That's My Wreck, NACHOS
April 19, 2016 If you frequent Pinterest you've probably seen these Sweet campfire cakes going around:
;)
These are relatively simple, fun designs made with chocolate icing, Pirouette cookies, and hard sugar "flames." Some folks also add toasted marshmallows:
;)
(By Shower of Roses)
So pretty!
Now, you're supposed to melt down butterscotch and cinnamon candies to make those flames, but one bakery decided ain't nobody got time for that, and swapped them out for the PERFECT SUBSTITUTE:
;)
Nacho Cheese Doritos.
Doritos?
Yes, DORITOS.
"Aw, but Jem," you're thinking, because you've once again confused me for an outrageous cartoon rock star - and I'll be honest, I ain't mad - "But Jem, look how cheap it is! A little stale cheese dust in our chocolate icing isn't so bad for less than 13 smackeroos, right?"
OH CON-TRARE, my hopefully French-illiterate friend.*
[*By which I mean illiterate in French, not from France and illiterate. Though if you are illiterate and from France you can't read this anyway, so just BE COOL, friends-of-illiterate-French-people, and don't go telling them Jem's talking smack, 'cuz JEM DON'T PLAY THAT.]
Look a little closer at that label:
;)
"Plus cost of candy & chips."
PLUS!?
Yeeeeah, Jem don't play that either, bakers.
Thanks to Mackensie C. for the sick burn.
*****
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Reader Comments (51)
THAT mess was beyond cheesy!
Oh Contrare mon fraire, you get the Pirouette cookies for Free! Free I tell you! Such a deal!.
This store should be Ashamed I tell you. ASH-shamed, see what I did here? Oh well, I would apologize for the sad pun but Cookie don't play dat! :)
Hmmm... I think the reference went right over my head today.
So, I'll just say...ick! Who wants nacho cheese Doritos on their cake?! Now I'd take the Doritos over cake any day, but not together!
As soon as I saw the title of this post, I giggled, because my newly-teen daughter has a favorite shirt with a belligerent Dorito on it ("Belligerent Doritos" would be an awesome name for a band!) & the words "Nacho Your Business!" on it.
But anyone older than 13 & not on pot needs to realize that nacho chips don't go with EVERYTHING.
AU CONTRAIRE! (Sorry, you got a Québécois among your fans.) :-D
Are dey serious, mang?
After reading this site for 8 years, you'd think I wouldn't be surprised any more. But bakers keep digging deep and come up with new 'creations'!
Nothing wrong with those first two cakes, that I can see anyway...
Walmartted that right up, they did. There's nothing so classy that Walmart can't make it trashy. (I'm from Arkansas and a frequent Walmart visitor, so right in there with the other People of Walmart.)
Might make a good stoner cake, tho.
There have been times, my friend, many years ago... back in the days of Cheech & Chong movies... when Nacho Cheese Doritos and Chocolate Cake would have made perfect sense....
That wasn't even a hot mess. It was just a mess.
I especially like how they use the pirouette cookies to keep the chips upright. So realistic!
Well, look: you get cake, (somewhat)....and your choice of nacho-flavored marshmallows...... .... .Where was I?....Oh: Who the hell is Jem, and you promised that no mockingbirds would be killed while filming this post! =^-.-^=
Do you suppose being on this site has become a status symbol for inept bakers? "Hey, any publicity is good publicity. OK, gang! Let's get on Cake Wrecks!" It's hard for me to believe they actually did that and expected it to sell.
Harold and Kumar, I have your cake!
In their defense (sorry) but did you know that in a pinch you can use Doritoes to START a fire? It works! They will light like kindling.
So they were not entirely off base....ok yeah, it is awful.
Ooof. That frosting looks super nasty too.
They could have at least used Pizza flavored Doritos. They at least look red. Sad.
As I really peruse this wreck, I begin to wonder if those logs aren't FLAUTAS????????? That would really complete the nacho theme of this cake!!! Dinner and dessert, all on one cake...
I think the logs are taquiotos, this is just a full meal on a plate
I wonder if they charge for the toothpicks too?!
Can't imaginer the cost for valete parking there.
Ahem. Jem and the Holograms! (I googled it!) Great post!
Eh, I'd eat it.
It looks like they swapped the pirouettes for taquitos for a savory bonus
The sad part is the icing on the last cake looks close to the first and better than the second, and the leaves are well done and a nice touch; I also prefer the 'messy' log placement as opposed to the too perfectly spaced second cake "logs". Apparently since guac is always extra they mistakenly assumed it would be cool to charge for chips as well.
It all just reminds me of our kitchen, when we were buying the house we first noticed the nice custom cabinets and the high end appliances...and they must have run over budget because the counters and floors are laminate which is like putting Doritos on an otherwise lovely cake.
Oh lord I can't stop laughing. But that said....it actually combines two of my favourite foods - cake and doritos!
How much are those chips and candy gonna cost me?
You don't disappoint as usual amazing stuff. Just love the whole bonfie concept, probably the cake to take with you when you're camping with your kids!
If I hadn't seen the first two cakes, I would never have guessed that the third one was supposed to be a campfire. Did a toddler put this together? Because that is the only excuse I can think of. Chocolate, nacho cheese Doritos with marshmallows. *squeezes eyes closed as she turns a delicate shade of green*
Is the extra charge calculated on a per chip basis or as a percentage of the bag? And same for the marshmallows? Do I have to pay extra for a box to take it home in? Oh Jem, I have so many questions...
But the toothpicks are complimentary right??? What a bargain!
Personally, I think the best part is that the two ads currently on the right hand side are for Walmart. Haha
Because no one's said it yet. That's truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrageous.
Really, no one?! This little girl was a big fan, and I got a giggle.
I hope they used the Flaming HOT Doritos!
Well, that's just adding insult to icing.
So, is the bakery charging for the price of the entire bag of Doritos and entire bag of marshmallows? That's what, about $4.50 extra? Not cool, Walmart. Not cool.
I've never heard of such a shiesty bakery-related pricing scam. (Not that I've heard of many shiesty bakery-related pricing scams at all). Who charges extra for toppings on a cake? It's a not a pizza, for crying out loud.
I perfectly understood all of your references and am proud of myself for that. You are hilarious today!
"Plus cost of candy and chips" I think not. Yuck!
This was totally a LOL cake. Glad I was at home and not at work so I could enjoy it.
Would someone please show me the candy they're charging me extra for?
Really charging for the five chips and then the cookies and what the marshmallows too? Lol wreckerators I am shocked the toothpicks come free. Guess times are hard if you have to pay extra for the decorations lol.
OH, Walmart.....you think you're slick. Pull cutomeers in with the promise of an inexpensive and fun dessert. Then hit us with the cold hard truth. The decorations are NOT free. Oh no. You have to pay extra for the handful of doritos and stale mini marshmallows. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.
As I so often do, I showed this to my coworkers.
Everyone was properly horrified by the nachos, except one lady, who exclaimed "ohhhh! What a good idea! That's so much easier!"
So now you know there are actual human beings who are not professional bakers yet who think these wreckerators are ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
I think it would be okay if they were jalapeno cheese Doritos. At least then they'd be HOT!
Embarrassingly enough this is a Walmart cake. And they should have never even attempted to make this... I wouldn't even consider doing this at my store.
They should have used flaming hot cheetos.
HA!
So, seriously, on top of that cake are BOTH nacho cheese Doritos and taquitos (or roll tacos, if you prefer)! WHAT??? I love me both of those delicious foods, but on top of chocolate cake? I looked really closely hoping to see that the "frosting" was just black bean paste in disguise, because maybe this was a cleverly disguised fake-out. No such luck.
I wonder if the baker had never seen pirouette cookies before, but knew for sure about taquitos? So then they saw the inspiration picture they were all "pssh, I can totally make that happen!"
You know that animated wow emoji that goes "wooOOOooow" as its head moves from one side to the other? That's me right now.