Mist Marx
June 16, 2016 And now, everyone's* favorite:
MISSED MARKS!!!
(*May not be your favorite. You may prefer cakes that look like wangs. Which is totally cool. Weirdo.)
Ashton H. wanted a pretty princess carriage like this:
;)
...but I think she picked it up after midnight.
;)
Womp WOMP.
Felicia F. ordered this stunner for her Uncle's birthday:
;)
"I like... GOOOOLD!"
But instead, she just got stunned:
;)
Shoulda gone with a schmoke an' a pancake.
Also, sometimes I like to amuse myself by referencing Austin Powers villains.
Because everyone needs a hobby.
Jyoti K. asked for this adorable princess cake:
;)
D'awww.
But instead, got this:
;)
D'aaaaauuuugh!
Nicholas W. actually had his baker send HIM this photo, saying this is what the cake would look like:
;)
Nice!
Soooo...
Turns out...
;)
It didn't really look like that.
And finally, Roshnid H. ordered this peacock cake:
;)
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Roshnid's cake ended up looking like the Loch Ness monster with a bunch of shaving cream on its nose?"
Well, my friend, YOU ARE IN LUCK.
Because yes:
;)
Yes, it would.
Thanks to Ashton H., Felicia F., Jyoti K., Nicholas W., & Roshnid H., who suspects that may actually just be a floating log - but WE BELIEVE.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (49)
No wangs I guess, but that first one does look a little, hmmm...
Shall we say it also seems somewhat gender specific?
I'm calling for a Mass Baker Intervention.
Bakers - you must KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.
You just can't keep hurting the unsuspecting public like this.
And I believe taking money for these . . . um . . . Confectionery Abominations could constitute fraud in at least 16 states.
END THE MADNESS!!!
That is all.
Don't you just love the added ashtray and stinky cigar butt on the second last example? That added suggestion of aroma does soooo much to enhance the grunge-worthiness of that cake offering.
When I first saw the inspiration picture for the humidor cake, the brand "COHIBA" was automatically changed in my brain to "BOHICA". Appropriate, don't you think?
BTW: BOHICA = Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.
:-O
Evidently, the Loch Ness Monster went to Rio for Carnivale this year...
Oh, and I'm digging the superfluous and meaningless Marzipan pear on top of the knocked-up, wheel-less carriage.
In what universe does that shaving cream glop look anything like a beak?!?!
Why do I even question what these bakers can perceive at this point?!?!
The 60th birthday cake was so shiny it reminded me of Grease.
All these wrecks, they’re multiplyin’
Bakers losin’ control
Just one look here and I’m dyin’
It’s just terrifyin’
You better shape up, ‘cause I need a cake
I don’t want my guests to spew
You better shape up, please try to understand
Here, I’ll show these pics to you
Here’s what I, here’s what I expect from you
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo, Oo, Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oh yes indeed, don’t make me pleed.
Can you make this confection?
Here I’ll try to convey
These concise and clear directions
Don’t feel your way
You better shape up, ‘cause I need a cake
That will keep me satisfied
You better prove that - it’s well worth the price
And not bad, and won’t make me want to hide
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Do a good deed, don’t make my eyeballs bleed
PS I kind of love the Nessycock. Look at her face. She knows she's not what the customer ordered. Poor dear...
Why would anyone want a cigar box full of turds?
Yup. These are some of my favorites. Unless you count the misspelled piping cakes. Or the wang cakes. (Weirdo.)
The baker of the last cake should have been ashamed to even ATTEMPT to give such an abomination to the customer, forget making them pay for it. >:( The gold cake for the uncle was at least passable.....
That uncle's cake is VERY CLASSY! Did they paint black with gold, or gold with black? Inquiring minds want to know!
BADKarma, thank you for clarifying that the thing on top of the first cake is a marzipan pear. I was completely baffled as to why anyone would plop a piece of fruit on top of a cake like that. Marzipan makes a tiny bit more sense.
SuBee - Nessycock does kinda look like she's having an Existential crisis, doesn't she?
Oh, and thanks for almost making me spew coffee..
TLC - Nothing about PreggoCarriage Cake(tm) makes sense. NOTHING.
I do like the box of turds and the photo they sent.I wish I'd heard the conversation that went on in the bakery.
So the "wheels" on the Rindercelly wreck remind me of the mosquito coils we useta burn when I was a kid at our outdoor functions here in Florida to help keep the beasties away. This, of course, was before Zima virus. Perhaps we should resurrect mosquito coils. Wreckerators could also use them on cakes!
Oh come on, that carriage window looks like a labia.
And I am convinced things like this happens because people post on facebook community groups "I want a fantastic work of art piece cake, but don't want to spend a lot. Who can do this for me?" (which happens all the time!) And then they get mad that they get these.
Nobody going to comment on the fact that the missed mark 60th birthday cake has rabbit droppings all around it?
My first thought about the carriage cake was "vagina". And then I felt guilty for having such a dirty mind, until I saw that several other viewers had the same thought. So now I don't feel guilty, but I do wonder why so many of us see lady bits in cake.
My dirty mind also saw poop segments in the cigar box cake, and a large wang with excitement on the tip in the peacock cake.
It always amazes me how bakers and decorators don't see the potential naughtiness in the cakes they make when they've spent several hours looking and handling them up close, especially when so many casual viewers immediately notice the similarities after just a quick look at pictures.
I'm just grateful that they didn't make the "carriage curtain" pink!
Oh my gosh, the cigars looked like little turds! Perhaps the Loch monster made them?
I can picture a scene in which the stupefied customer is carrying the cake to the car, and the wreckerator is running behind shouting, "Hey, wait, you forgot your smear of white nose frosting and wooden deely boppers!" The dumbfounded patron must have mumbled, "Um, okay." I mean, did they really make this worse? I think not.
4th wreck down: Well, "Nick"... ...Time for your BIRTHDAY CAKE......! It's a clever, special design, to reflect the EXACT TIME you were born!! READY?? TA DA!!!>> SIX TURDY! =^-.-^=
All hail SuBee, CW's poet laureate, taking over from Mel, who is resting on his (her?) laurels. Or laureatles. How lucky are we to have such amazing talent here? Seriously, SuBee, how you come up with these perfect parodies so quickly is astounding. I bow to thee...and btw, this was also one of my favourite (< I'm Canadian) posts of late, too.
Turd cigars! Nice touch, especially inside that flesh-colored box. 0.o
"Happy Birthday, Nick. Here's six turds on a cushion."
Close but no cigar!
I'm making a 60th birthday cake as I write and I'm thinking omg please don't turn out like any of these...however I'm not actually accepting payment as it's for family and the peacock-a-saurus is quite the showstopper...maybe I'll get the drawinvg board back out!
Why, yes, missed marks ARE my favorite, thank you! Followed closely by creepy baby shower cakes.
Also, I was surprised that the cigar cake WASN'T the one that could double as a human anatomy lesson today, but also, why are the cigars encased in Spam and uncooked bacon?!
1. Albino Apple With Genitalia, Female
2. Disappointed Wonder Woman Falls Flat
3. Lumpy Granpa Confronts Darkness
4. Funeral for Dog Turds (RIP)
5. Nessie Hatchling, Post-Chernobyl
So glad others saw a different kind of "curtains" in the carriage cake. Y'all are all sick mfers... I like you! :)
I prefer the "6" used on the uncle's cake to the original. At first it reminded me of an elephant's trunk but then I realized the top is a swan's neck, curved toward the "0", it's mouth opened in shock as it realizes what it is sitting on.
I like Nessie. She may not be what the customer ordered but she is adorable in her own right.
Whoever made the "curtains"... ahem... yeah... "curtains" on that first cake should be required to register with the local police as a "Cake Offender". That is just so creepy.
The first cake is either to "eat" or to "eat out". dunno.
Nessie was dressing up for her annual masquerade ball. Unfortunately she went with a knock-off dressmaker instead of her usual designer.
I must be the only one diggin' the "lochcock" cake......
Hey, I like wang cakes! They're puerile, and childish, and immature, and completely inappropriate for an adult, and they amuse me enormously. Poo wang cakes, well, what can I say, double the childish immaturity, double the fun...
Not those cigars, though. They are not poo wangs. They're just poo. And now I'm disappointed at such a missed opportunity. I mean, if you're going to stuff up a cake design, you might as well make it hilariously puerile, right?
Ummmm - I'm not sure who 'Ashton' is, but that Princess Carriage cake photo is mine...?
Well that baker who sent the pic of what the cake would look like probably got that pic out of a magazine and sent that lol. Oh man those cigars look so.. poo like. Cannot look at brown frosting ever again without thinking it always looks so gross.
Curtains/labia ... tomato/tomahto
Little upset about the cigar cake, the second one. Obviously someone has been following my dog and collecting her"cigars" for this cake!!
The original cohiba cigar box cake is here:
http://miss-shortcakes.blogspot.com/2012/04/cohiba-cigar-box-cake.html
So, the baker swiped the picture from the blog?
I constantly quote Austin Powers villains, too... Isn't dat veird??
Is it just me, or does the door/window "curtains" on the wrecked Cinderella coach look similar to lady-bits?
The Uncle cake was passable, depending how much the person forked over as payment.
I do not understand how the person effed up the peacock cake. He/she has some skill, but didn't bother looking at the size of the original peacock in relation to the cake. Had the peacock been 2/3 rds smaller and without white goo for a beak... an honest attempt?
Bakers...know your limits. If you can't do 3D work, don't promise a peacock, then show up with Nessie.
People...you are making Baby Jesus weep. You brow beat a friend, who can make a decent basic cake, and want them to create a $1,000 PInterest cake for $100. Then get all stabby when it isn't *perfect*.
I think for #1 they took the same mold and design that they use for pregnant belly cakes. That would also explain the, um, suggestive shape of the doorway.
I don't know why, but when I saw the broken wheel on the first one I laughed even harder.
And for all the regulars here, didn't you just inherently know that the Cohiba cigars were gonna look like turds before even scrolling down? Amirite?!
The curtains on that missed mark carriage look rather ... ahem ... ladylike to me. Anyone else see the resemblance?
I wonder if the "cigars" were rolled on the thighs of Cuban virgins? I hope not...
Hey! The original black and gold 60th cake is mine! For inquiring minds, it's gold painted onto black. :)