WE'RE DOOMED
November 9, 2016 [NOTE: In an effort to be more efficient/lazy, I may have written this post last week. I'm pretty sure you won't be able to tell, though, so forget I even mentioned it.]
My dear wreckies, the end is officially nigh. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the end has never been MORE nigh than it is at this very moment. It is a moment FULL OF END NIGH-NESS.
With President [insert winner's name here] in office, our country will soon be nothing but a moldering pile of Taco Bell wrappers and Apple dongles. The seas will boil over. The sun will burn. The stars will do crazy loop deloops, but, like, in a really bad way.
Frogs will rise up from ponds everywhere and hippity-hop all over our lawns.
;)
And then they'll eat our daisies.
OUR DAISIES!!
All birthdays will be cancelled, and replaced with "buttdays."
;)
Our new national flag will be a giant flip-flop...STOMPING ON AN AMERICAN HEART.
;)
And perhaps most terrifying of all: a legion of lop-sided zombie Barbie cakes will slide menacingly onward, the better to consume our very souls:
;)
Yes, my friends, with the inevitable campaign of doom and destruction heralded by President [insert winner's name here], our only hope can now be in hunkering down with enormous cases of peanut butter while we await the apocalyptic....uh...hang on...
Did someone seriously make a WEDDING CAKE out of WHOOPIE PIES??
;)
Best. Idea. EVER.
Ok, never mind that other stuff. We're good.
Reader Comments (37)
I just wanted to tell you that these posts have been the best thing to come out of that giant year-long mess of an election.
....i'm so scared now....i don't have the heart to make jokes....sorry
Morning, Jen, thank goodness you're up! Since America has already wrecked itself, I didn't know if I could get through the day without some cake wrecks. At least here there's cake.
Am I the only one who sees smiling faces in the whoopie pie "cake"?
I didn't think I would laugh today, but of course you managed it. Thank you.
Love the Woopie Pie Wedding Cake! Thanks for the chuckles on this otherwise sad day!
You saw this coming last week????
Did anyone else what kind of food Apple dongles were?
Mmmm, nope. Too scared to laugh. Good bye America, it's been nice knowing you.
Unlike some of the rest of you, I feel wonderful this morning! And today's blog is lots of fun. I think the Whoopie Pie cake would be fun as a Groom's Cake at a wedding!
The Happy Butt Day cake looks on purpose. I'm stealing that idea.
Well, the whoopie pie cake would be great, if I actually felt like eating. I'm just trying not to puke today. You did actually succeed in making me smile, though, so there's that.
> Am I the only one who sees smiling faces in the whoopie pie "cake"?
Can't sleep, the whoopie pies will get me! Can't sleep, the whoopie pies will get me!
@Leonie I'm with you. Thanks, Jen.
"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a flip flop stamping on a heart-shaped cake-- forever."
- George Orwell, <I>1984,</I> slightly paraphrased
In the wise words of Volstagg the Voluminous, "What unfortunate day's events are not made gladder by cake?"
Enjoy your cake, or any other comfort food you have, people. It's going to be a long four years.
(Silver lining: Joe Arpaio finally got the boot.)
Whoopie Pie smiles! @D'Marie you put a smile on my face as well!
Yes indeed, here we have cake...and someone brought in Little Debbies to the office today, so maybe I can pretend they are delicious and eat one...MAYBE...it's a sad day indeed, but at least I know I'm not alone. And Trekkie Gal, I also WANT TO KNOW what Apple dongles are!!!
Awwww!! D'Marie, you're right, the Whoopie Pies ARE smiling!
A dongle is just a piece of hardware that connects to a computer and allows it to run protected software. An Apple dongle is just a dongle made by Apple.
@ Dorothy - I feel pretty happy, myself :)
I am also full of END NIGH-NESS and can only manage a wan smile today. At least it is not my Buttday.
Thank you for putting everything in perspective. :)
Your election posts this week have been pretty much bang-on in satirizing current politics.
My presidential vote was a write in for "none of the above". Seriously.
This has got to have been the worst presidential election ever...it was like going to a pig farm and having to decide which pile of poop smells nicest...
But seeing a wedding cake composed of whoopie pies makes it all better...mmmmm.....piiiiies....
I imagine the "buttday" cake is what you'd get if Ward Burton called the order in to the bakery...
Walked around in a stupor all day. Stomach churned. Please keep these posts coming. We're going to need something to laugh at during the next four years.
Oh thank you, we needed this!
Buttday and woopie pie cake - best ever!!!
Well....
........
It seems that my signature *name* is almost prophetic.....wouldn't some of you agree?
Jen and @Nerfbomb, thank you for summing it all up so nicely. Don't forget, folks, it was gonna suck either way.
Now I want to sing! "When whoopiee pies are smiling, I just waaant to eeeat some caaaaake..."
Thank you for finding the funny. Not sure that I'm there yet... but this does help. It really does.
Sign me up for a smiling whoopie pie cake of solace!
Thank you. Just catching up today. If the Whoopie Pie cake was made with green batter instead of chocolate, that would be a great cast party cake for "Little Shop of Horrors."
THANK you so much. I needed that laugh. It's the best laugh I've ever had. Tremendous laugh! Believe me.
(No, really, it is great. Thanks.)
lmao oh man buttdays instead of birthdays..
Actually, according to one of the CBS newsmen (can't remember if it was Bob Schaeffer or Scott Pelley), when the group was sitting stunned around the news desk, when asked "what now?", said something about it "raining frogs"! So I guess they'll be coming down from the sky, not just rising from the ponds!
@ Dorothy and @ KimS -- I'm with you two. Besides, the glopped up primary process in BOTH parties made the electorate feel their voices weren't heard, therefore, it became a "change" election. Result should not have been a surprise.
I did celebrate with adult beverages in a very diverse large crowd on Tues night thru Weds morning, but did have some lovely Chocolate Mint Mousse cake to celebrate on Weds (made it in class).
I think I'll either jump out the window or eat one of these cakes. Anything to end my misery. :(
TRUMP.