Thursday
Nov162017
Animaniacal
November 16, 2017 For many wreckerators, no cake is more of a tongue-out, slightly-hunched-and-grunting impossibility than an animal cake. It's not for lack of trying, mind you. ("Squished Shih Tzu" is actually a bakery standard these days.) For all their trying and failing, though, there are times when the results are actually kind of cute. Kind of. In a mutant sort of way.
For example:
Now, the poodle is a ridiculous looking dog. You can tell by how ridiculous it looks. You would almost think it would be impossible to make it look any more ridiculous, but if so, the yolk's on you! Haha!
Or maybe on this guy.
Now this little fella...
...is a chinchilla. I would very much like to snuggle him.
I don't really know what this is:
But I would also like to snuggle it. And maybe nom an ear.
This is a blow fish:
He obviously disapproves.
And this is a blow fish on antidepressants:
Any questions?
And if you think that bakers only try to make cutesy animals...
"What? I'm cutesy!"
...think again:
From the genus Crocodillius Seinfeldus.
Sometimes wreckorators double their efforts:
And, in some cases, they double their wreckage:
But at least this case also has some nice roses.
And finally, when an animal is really complicated:
"I'm complicated."
Wreckorators tend to just wing it:
"Meh. Hedgehog, hedge pig... same difference."
Thanks to Tim A., Stephanie D., Shirley L., Nathan M., JoeyJoJo and Monique R., who are all toy-gers. Toit toy-gers. Rawr.
*****
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Reader Comments (12)
I'm actually digging the blow fish. His almond prickles are evenly spaced, his chocolate frosting/fondant is smooth and even without runs or smears, and his facial features are thinly piped without blobs. Nope, not a wreck to me, but maybe I should taste it to be certain.
Jen, thank you for this post. I really needed a good laugh today.
Thinking...it just might be time for some wreckorators to retire... or at least get propped up, and some greasepaint on the face like clowns...to give the appearance of life?
=^-.-^=
We here at the Baked Animal Rights Force (BARF, for short), are appalled at the feeble attempts of some of you bakers to make cakes that are supposed to look like animals. Our animal friends have rights, too, to be represented in the baking industry with some real artistry. What you have done here is downright beastly. We must inform you that we are not fauna-d of any of these.
1) This is supposed to represent the canine species? We're doggone disgusted with it. Did it ever oc-cur to you to make an effort to make it look good? We must pointer out that this is unacceptable. We feel we ought to terrier you apart limb from limb for this travesty.
2) Is this a rodent? If it is, it's terribly ratty. Maybe you just made some kind of mousetake. We're watching you and we will shrewdly take steps to see this kind of folly ends.
3) What's this creature? Is he some smiling undersea invertebrate whose happiness is just urchin him on? This is a fishy attempt at making an animal cake.
4) What a croc this is! This baker's ability to make a decent cake obviously caiman went.. This thing is so awful we'd throw it in the back alley, gator.
5) The one on the left? You call this a dog? We mutt disagree with you. We will hound you until you learn how to make one that looks authentic. And the one on the right? Is it a pig? Is it a porcupine? Is it Porcu Pig? We hope that's all, folks.
6) And what do you call this creature? Is it a mascot for your hedge fund? Is it a symbol of your stance on pork-barrel politics?
You may be creatures of habit, but there is no animal magnetism in these disasters. Unless you want BARF all over you, we suggest you try harder next time.
The alligator cake makes the armadillo cake in Steel Magnolias look like a work of art!
That piggy one is definitely Q-bert
https://pre00.deviantart.net/4677/th/pre/i/2015/207/c/e/q_bert_render_edit_by_nibroc_rock-d92ssb4.png
Based on my rudimentary Korean skills, looks like that "chinchilla" is supposed to be a bunny. Possibly an Easter bunny? Regardless, it looks about as much like a bunny as it does a chinchilla, so it doesn't really matter.
And yes, I checked to make sure this wasn't an Epcot situation before commenting!
Since the Internet allows wreckorators to research what animals look like, I'm guessing the problem is in the attempt at representation. At least in the examples above they were working in 3D, so no excuses about perspective. Sadly, it comes down to skill in using the media and artistic talent.
Are you sure that's a blow fish? I thought it was a limited edition Hellraiser Pinhead bowling ball. :-)
Oh man these are hilarious. I really wonder if wreckerators aren't just doing this on purpose for their own amusement. Honestly can't see how they think these resemble animals lol.
A hedge-pig with painted nails!
Red nail polish on a hedgehog after Hallowe'en? A fashion faux-pas surely?