but why the giant nipples?
What's with than sideways vagina? I am a midwife: trust me , I've never seen a vagina look like that.
M-mommy? Why does it have hair and eyebrows?
Also, baker needs an anatomy lesson. Unless Mom is deformed.
I wonder if that's supposed to look like the father.
I know you all think you know what this is, a woman's torso giving birth to a full grown, ugly man. But you're wrong. It's some creature, not too unlike the Blob, but with a real mouth. What he's doing is open for debate, though. He's either regurgitating this ugly man because he tastes so bad, or he's have problems getting him swallowed because he didn't take his cue from Mr. Snake and eat him head first instead of feet first.
Am I the only one noticing that the ... um... opening the head is coming out of is sideways?
It's the wrong proportions for both the dude on his hands and knees and for the baby doing an Alien.
I know this is minor nitpicking.
Jen, you get a HUGE smile from your Cake-wreck-a-holics like me my friend! A smile of course AFTER the screaming dies down. Can we say that this is the opposite of some people who have their heads up their arse?
Now, show us a cake of THAT one, I want to scream with laughter some more. Thank you for always giving me a chuckle, you do a great service to us all Jen and John (thoj). Bravo!
Guys, that's a C-section, not a deformed mother!
For everyone saying the opening is wrong, I think this is supposed to be a C-section. Although, I don't think those are done length-wise, either, so .. .whatever. Back to screaming.
So many questions.
Why is the person being born already an adult?
Why does the "mother" have nearly pornographic nipples?
Why does the wreckarator foresee that this adult man-baby is going to be born by cesarean?
Who thought that anything about this cake was a good idea?
I think it's supposed to be a Cesarean section. Which doesn't make it any less horrific, but might explain why the opening is sideways...
Ok, I kept trying to figure out the sideways lady jam, but after closer and more horrifying inspection, I’m pretty sure this troll baby is arriving via C-section.
Maybe it's a c-section. IDK.
The Caesarian-section birth of a full-grown hobbit (that IS Frodo, isn't it?)... Something I never thought I'd see reproduced in cake form...
I'm going to hope they're doing a c-section. Even so, that cake is still far from okay.
Sideways vaginas--yet another unrealistic beauty expectation for women.
I'm assuming this manchild is being delivered or is delivering himself by c section with the drape and thoughtful horizontal incision so mom can still wear her bikini even though she is headless
Re: the sideways anatomy comments - pretty sure it's supposed to be a caesarian. I hope.
Is it a C-section?
This is awful 😂 but the opening y’all are asking about it a C-section incision, not....you know 😂😳
I think it has to be a cesarean birth. It is the only explanation. But, I feel that it is missing something in that case. A lot of somethings.
It looks more like it’s supposed to be a c-section cake. Which is equally horrifying...
Why is the opening sideways? Well, due to the positioning of the sheet and exactly where this man/baby creature appears to be emerging, I'm assuming this is a C-Section cake... As a person who has had 3 C-Sections it is the only thing that makes sense... So yeah, that just adds to this cake's level of wrong-ness....
For those of you confused about the shape of the opening, it's not a vagina. It's a C-section. Still very very wrong, though.
To all those posting about the means of exit: surely this is depicting a c-section? hence the white drapes?
Re: the sideways vajayjay comments above. It’s a C-section. Still though. Blugh.
From what I can tell this is a C-Section Cake. That seems to be the only explanation for the lateral incision. Out pops baby! And to think that some bakers cringe at making cakes for same-sex weddings. Gah!
I think that's a C-section and not a deformity. I've also never seen a baby with a mustache before.
I 'think' it's supposed to be a C-section, which explains the placement and shape of the opening... maybe?
Still, so much wrongness.
Methinks that could be a C-section situation... hence the sheet, sideways incision below the belly, etc. Still nothing short of "who... who thought THAT was a good idea???"
That's not a sideways vagina! It's a Caesarean. That's one hairy baby!
I feel weird defending this cake, but that's a c-section, not a sideways vagina...right?
Of course, that doesn't explain why a gigantic-nippled torso is giving birth to an old man, so don't worry - we can still be plenty horrified at this cake. Right?
I'm no obstetrician, but I believe that "sideways vagina" is actually a Caesarian Section.
In CAKE.
Excuuuuuuuse m-- [runs down hallway]
Am I the only one who's had a C-Section? I believe that's what's being depicted here. At least I hope so.
I’m assuming that since the man-baby seems to be coming directly out of the stomach, that it is a c-section cake, hence the angle of the opening.
It is supposed to be a C Section. But baby cake faces scare me.
Im assuming its a cesearean section? Otherwise an ugly baby isnt her only problem...
It is not a sideways va-ja-jay. It is clearly a c-section!
I will not be eating a ... section ... of this cake, because I C what they did there. And it's revolting.
It’s a C-section! And why does the card say “Merry Christmas??”
Cf. Do Asian Women Have Sideways Vaginas?
Lol I think that’s supposed to be a cesarean section?
@Joan - I think it's supposed to be a Cesarean. Doula for 8 years here ;)
It's supposed to be a c-section, the drape and the sideways opening is the incision
I think this is supposed to be a c-section cake.
I'm thinking (hoping!) this is depicting a C-section. Please.
Not sure if Magical Sideways Vagina or C-section Lips.
Either way, NOT COOL!