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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Sep132016

Rey From Star Wars Gets World's Crappiest Princess Cake

What do you do when your daughter wants one of those Princess/Barbie dress cakes for her birthday, only with Rey from Star Wars? (AFTER high-fiving her for having awesome taste, I mean.)

Well, you bring in the Rey doll and ask your baker to give her a big poofy cake skirt, that's what. You know, kind of like this:

(By Whitney Wickham)

Only more cakey.

So that's exactly what Julie S. did. She brought in the plastic figurine, asked for a dress cake, and got...

[drum roll, please]

 

This:

[WOMP WOMP]

I'll give you a moment to really absorb all the majesty.

 

Got it all absorbed?

Good.

Now check out the side view:

From this way it looks like she's being swallowed by a giant sand worm, right? See, this is why you always walk without rhythm in the desert, Rey.

 

Thanks to Julie S. for letting me cross the streams. Let's just hope it was spice cake.

*****

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Reader Comments (41)

Poor kid. She'll never trust a baker again.

How hard is that, really?

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Oh...I hope someone makes this cake the way it should be done and sends it in! I want to see how awesome it could/should be!

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMinda

In our wedding vows one of the things we promised each other was that we wouldn't cross the streams. However, this stream cross was EPIC! Sorry about that cake though. Wow. Just sad.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

…And, would you call that colour "Dune Brown"?

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Is it wrong to feel so pleased that I got that reference?

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

And the baker says, "Airbrushing fixes everything. A little here, a little there, NAILED IT!" <takes another swig from the Coors Light can>

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

The other shame besides the wreck is that people are getting sucked into Disneys stuff instead of embracing the much better EU that already existed. And by the time these kids are old enough to read the EU books, it won't matter to them.

Now a Mara Jade or Jaina cake would really be awesome if it avoided the wreckerators.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMel

We've got wormsign! Ugly little spud, isn't he.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary Jayne

A Dune reference in a Star Wars post? I don't know if I can handle the nerdery...

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIan H.

the spice must flow!

i mean... may the Force be with you!

(and i'd LOVE a Jaina cake, actually....)

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered Commentertrystan

Should have asked for "Princess Hulk but with Rey instead."

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

oh, the humanity!

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterlibby

This could mark the poor kid for life!!!!!!!!!!!! I see years of psychoanalysis ahead! This is one of the wreckiest kid wrecks I've seen! Not at ALL like the inspired "Princess Godzilla" cake - which I STILL lust after... so wonderful.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

NO no no no!!! Rey should NOT be put in a poufy dress any way you look at it. That cake is just wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

This is why you always walk without rhythm in the dessert, Rey.
/I amuse myself

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary-Lynn

This is the wreck you're looking for.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBarny

Kessel did have spice mines

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGraham

I nearly always find these postings funny; but sometimes funny and then sad. This is a funny-then-sad.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlan

"We have Wreck Sign such as GOD has never seen, Usill!"

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

OMG, it looks like the baker jammed the doll in a loaf of bread! And I'm so glad these comments are filled with Dune mentions and not "Weapon of Choice" mentions!

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterChad

Oy. When your cake ideas are just too awesome for wreckonators.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErica

If you walk without rythm, you'll never learn.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterFelix

I could totally see a Dune / Star Wars crossover.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCharlie K

may the spice be with you

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle E.

My husband's comment: "oh god, what IS that? It looks like she's trying to escape from a giant turd..." Welcome to cakewrecks, honey!

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterToomoody

😂 Looks like she's stuck in a giant turd! 💩

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMMcupcake

I dunno - the idea of Rey in a dress like that, even if well executed makes me sad. Perhaps someone might have made a counter-suggestion of putting Rey in a spaceship decorated with birthday sparkles?

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTheo Bromine

Spice long & prosper?
May the spice be forceful?
I have a bad feeling about this.
It is by caffeine alone that I . . . Uh, wrong meme.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAdo_Annie

Well done, BADKarma! Although, I could also see Rey as a Bene Gesseret Reverend Mother. She's got the attitude.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

Wow!. Even the border sucked.

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Is it bad that I kind of love the fact that this wreck is doing the same lean as the legendary Cakewrecks Barbie cake? Maybe I am too attached to CW that I see that...

(Agree with the previous poster who said that Rey in a poofy dress is simply wrong, BTW. Just no.)

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

...."May his passing cleanse the world....."

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Given that Lucas borrowed merciless from everybody (Rudolf the red nose reindeer Bumble, anyone?) it is nearly impossible to NOT cross streams whenever making a Star Wars observation. That said- it's all very tactful here- you all rock! Great Punz

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

Oh sweet Jesus... Please tell me that she didn't pay for that disaster and take it home to traumatize her child. Some things just cant be "unseen."

September 13, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Rey: I'm being swallowed by a sand worm.
Finn: I know.

September 14, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJessy

That's sad . I hope they didnot consider actually using it for the birthday because that's so wrong . I would go to a story and get a replacement cake ...anything would be nicer then that . seriously .

September 14, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterB . Rosario

Yes, Theo and Catherine! I think the real wreck here is that the customers wanted a poof dress for Rey. How in the world would Rey ever be able to accomplish any of her awesome feats and be any semblance of herself if she were wearing that monstrosity? Better scenario: the cake IS a giant worm eating Rey and she will use her awesome skills to escape and beat the crap out of said worm. Boom! Now that's a Rey cake.

September 14, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

i look like something that i'd end up doing if i attempted that.

September 15, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

It is so sad

October 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWayne

Kinda sad people are trying to shame a young girl for wanting to see someone she apparently looks up to in what she thinks would look pretty and beautiful. You don't have to be badass or princess- why can't a character be both?

October 28, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDoomedgemini

Doomedgemini, I agree that a character can be both.
There was a steampunk-style mini-series years ago set in Victorian times (as usual). In one episode, the female team member was trailing someone. She was wearing a full hoop skirt. As she walked across a lawn after the villain, she undid some laces at the skirt waist and walked out of the skirt, revealing a bodysuit that was much more suitable for combat.

The best of both worlds: can blend in at formal functions without causing scandal, but ready for action when necessary.

I'd say that Rey's outfit could be like that.

January 10, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterbelphebe

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