10 Easy Ways To Completely Wreck Your Icing Balloons
April 12, 2016 It's almost TOO simple: a round blob with a string.
So how can you wreck the humble icing balloon?
Oh, my sweet, naive little baker friends.
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
1) Embrace The Airbrush:
;)
I'm talking full-on bear hug territory here, folks. Love it. Use it. Defend it with your life. Don't ever let it go.
2) Choose Your Colors.... WISELY:
;)
Crap brown with black "highlights?" Oooh, now you're cooking with gas!
Plus, anything that brings to mind bleeding orifices...
;)
...IS PERFECT.
3) Remember Size Is Relative:
And you could totally fit a few more in there.
4) ...But Bigger Is Always Better:
;)
Just throw a few tiny balloons on top to keep it confusing.
5) Of COURSE That Piping Tip Works
;)
I mean, why wouldn't it?
6) Try Turning Them Into Insidious Ground-Dwelling Creatures:
;)
::slither slither slither::
7) Or Colorful Hair Buns!
;)
Floating grandma heads have never looked so festive.
(I'm not the only one seeing this, right?)
8) Gravity Schmavity:
;)
Just be sure to never look at how real balloons work in real life, 'cuz that shiz will blow your freaking mind.
9) Look For Inspiration In Unlikely Places:
;)
Like the wads of chewing gum under the counter!
And finally, the tried-and-true favorite of bakers everywhere:
10) Just Make Them Look Like Sperm:
;)
;)
;)
Aww, three of them made it!
Thanks to Allison W., Erin, Becky G., Anne B., Hilary E., Mandy B., Rachel W., Brenda, Susan C., & Jason for finding some of the most hilarious balloon wrecks ever conceived.
*****
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Reader Comments (45)
Number 7 reminds me of colorful bonnets. Look at it again. :)
#5 :The portal to another dimension. The dark path leads you to 3 guiding lamp posts, until you see the diamond shaped white light leading…who knows where?
Probably to the land of the ghosts of real balloons.
Such nice handwriting for Jess and Katey -- but who's Phil, and why is he relegated to the corner?
M - I - C
Snakes are everywhere...
K - E - Y
Why do they look like toothpaste?
M - O - U - $ - E
Why are tiny little snakes trying to swallow such an enormous mouse?
"Because we like you!"
Is it possible they're not supposed to be balloons?
And no, I have no idea what any of them (other than the granny buns) might actually be.
Today's subtitle: Balloons: the Seminal Edition
10A. Baker - You want balloons? Buyer - Yes, just fill in a corner. Baker - Phil in a corner; got it. Ba dum tsch. :)
Bwahaha
I am going to take the bun out of my hair, thanks a lot... :(
lol
((Whispering)): No, Jen, you're not the only one seeing floating grannie heads. It's like "Little House On The I-Haven't-Got-A-Prayer-eee" ....=^-.-^=
My daughter says "now you're cooking with dynamite!", which I think would be appropriate for any of these.
My biggest quibble with icing balloons is that they always look deflated--like the 3-day-old leftovers from a party. Or somebody who's lost a lot of weight quickly and their skin hasn't caught up. Sad.
Where you saw floating grandma heads, I see Peeps with leashes or bolo ties.
Agree @angie,it reminds me of bonnets too.
Good thing I wasn't invited to Jess and Katey's birthday party. (And Phil) The high-pitched squeal I just made would have attracted wild animals.
Has there been a Sunday Sweets with balloons done right, yet? I need hope that balloons are possible to do on a cake!
@Mary: I think Phil is just waiting for the balloon stampede to go by (and the dust to settle) before approaching the girls. No- that's an excuse. He's shy. Let's cheer him on. Go, Phil. 👏
It's Mel for the win!
Am I the only person who sees a multi-colored jellyfish on #4? And the orange & green cookies - there is no way these are supposed to be balloons. I am guessing one-eyed aliens, coming to take over our world. "keep your eyes down. You are going to want to look, but you are not going to...keep your eyes on me...don't look!
As usual, ROTFLMAO! But I have to say:
# 3 reminds me of something from a Petrie dish and
#5 looks like green "poop"....
Just MHO. Thanks Jen/John! You guys make my day!
Please, bakers, just buy the plastic balloons.
Now I can not actually picture what a balloon is supposed to look like.
Mel and Elly!!! The clever comments are the only thing that makes a Cake Wrecks post better!
#6 has hidden Mickeys on it! Tell me those don't look like the Hidden Mickeys at Disney World!
#12 is getting triplets!
I think #2 might actually be a rather accurate depiction of a black jelly mushroom. If you've never seen one just imagine alien brains or deer poop growing on a tree. Voila!
Every balloon is sacred
Every balloon is great
If a balloon gets wasted
God gets quite irate
@Elly - You nailed it! :-) :-) :-)
Conceived?!?!?!? BWAHAHAHAH!!! Sperm.... Conceived!?!?!? HA! You crack me up!
I'm a cake decorator and always cringe when I see someone requested icing balloons on their cake order form. They never come out looking good, in my opinion. If you really want balloons on your cake THAT bad, they make plastic ones that are always better...go wth those...save us all some pain!
"Phil" is over there in the corner on the other side of the sperm. Did Jess & Katey create Phil? That's the only message I can get from that cake!
1) Those are Existential thought balloons. They're deliberately vague.
2) "Halloween Balloons" or "Leshmania Protozoa"? YOU decide.
3 & 4) Size definitely matters... Although it IS sweet the way the mom lets the babies ride on her back.
5) Pastel Poo. It could happen.
6) Giardia. Definitely Giardia.
7) It's a Granny convention caught in a white-out blizzard.
8) Those are clearly Trichomonas Vaginalis. Just sayin'.
9) Definitely Bubblicious.
10) Sperm, Sperm, D-AAAAWWWWW, Calico!
I'm pretty sure all of these wreckerators need a lesson in gravity. Because if these are supposed to be helium balloons, then the strings are not going to be wavy or wiggly or curly (other than the extra bit on the end you can curl with scissors). It will be taut! Even if it's somewhat deflated, the string will only bend in one place. I just don't understand why this concept is so difficult.
#2B - Given all the icing color possibilities bakers must have, why would one make beige balloons??
Well, at least cake #8 got the strings right. Since the balloons are deflated the strings are all tangled up. Most of the others are a colorful version of the birds and the bees talk from biology class. I always wondered though - are sperm the bird or the bee part of the lesson?
@ Elly -- you rock! And you also taught me how to express the "rim shot" in words <g>.
Am I the only one who sees umbilical cords on #5? Just what I want on cake!
Now I see grandma buns and cannot stop laughing. Cute and hilarious. Ahh how can wreckerators not know what a balloon looks like?
Only one word comes to mind: Gah!!
Kyle, you weren't paying attention in biology class, were you? Bees, and some birds, take part in plant reproduction. The idea is that the teacher could talk (vaguely) about how babies are made without mentioning cake at all.
#5 I see turbo charged snakes drag racing. Anyone else?
(And I see bonnets, too. But I can kind of see the Granny buns.)
#7 - those look like Peeps chicks to me.
BADKarma - I'm a nurse and you have me trying to laugh quietly, which is hard to do!
@toonfan69 yessss.....
let the heathens spill them
on the frosted ground
the baker will make them pay for
each balloon that can't be found
That gravity one made me think of the song defying gravity, which made me wish you did a post of cakes captioned with nothing but different song lyrics. 🌟💪🏼🌟
I see the granny buns, but to me they look even more like nipples. Just dirty-minded, I guess!
4 Zombie sperm in a blue uterus.
Is number 9. supposed to be balloons?