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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov162016

Seeing Double

Sometimes, when ordering a cake, you have to play Pictionary with your baker. Except instead of just telling them what to draw, you show them a picture. And instead of actually drawing anything, they make a cake. So really it's nothing like Pictionary. WORK WITH ME HERE I'M NOT SO GOOD AT ANALOGIES.

For example, Kelly and Paul wanted a cake of Winnie-the-Pooh, so they brought in this:

 

 And got...this:

Say, is that a squished spider on your face, or does your baker really think bears have whiskers? 

I mean, it's like a Goldfish Cracker donned a Groucho Marx disguise, and then sprouted nubby little arms and legs, right? It's EXACTLY LIKE THAT, right?

Ahem.

Amanda S. works for the Cirque du Soleil show Varekai, and for the show's tenth anniversary they wanted a cake that looks like the show's circus tent exterior:

 

 But instead, they got something like HR Giger would design if he designed Moon Boots:

 

  Really ugly, non-functional Moon Boots. That can kill you. With their pointy, pointy spiny things. Yeah. Like that.

 

And finally, Brittany M. didn't actually order this next cake, so I had John whip up a handy graphical approximation of what we *think* the baker was aiming for:

 

 This is some kind of sports thing, right? Or maybe a zoo decal? 

(I AM ALSO NOT SO GOOD WITH SPORTS.)

 

Well, whatever it is, I think it's safe to say that the baker took license with that logo in the same way a crazy artistic type person takes license with something traditional that we all love and don't want messed with. Which is to say a LOT.

Oh! I know! Like that one awful version of Jingle Bells! (No, not that one - THAT one.) Yeah. Like THAT.

So, yeah. it's bad.

[whistling]

Hm?

OH, I'm sorry. Did you want to see the cake now?

Ok.

  Meee-YOWCH!

Poor lil' kitty. I bet the LSU folks are as mad right now as cats when I try to clip their claws. 

The cats' claws, I mean, not the LSU people's. Hopefully they don't even HAVE claws. 

The LSU people, I mean, not the oh never mind.

*****

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Reader Comments (34)

Oh, dear, dear, dear! That tiger looks as it's been dismembered and then put back together any-old-way. That looks painful. (Has the decorator ever SEEN a cat?)

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

If a cake married road kill and had a baby, that baby would be the LSU cake.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I keep scrolling away from the "tiger" cake so I'll stop laughing...but then as soon as I see it again the laughter starts anew! Oh man...it's so bad! Part of my laughter stems from being a Tulane alumna (LSU rival) but...*looks back at picture, starts cackling hard enough to make the coworkers wonder*

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

That road-kill kitty/tiger is the living end!

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

The baker of the LSU cake was found in a shallow grave, surrounded by voodoo dolls. Police have received no cooperation from area residents, and the investigation continues.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

Seeing the Cirgue du helmet from hell, I'm wondering what bakery employs a color blind cake decorator?

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterColin

Being a native of Baton Rouge and an alumnae of LSU, I can say that we DO have claws (mine are actually currently purple and gold). I can also say I would have taken that LSU cake back to the baker and thrown it at them. Then I would have woken up from that satisfying dream because I'm not actually bold enough to do such a thing.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLSUJacq

You know, if you put some stripes on Pooh, it could pass for a Heathcliffe cakewreck.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

When LSU meets LSD?

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCommenter

If the Cirque tent was in Vancouver at the time, the cake maker actually gave them the Vancouver Museum! (But a terrible version of the Vancouver Museum).

https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/f4/8c/7d/the-mov.jpg

I hope the link works.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

There are so many things wrong with that LSU cake that it's hard to know where to start. Why is it so lumpy? Is it a CCC (ptooie)? That would be its first problem. The fact that we can recognize it as an attempt at a tiger says a lot about our ability to extrapola

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjoybeth

Anything that depicts a mangled cat that seems to be still alive is good with me! XD

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

My brain can't even process that LSU cake. I keep looking at it like one of those magic picture things to see if it will snap into focus. It's not.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterFM

"Like a goldfish cracker donned a Groucho Marx disguise"

Well that's it. My coworkers will never think I'm sane again!

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRG

Please make it stop staring at me!! WHHHHYYY??? WHHHHYYY??? That face, that unattached leg....oh my gawww this is next level crazy.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Worst Poo wreck, ever. Or perhaps its the best Poo wreck ever? Whatever. I had to check out the museum mentioned noted by @ Nicole to see if it looked like the "not a tent" cake. Nope. I'm not seeing the"tent", but I will be seeing that giant crab in my nightmares for weeks. Yeesh!

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Hi Jen! Always love seeing your posts here and on EpBot! I had to write you when I saw the silver moon boots - Cirque cake. Look again and tell me you cannot see Gorn from Star Trek - or maybe once you see it, cannot unsee it! Hugs always from Folsom California. Ginger

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGinger Dillon

Clearly, the baker of the last cake was an Alabama fan.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMisti

OMIGOSH!! Did Amanda S. and Varekai PAY for that "tent" cake??? It's not even the right colors! Did anyone pay for the LSU monstrosity? There ought to be a law....

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjune7

Do you remember those cat clocks that were popular about fifty years ago? The ones with the moving tail and the eyes that went back and forth. Sadly, Thalidomide was a thing back then, too.

Cake number two looks like the love child of a Dalek and R2D2. That's what you get for mixing two different science fiction universes.

There are no words for the third... cake. No words at all.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEselle

We need the 'drop kick cake' kicker to kick that LSU cake right in the baker's face!

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

The tiger's eyes will haunt me forever...

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJeff

@Eselle: Yes, I remember those cat clocks, as I'm looking at one right now. Got it about 4 years ago when they were all the "retro" rage. I didn't--& still dont--care about retro, I just thought they were cute.

Don't think I'll try the thalidomide, though. Who knows, in our future, it COULD become the next cool thing. But I haven't been "cool" in years, as my teens constantly remind me.

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

That Pooh cake makes me sad. I own a bakery where we do specialty cakes and I just Cannot understand how bakers think these cakes are OKAY to sell to customers! They don't even resemble what they wanted!!!

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKandee

Did anyone else catch that the tiger cake has "ers" in the bottom right corner? Like 'tiger ers'...

November 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPerri

I wonder what the LSU cake looked like before someone dropped it, broke it into pieces, and then tried piecing it together? Probably not a whole lot better, I suppose. Poor, sad, road-kill kitty.

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCherylG41

I'm not kidding, that second Wreck is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts!

Cheers!

Storm

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

Gee, Bluebonnet, I thought the giant crab was terrific not terrifying. The actual museum building would make a fun cake to wreck.

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Bluebonnet, I did the same thing re the tent/museum, and had the same reaction! [shivers]

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

Make that last one a lion and I'd buy it at any price!

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterle0patra

The spikey silver dome cake thing looks very much like the observatory at our local science center. Except ours is gold, not silver. And ours doesn't have spikes coming out of the roof. And, of course, it looks nothing like a circus tent. But other than that, good job.
http://www.hosc.org/

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

LSU Hokey-Pokey fail:
You put your left leg in
You put your left leg out
In, out, in, out
Shake it all about

And when your leg detaches
You just leave it lying there
It's somebody else's prob (hey!)

November 17, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkismet

Well, technically the first two match. One is Pooh and the other is crap.

November 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

How can anyone think that cake thing looks like Winnie the Pooh? I can't even tell if it's a bear lol. These wreckerators need to go back to decorating school.. lol.

November 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

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