The Anti-Valentine
February 14, 2017 Not feeling the love today? Then here, try these Valentines on for sighs.
;)
'Cuz nothing says romance like necrotic tissue!
Another sure-fire mood-killer? Faded pictures of screaming children on motorcycles:
;)
He's yelling, "EWW WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING??"
Maybe you don't want to kill the mood so much as make it really, really confusing:
;)
"Weight 4 me?" "Weight 4 me?" How does that even make sense? I mean, look, I love puns. "Bee Mine" with a honey bee? I'm on board. "I love EWE" with a lil sheep? Adorbz. But what the heck is "Weight 4 me" with a heart lifting hearts? Is this just so meta my brain can't handle it? Who even says "wait for me" on Valentine's Day, much less says it so often they need a visual play on words? How is this a thing? Who thought this was a good idea? AAAAUGGH!
[patting hair back into place]
Ahem.
And finally, when you just plain want to be a jerk:
;)
There's this:
;)
See, it's funny, because nobody loves them! The person who ordered this cake, I mean.
You know, the one covered in pink icing. (We hope.)
Thanks to Jenn W., Gabrielle N., Candi, & Jamie G. for giving us a good idea what NOT to do.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (24)
"Nobody loves you except me."
Eat this cake so you will become overweight and unattractive to others and become completely dependent on me.
That last one seems almost abusive...I do wonder about people sometimes...
Maybe it was supposed to read "Lose weight 4 me"?
I think that the heart is lifting heart shaped weights. Still not a good idea.
No no no -- the heart is lifting weights! It's a STRONGHEART. Or is that dog food?
Bakery manger: "Chuck 'em out in the bin--the lot of 'em! Garbage truck'll be by tomorrow; maybe he'll drop 'em off at the pig farm on his route; KIND of like a treat.... right?"
=^o.0^=
@ Sara ROTFLMAO - totally.
Wow. Now THAT would be some kind of anti-Valentine greeting fer shere!
MaryO1230
Jen, I hope that John is doing ok. My husband had his right shoulder replaced in 2015 and it was very painful, but it gets better. Physical therapy is a must for him!
Now, down to business. The valentine's day cake with the screaming toddler on a motorcycle...is that a miniature Darth Vader riding in the back seat? And..are those training wheels on the motorcycle?
'Cause nothing says "I love you" quite like a screaming toddler riding a motorcycle with training wheels with Darth Vader in the back seat. Really? Hopefully Hallmark is taking notice for next year.
#1: Nothing says "I love you" like molten lava sliding down a side of beef.
Oh, C'mon. "Weight" for me is obviously a couple-in-training. Not, like, a couple learning how to be a couple, but a couple training for an athletic event . . . never mind
The "Nobody loves you" would actually work if only they had said "...like I do" instead of the creepy "(except me)". (But perhaps I'm just too old for edgy insult culture.)
Is that the grim reaper riding behind the child?
.
It would certainly explain the screaming.
Nothing says Happy Valentine's day like screaming toddlers on motorcycles, hearts pumping hearts and passive-aggressive insults. Bring on the joy......
I hope the person read the side of the cake otherwise whoever bought it probably got a swift kick lol. Heck if I got a cake like that I would keep the cake and probably start yelling til they pointed out the side. Then I would refuse to share the cake just cause they got me mad lol.
I'm think weight for me is incarcerated. And spending all his free time lifting. Or maybe I need to read lighter fiction.
Hope the recovery is going well!
I think weighting was a self gift of indulgence.
Hi Jen,
The minute I saw the weight for me one I immediately thought of someone in the military out on assignment sending home a valentine for his sweetheart who is waiting for him back home. Probably the only case where this would be appropriate.
i like the cakes
To me, the only reply possible to the "Nobody loves you" pink thing (well, before the cake meets giver's face anyway) would be something along the lines of "Spare me my life from this monstrosity / Easy come, easy go, will you let me go..."
great cake
I love the Valentines Day Cakes!
LOL anti valentine
My birthday was on Feb. 9th and my parent's anniversary was on Valentine's Day. Last night I ate my last piece of scrumptious chocolate birthday cake. It's always kind of sad when that happens. But not as sad as these!
The Weight for Me Anti-Valentine is well done--just adorable!