Limer-Icks
October 19, 2016 There once was a wedding confection
That failed the bride's final inspection
So we grabbed an airbrush
Painted it in a rush
;)
And told Yanks it was for their election!
I'm finding it rather outrageous
That I have to spend some of my wages
On a cake for my Dad
Of a girl, partly clad
;)
Is it me, or does she look contagious?
I hope you don't find me neurotic
But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic
It rattles and shakes
And I think that it's cake...
;)
Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?
Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell
A bee sting has caused her to swell
Grab a fresh EpiPen
And inject her again
;)
For she's really just not looking well.
If you just can't spell "congratulations"
And your piping skills won't win ovations
You should find a career
Where you won't end up here
;)
;)
;)
Or at least take extended vacations.
I once saw a cake in Nantucket
That had frosting applied by the bucket
Though it's called a nice gift
It's too heavy to lift
;)
So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.
Reader Comments (39)
"If there are, we'll all be dead!"
LOVE the limmer-icks, Jen! Well done indeed.
If there are, we'll all be dead!
May I recommend a new last line for the final cake with the gag inducing bucket load of icing?
So I guess I'll just have to UP-CHUCK it.
If there are,
we all be dead!
Stop rhyming, I mean it!
So where does cereal go to celebrate, anyway?
If there are, we all be dead!
PLEASE tell me all that fruit in the last one is solid icing. PLEASE. I have to believe it.
I'm confused. What's wrong with the first one? I like the flowers.
'SpecialK'? Are they celebrating 25 years at Kellogg's?
Anybody want a peanut?
Anybody want a peanut?
"Novelty Cake" must be BakerySpeak for, "We found a way to monetize all that nearly-expired buttercream in the walk-in, guys!"
That's not Tinkerbell. That's the secret love child of Shrek and Tinkerbell. They call her Stinker, short for Stinkerbell.
Congvatulations! You have baked a wreck that will feature on "Dracula: Dead and Loving It"
What really astonishes me about the first cake is that you can see that the flowers were airbrushed since some of them are in two colors, but they don't appear to consistently align with the airbrushing on the cake itself. Were they airbrushed in a hurry and THEN applied to the cake?
Tinkerbell's so small an Epipen would kill her, or at least make her so much worse.
That "cornucopia ", is it just me, or is that label from Whole Foods?! I expect better from them. At least a lot less frosting.
I think that heart looks more like a brain, complete with the cerebellum.
What the HELL happened to poor Tinkerbell? I don't think that can be the sting of just one bee -- I think she got hit by the swarm!
There once was a fairy with an allergy
Who swelled when stung by a bee.
The bees when they swarmed
Made her "unarmed"
And now poor Tink's an amputee.
Does anyone else look at the torso cake and see a surprised minion? No? Just me?
You know you've been reading this blog for too long when you think that the first cake doesn't look all that bad.
...I've been reading this blog for too long.
I love the "Made In House" burnt ham cake. It looks as if someone tried to cover it with garbage, so they could come back later and sneak it out of there before the vultures start circling overhead.
I don't think they need to worry.
=^-.-^=
The fruit in the last one is quite good, especially the grapes, but the cornucopia looks like artistically arranged poo.
I feel like I've earned Carl Kasell's voice on my inbox. Really good job in those limericks!
@Betty Martin: For years, my SIL had a pet skunk she named "Stinkerbelle". Belle just recently left us, but I read your post possibly without the humor you meant. It's a familiar name to me.
@HAL: I remember that movie! Shortly after we were married, my husband dragged me to see it in the theater. I wasn't really keen on the idea, & after we watched I decided to listen to my gut more often.
And I never thought I'd be saying this, but that second cake badly needs a bikini wax. Unless it's meant as an emetic.
There once was a blogger named Jen.
For hilarious posts, she had a yen.
Not one ugly cake
Could escape the fate
Of being skewered by Jen's wittiest pen.
(It tries too hard for the rhyme, but the sentiment's there -- and SaraCVT beat me to the "Day-um, someone needs a WAX!" comment.)
Call me crazy, but aren't bikini tops supposed to COVER the nipple?
Bravo, bravo!!!
Not going to lie, I'd probably still eat that last one.
I used to find cake wreckoration
Confusing bizarre aberration,
But I now have a thang
For a well-piped poo wang;
I blame Jen for the recalibration.
The last one actually looks really pretty, I was stunned that the fruit was so well made even if most of it IS solid frosting.
To be fair, $18.00 does seem a bit of a steal for That Much Icing.
@ Mandy, I see the minion ... thanks, I think.
Folks -- What is the deal with "If there are, we'll all be dead"? A reference I don't know? Thanks.
@ Jen -- the limericks AND the cakes are amazing!
Wait! Nobody commented on the macaroni on poor Mendon's cake?
Mendon is actually an elementary school in southwestern PA.
Woo now this has me laughing once more. I am sick so I sound like a dying horse but still I can't stop laughing. Oh man. Limericks are wonderful.
@Mary Kay, since I haven't seen any one else reply to you yet: "If there are, we'll all be dead" is the response to "Hey Guys, are there rocks ahead?". Both lines are from Princess Bride, which gets quoted often on Cake Wrecks.
These lines and "anybody want a peanut?" are spoken by a character who speaks in rhymes.
As for the post, loved the limer-icks, heavy on the "ick"!
wreck #2 needs a bikini wax!!! I´m with @SaraCVT on that
BTW: It´s the first time I´ve seen pubic hair on a cake. I mean: who could ever think someone would have wanted PUBIC HAIR with his cake???
Come on shake you're body baby do that conga. Congadulation!
The whole "Chay-Anna" made me cringe because I can't tell whether it's meant to be that way, or at least similar, or if it's a misspelling of "Cheyenne." Which, being my name, I've seen A LOT of incorrect spellings for, and many people have said they've never heard the name, city, OR tribe. So if that's what this is then it definitely... Uh.. Takes the cake, for being the worst spelling I've seen yet. But who knows.