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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jun212016

Tell The Doctor To Bring His Sonic Screwdriver

I understand, bakers. Sometimes it's an innocent mistake!

Maybe you really tried to make a basketball court:

And it turned out a little wangish.

We get it.

 

Maybe this was literally the 327th cake you've made today, and maybe your space shuttle...

...came out more like a shuttlecock.

(HEYOOOO)

 

And so WHAT if your baseball bats lean a little to the left?

Sure, they're reminiscent of some other types of wood, but chalk that up to a swing and a miss!

 

HOWEVER.
I'm not buying it with these next ones, bakers.
Because these...

...are NOT bunny feet.

 

This...

...is NOT a candle.

 

And no matter how much you grease my palm, bakers, THIS:

...is NOT a TARDIS.

Seriously.

Let's get a grip here.

Everybody knows: if you're not up to the task, then you call in the Master baker.
Otherwise you're just gonna blow it!

 

Thanks to Amelia B., Christa L., Katie G., Nicole, Sara W., & Catherine B., who agree that light bulb thing on the tip looks... uncomfortable. And that it must be really cold in there.

*****

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« I've Got Some Good News, And I've Got Some BAD News... | Main | World's Greatest Cake Wreck Gets Drop-Kicked In Our Lap »

Reader Comments (45)

Puns!! Puns on top of puns and then ...... another puns!!
Love it. I aspire to your greatness. Lovely transition from one to the other, BTW. That last one ..... um, yeah. Bad. If you are looking for a TARDIS, that is.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

HOW do they NOT see what they did? But I see what you did there, with the bribery mention. SMH.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMoira

Well, they COULD be bunny feet. I don't know anybody with, um, um, OK - three balls in his basket. How's that?

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

@SuBee...I'm anxiously awaiting your parody to maybe "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight"? Jen? Fabulous Puns upon puns, and more puns, you're amazing! I'm sure if you took all the pics of wang-shaped wrecks and put them end to end it would circle the globe, like a rocket. A wang rocket but still a rocket.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

I thought it couldn't get worse after the 'baseball bats' - I was wrong.

Masterful (ahem), as always :)

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

I don't CARE what that last thing is *supposed* to be! It's freezing!! LOOK at it- it's so cold, it's turned blue!! Have a heart! In cases of frostbite, one is supposed to go slowly...gradual warming. .....gentle massage... You can take it from here~~I've lost my appetite! =^~.-^=

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

And is that...THING next to the "TARDIS" supposed to be a Dalek?

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEric Gjovaag

"It's a pun!" the king roared, and everyone laughed.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

So my spouse and I are driving down the road last week with Pandora playing Favorite Songs of the Middle Aged when a voice breaks in and declares: " If you are a man with a penis that curves to one side, you may have Peyronie’s Disease..." We found this hysterical for several reasons* not the least being that they felt the need to identify sufferers of Peyronie's Disease as being men with penises. Who else might have a penis that curves to one side? Who else might have a penis? Now, thanks to the educational nature of this site I have answer to that burning question: Cakes. Thank you Jen for, not only adding to my fund of knowledge, but offering aid and comfort to those cakes suffering from PD.

*The first reason being that, although we enjoy Favorite Songs of the Middle Aged, we are both actually 10 year old boys.

My husband walked by as I was typing this:
Me: Hey, remember that curvy penis ad that made us laugh like idiots? It actually came in handy today.
Husband: So to speak...

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh my lord. I know the internet has ruined me, but how can some people look at these things and not see what I see????

And that TARDIS hurts my heart.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

"Master Baker"... Snortle...

On that last one, I also enjoy the Dalek Plug off to the left. Kind of a "two for one" deal, I guess...

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Having the "basketball court" spurt a creamy birthday greeting is almost too much. Almost. And the poo "baseball bats" lying limply over the green shag carpet, I mean, grass...is this some passive-aggressive way baker express their despair at not getting into Stanford's neurobiology graduate program? Why do they hate the pastry so much? Have you ever seen such cruelty? (OMG! I'm so old that I saw that movie during its opening weekend! I'm off to buy a slice of unadorned cake.)

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenters.marie

That last cake does not resemble a TARDIS at all! What kind of baker thought that was a good idea. I am shocked and horrified!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

Incidentally, on that first wreck, what DOES the terribly (in)appropriately colored icing wording say? I mean, I can read "Happy", but "Happy" WHAT!??!?! (Or do I actually want to know?).

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

“Bunny Feet” (with apologies to anyone who ever sang this cute little song….)

“Bunny Feet,"
You've got the cutest little “bunny feet,”
There's not another whose is so neat,
“Bunny Feet,”
My heart, poor heart is thumpin'
When that thing starts really jumpin’.

“Bunny Feet,”
I'm up in heaven
When I see your special treat.
Well I need a “shove”
Because I'm in love
With my pretty “Bunny Feet.”

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmber'

There cannot be that many incompetent bakers out there...can there be?!?!?!?! D:

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

People think of cake decorating as a progression from recipe to finish. But in a non linear non subjective viewpoint it's more like a great big ball of wibbley wobbly cake wakey stuff.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKarie

You do remember that it doesn't sonic wood, right?

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@Cookiemama- You've got it. Now run with it!!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

For Cookiemama (I spent a lot of time trying to rhyme "tardis" and "hard is" but I just couldn't make it work.)

It's not a shuttle cock
It's not a baseball bat
the candle has a wick
It still looks like a prick
The rocket's firm and tall
But it can't really fly
These bakers seem obsessed
Don't ask the reason why

They go up
Then down
They go up
Move it round and around
pump it up
Cool down
Oh too cold!
It's lost all feeling, no not good


No one's gonna have fun tonight
No one's gonna have fun tonight
Damn, I broke my wang chung tonight
Damn, I broke my wang chung tonight

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Hey! Amber' 's back!!! =^~.-^=

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Whenever I'm feeling unsure about a cake design, all I have to do is check in with Cakewrecks to realize, my stuff is A-ok! I'm happy to say none of my cakes have turned out looking like a Wang and I can definitely charge more than $6.90 for them because they don't!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P.

SuBee wins the internet AGAIN. Pure genius.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStLMetroMom

Well, that proves it's a bad idea to repair the chameleon circuits just before landing in a wreckorator's bakery...

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

That is clearly a blue condom with a built-in headlight for exploring dark places.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPetunia

@ SuBee...I LUV YA! Thank you so much for the song. Omg, I'm gonna pee my pants at my desk here at the office. Everyone wants to know what's wrong? Why are you giggling. I showed them, now they are singing the song. Quietly, so the rest of the office (billion dollar corporate office, in the Legal dept.) and here we are, taking a break to sing to ourselves and laugh out loud! Thank you...take a bow my friend, you deserve it! Tardis - hard is, omg, that's it, gonna pee my pants. Worth it!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

A frostie, sad, saggy Wang Tardis? I may never have the courage to venture towards the pastry display ever again! And what are the weird snake and circle emblems??? @Karie - your quote is going over my computer!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Thank you SaraCVT for reminding us all of the shortcomings of the Sonic.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJudyBeth

Yes, the gold lump is supposed to be a Dalek. According to the baker (who is replacing the cake), her assistant let the cake melt and tried to fix it, but at least it lit up! *Face palm*

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine B

Dang, SuBee! Is there anything you CAN'T turn into a song. And yes, I sang it!!! Wang Chung, e'erbody!!!

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

My husband walked in the room just as I was looking at the Tardis wang. And totally forgot what he'd come in for as he nearly fell over laughing. Gee, I wonder why?

I know we're all ruined by being regular CWers, but seriously, what is WRONG with people that they can't see what they're creating???

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Ok, I know this post is supposed to be all about wieners, but the little stumpy Dalek amuses me.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWill

"Let's get a grip here." You know, I think I'll pass on that one, thanks.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterbrian t

That thing on top of the Tardis is a prince Albert piercing of course....and just to toss this in, my autocorrect tried to change Tardis to "hard on". Yup.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJ'NaeNae

Aannnnd the "Tardis" exploded all over the cake to the point it is dripping down the sides. Ewwwww.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

The third cake reminds me of the Cheech and Chong routine: ET - The Extra Testicle.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermarilyn

It's not so much the lack of skill that bothers me. It's the total lack of shape recognition. I think they were probably made by aliens who know nothing of human anatomy.

June 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Now I think the wreckerators are just messing with us. How can they not see what we see in these things? Lol I am sure they laugh somewhere in the stock room where no customers can hear them.

June 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

@SarahCVT - That made me laugh out loud! =-)

June 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

I dub that melty thing next to the melty thing with the too-large light a... Salvador Dalek. I call the cake "EX-TER-MI-NA-tion of Memory", and wish it had been a battle with Borg instead so I could give it a better name.

June 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Bunny feet. Totally "Egho tria arghythia! " ala "My big fat Greek wedding.".

June 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIrene

Poo wang baseball bats! ZOMG I can't even! Now all we need is for a game on Thanksgiving depicted via the medium of cake, and we can have POO WANG TURKEYS swinging POO WANG BATS and I will FAINT from the epicness!

As for that poor TARDIS, let's just say it landed on a big chunk of blue wibbly wobbly wingy wangy... stuff.

June 23, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdr handle

Well, it may be cold, but at least it's bigger on the inside!

June 23, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBirdlady42

Oh my Lordis...it is not a Tardis..indeed.
Thanks for cracking me the hell up over and over and over.
You should go on the road and do a "lecture series" about the dangers of craptastic cakes. I would pay good money for that! Cue the Power Point!!!!

July 6, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjane

That "tardis" hurts my soul... And that is no light, it's a bullet. Someone is playing a seriously bad sex joke on someone else. And squishy dilek. Smh...

August 2, 2016 | Unregistered Commentershelly

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