My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

You, Too, Can Be A Master Baker

Next up in our Master Baker series:


Technique A:

The Gravity-Driven Rainbow Embellishment

Step 1. Hold food coloring in hand:


Step 2. Invert & squeeze:




Technique B:

The "Look What I Found In The Break Room!" Ornamentation

Step 1. Locate phone from 12 years ago in junk drawer:


Step 2. Drop phone:



(BBF = Big Beefy Frankenfurter)
(You're welcome.)


Technique C:

The "Paint The Tail On The Donkey" Style

Step 1. Prepare airbrush:


Step 2. Apply blindfold:



(Optional Secondary Step: Add some Hello Kitty heads for... um... er... oh just add some.)


Thanks to Lynaa W., Ellen M., Abby, Jenna C., Hannah H., & Kira for giving me an excuse to post my best selfie yet - although Jen says the duck lips one is better:



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Reader Comments (31)

LOL! You guys crack me up! Thank you.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

I thought I was done after 'Big Beefy Frankenfurter' - then I saw Blindfold John, and I had to go home for the rest of the day so my uncontrollable snickering didn't bother anyone in the office :)

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Professor, a question: Is it possible to combine these techniques and if so, which one should one be used first? Also, is it appropriate to use other outdated technology for technique #2? I have an Walkman that I'd like to get rid of.

Your student and BBF (Big Butt Fan,) SuBee

P.S. As usual, your wife is correct.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Definitely the "ducklips" one. Makes you look more "focused" and "intent". Wrecking takes "skill" and "determination", right?

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjoybeth

Hoo Boy did that make me laugh. I'm having some temporary eye problems so my face is about 5' from the screen. So everything I saw was literally in my face, Jon, your first selfie made me giggle but the second one made me almost fall off my seat laughing like a crazed loon! I think these "instructional" cake decorating lessons are the BEST!!!

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBecky G.

I swear, the last photo WITH the duck lips? I thought it's was a Ninja Kardashian.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSmarie

3 VIPs (very important points)

Obviously somebody was absent the day we learned the ORDER of the colors of the rainbow, If we had bothered to get the material from a classmate or the teacher our cakes would be MUCH prettier!

My what big balls on that Frank-n-furter cake

I gotta say I lurve those duck-lips too!

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

I too almost was sent home for giggling myself silly, they thought I'd been drinking. I looked and them and said one word: "Cakewrecks" and they knew.
@SuBee, Welcome to the back row in the class, where I am. See, they would make us sit in the rear so we don't disturb the others with all our snickering, and your awesomeness. I too have some outdated items, like a VCR I would like to get rid off. John? What technique and color scheme would you suggest.

P.S. I agree with SuBee, your wife is correct.
P.S. P.S. Love you guys, you make my day, every day with all the fun!

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

Must...stop...laughing! OK, think about the poor recipients of the cakes. *snickering madly* Nope, that didn't help at all.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Is it just me or do all of these "technique" names sound like Big Bang Theory episodes (which, suspiciously coincidentally, premiered their latest season last night--& it ROCKED)?

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

The first cake alone made me forget that 1) the title referenced 5 tips and 2) the Facebook preview had the picture of John with an airbrush. So I KNEW the first one wasn't going to be the only cake. And yet, when I got to it, I not only froze for a good 20 seconds out of pure shock, I was even more surprised when I started to scroll down and realized there was *more* Just that first one was almost startling enough for a whole post of its own. It's just awful! O_o

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMerida Ann

Duck face obviously helps when decorating.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAbigail

Ha! You were blindfolded.!.Someone could've switched out your airbrush for a pipe...and you might never -*sniff*- have...*SNIFF??* noticed....

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

OMG! These wreck-o-bakers! The "ornomentation" section would have served Art Journaling MUCH better than cakey decorations... but, never mind. Hilarious - JthoJ.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Was that BBF one done with a SHARPIE?!?

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGsdlvr

What happens when modern art students drop out of school and have to take "real" jobs :P

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

John is so KEEEEEWWWT!!!

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterabudoggie

While I do agree that John's "duck-lip" is formed very well, I do take exception to the fact that with they eyes covered, the whole "duck-lip selfie" mood is ruined.
Because... we cannot see that ""come hither/AIN'T I THE CUTEST THING/you know you want me" beaming out of his eyeballs like all duck-lip selfies require. So, the duck-kip is actually wasted here. And, that is indeed a tragedy.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Sendingthecliwns- I'm laughing too hard! Mall security is going for the defibrillator.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSmarie

"Big, Beefy, Frankenfurter"?????

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

John and Jen, you should publish your own "Cake Decorating For Dummies". It's awesome how you have simplified even the most advanced techniques into just two steps each. Even the most novice decorator (in other words, pretty much anyone who's had a cake featured here) could learn so much from your insight.

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

Honesty post: I swore that was a pipe that you were holding in the FB post (selfie #1) and thought we were going to have a lot of pot-related cakes today...but wait! The decorators probably had to be high to make these happen! LOL

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkatie

So on target!! LMAO

September 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P.

I love these ones! Very funny! John, you rock both those pics!

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa R

Oh man laughing so hard right now. Hilarious. I can see wreckerators doing this exactly lol. Oh those poor cakes.

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I am agog at these wrecks. It's one thing to make a mistake - spelling, wrong colors, wrong name - but these cakes were INTENTIONALLY "decorated" this way. In what universe are these sold for profit??

John, I prefer the photo of you with the smile. :=)

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjune7

John, you look so baker-y. I almost didn't notice there are no rainbow frosting fingerprints all over your apron. In the back.

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

No need to worry about the cake recipients, Bluebonnet. These cakes are on the shelves, waiting to be bought, because anyone who sees them will go 'Wow!' and rush to buy one (or maybe to send a pic to CakeWrecks).

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Yup, Jen is right, the last photo beats every other one hands down.
I think MSTeacher3K has an brilliant idea for your next book: "Cake Decorating For Dummies" It's awesome how you have simplified even the most advanced techniques into just two steps each. Even the most novice decorator (in other words, pretty much anyone who's had a cake featured here) could learn so much from your insight.

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

I'm pretty sure that even blindfolded, you two couldn't make something that ugly. That takes a special talent you two just don't have. :)

September 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Denghel

After a couple of years looking at this site, my boyfriend now knows that whenever he hears me screeching with laughter while scrolling on my computer, I'm looking at CakeWrecks.
I love you guys.

September 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKita Marie

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