Subjective Reasoning
September 7, 2016 Sometimes the best part of checking the Cake Wrecks email is reading the subject lines you readers come up with. After all, it's not every inbox that can boast lines like "Loose Stool or Sea Slug?" and "Two Words: Flaming Caterpillar."
Here are some more fantastic, actual examples of reader email titles from the archives. (No, seriously, I am not making these up.)
"Dogs with grad caps nailed to their skulls" - from Amy T.
(Admit it: you would open that one first, too.)
;)
And she really nailed that description on the head, huh?
"Asphyxiation Barbie: SVU" - Sarah M.
"Looks like somebody..."
[removing sunglasses]
"...took this doll's breath away."
"I was looking for Monistat at the Walmart..." - Scott F.
"Yeast ring?" I donut think that means what you think it means...
"Princess Leia's Frhog" - Colleen K.
;)
"Help me, Oinkie One Kenobi; you're my only hop."
"Madagascar Nipples Cake" - Amy E.
;)
[Insert "Tracts of land" joke here.]
"Peanut Mouth Cookie Ninja" - Amanda B.
;)
(Does the head wound mean the ninja's already been here?)
And my personal favorite:
"I don't know what it is, but it's angry and it has a guitar." - Petra R.
To be fair, it also has a pilgrim hat.
Reader Comments (35)
The horror, the unspeakable horror D: also that Barbie cake needs a YYYEEAAAA after it ;)
This is AWESOME! I laughed on the dogs, completely lost it on the Barbie and couldn't stop the entire post... my coworkers were wondering so I shared the laugh (page) with them.
I'm pretty sure that last one is a tribute to Altamont. Or maybe to Spinal Tap. I'm just not sure, but I think I may have just revealed my age . . .
The Barbie cake subject line referenced "Law and Order: SVU", but your 'meme-caption' referenced "CSI:Miami"
But really...poor Barbie.
A long-time claim adjuster in an insurance company I worked for told the most delightful, funny (TRUE) stories about claims he had handled. He'd always end it with "I can't make this stuff up!" Sometimes it just writes itself, doesn't it?
NSFW!!!! I snorted my coffee through my nose and my cube neighbor thinks I'm now having a fit. Asphyxiation Barbie!?! O No!
The smiley face with the blood is probably a crappy version of the logo in Watchmen.
In the criminal justice system, pastry-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Snack-related Vileness Unit. These are their stories.
David Caruso was never on SVU (thank the good Lord). That aside, I couldn't stop laughing after that one.
Where's Barbie? Oh, yeah, the second one.
That last one looks like Mouseketeers burning a witch. Probably on the beach after a bit too much spiked punch.
John (hubby of Jen), this is your work, right? Excellent!!! I was having a cruddy morning with back pain, and this was better than any drug. Thanks!
@ SuBee -- your post was the cherry on top!
@Kate, yeah, I saw Watchmen smiley too.
The Barbie cake suggests the classic line: "She's dead, wrapped in plastic".
"To be fair, it also has a pilgrim hat." you kill me, John Yates!
And the first thought I had with the Barbie one is that it was a special edition Dexter Barbie. And now the Dexter theme song is in my head...
@ SuBee
duh-DUN
I cant get over the barbie one XD
Surely the Barbie cake is a homage to Twin Peaks?
Barbie reminded me more of Dexter
LOVED this one thoJ. I work in a cubicle environment, so I try to keep the laughs to a minimum. But Suebee, I am still choking back the giggles.
Princess Leia's Frhog. Nuff said.
It's Laura Palmer, Miami version.
MarkinSF is on the $ with the Mouseketeer witch-burning. :D More Cowbell!
So I see Vlad the Impaler has been doing puppy training classes.
my husband suggests that the last one is an ode to the band "Hostile Amish"......hmmm.....perhaps.....
Gotta say, I think "Madagascar Nipples Cake" wins this one!
The grocrey store I used to work to had those monster things. I bought one to see what was happening with it. I think mine was a cat or something. It's literally a cupcake if you are lucky surrounded by an absolute crapton of frosting. Seriously at least twice the frosting than cake. I cut it open and seriously if diabetes was transmitable and spread airborne I would have had it there and then. p.s. Not making light of diabetes. my mom is diabetic. :) Just trying to explain the sheer amount of frosting on a tiny bit of cake.
Ok, Someone in a 20 mile radius of me is also a wrecks viewer. The Barbie cake is sporting the logo of the store i used to work at, family owned. They sold to another chain about 3 or 4 years ago, but kept 1 store and opened a chain of liquor stores. SO either the barbie cake photo is old and from one of the 7 original stores, or it's new and from the last remaining location.
The more you know!
'Cause the man from Mars stopped eatin' cars and eatin' bars
And now he only eats guitars
Love the SVU/CSI mash-up. SuBee wins the Internet today. And the Blondie reference - love it!
This wins the prize for me: "Help me, Oinkie One Kenobi; you're my only hop."
If you want to give your kid a Barbie, give her a Barbie! Don't mash it onto the cake, wrapped or not.
"I don't know what it is, but it's angry and it has a guitar."
Hm, sounds like the 12th doctor to me.
The engines on that airplane are really bugging me. No wonder it's sitting in a river.
Dang. KimS took the sound effect right out of my mouth. And I LOVE "I don't know what it is, but it's angry and it has a guitar." That line makes my laugh muscles sore.
Wait...are the engines on that plane...backwards?