The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
December 21, 2017 Yes, my friends, the time draws nigh: a season of love, joy, peace, goodwill towards those who think the same way you do - why, I can almost feel the warm fuzzies building towards critical mass as I type. Won't you join me in a moment of fuzzy-basking?
[basking] Mmmm.
Ok, enough of that. On to the Wreckage!
Now, while schools and religious and community organizations the world over strive to celebrate all the goodness of the season, bakeries are fighting back the only way they know how: with an unfolding drama of tragedy, anger, and mutation - right there among the rye and pumpernickel.
First, let's set the scene with a nice crackling fire in the ol' fireplace:
;)
See, I know this is a fireplace (and not Mount Vesuvius) because it says "Fireplace" on the cake board. [tapping temple] I'm "smaht" like that.
Next let's meet some of the characters featured in this month's tale of Christmas-gone-wrong:
;)
Ah, here we have the Ghost of Reindeers Past, obviously rendered by a Salvador Dali enthusiast. The gaping hole where his nose used to be reminds us of the fragility of life; the melting ears of how rarely we stop to listen; and the giant red spooge of...uh... how we should always use a napkin after eating? Yeah, let's go with that.
Next there's Snappy, the stitched-together Yuletide monster:
;)
He's made of sugar and spice and will mess your a$$ UP, beeyotches.
Oh, and let's not forget the Turdaphants:
;)
These harbingers of Christmas "cheer" are perpetually puckered up, the better to suck your spirit dry with.
And finally, there's the Big Guy himself:
;)
He just hasn't been the same since he lost his nose in that unfortunate sledding accident. Oh, and best not to let on that you can tell his beard is fake; that's how Rudolph got his trick knee.
Thanks to today's casting agents: Jennifer E., Carly O., Heidi A., Laura F., and Khara K!
*****
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Reader Comments (10)
1) I think the baker was trying to deceive us. Most fireplaces are rectangular and most volcanoes are conical. So what was this baker's problem? Did he flunk geometry? Maybe he wrote "fireplace" there because what he meant was to place a fire at that spot to burn this wreck so nobody would ever see it.
2) This looks more like Barfy, the Christmas mutt, who is trying to eat a balloon. (I pity his owner if he succeeds).
3) I don't want to meet the mad scientist/wreckorator who made this creation. Maybe we should call him Frankenginger. How can this poor creature get around? His torso and arms are so freakishly overdeveloped and his legs are so wimpy they can't possibly support him. And those hands and feet - did he forget to make sure there was blood flowing to the extremities, because they're already turning blue. This poor creature needs to go back to the lab/bakery so he can be fixed up. (Or made worse, seeing the damage this wreckorator has already done).
4) Looks like the mad scientist/wreckorator wasn't finished. Having made that sad monster, he turned his attention to creating a new species. He took a bit of reindeer here, a bit of tapir there, a bit of kissing fish there, and put this monstrosity together. (Are those ears, antlers, or TV antennae?)
5) Grandma got run over by a reindeer, but got revenge when she ran over Santa with a steamroller.
Joyful and turdumphant
That “fireplace” makes me hungry for pizza.
Are you sure the brown one isn't the Caganer? Look it up.
ROTFLMAO!
Hats off to Shannon! Let's all ride the 'joyful and turdumphent' train!
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MaryO1230
Oh man poor Santa lol. He does look like he's been in a horrifying accident. Still wonder when wreckerators will stop making scary turd anythings.
The Turdephants have hemorrhoids. Just sayin'.
The 'reindeer' ghost cake makes me think more of The Scream, 1893 by Edvard Munch than anything made by Salvador Dali.
Snappy skipped leg day. Don't be like Snappy!
Honestly, if the fireplace one wasn't labelled I would have stared at it for a while trying to figure out what it was. Then I would have assumed it was a poorly rendered desert-camo tent or something and moved on. never would I have thought 'fireplace'.